Can't stop staring at people

Helpless said:

Usually people hate when someone stares at them, but in my situation, I found that most of the time they are laughing at me when I do that, any idea? I noticed them from the corner of my eye, and that made me keep on doing that and more anxious.

Click to expand...

They aren't laughing at you. They either try laugh it off when they are in a uncomfortable state or try to send a message that they know you are staring at them.

I found that when I'm in a mood where I don't care about my "starings" and let my eyes do whatever they want to do, people around me doesn't seem to notice me. I know it's not my fault I have this problem and it going to happen anyways at times. The peope around me aren't suffering as much as I am, which I'm trying so hard to not stare. We have to live with this while they only feel uncomfrontable only for a short period. So they are have to deal with it. This is what I think of when I don't care sometimes.

WIP_gurl said:

You know at one point I thought he was different and was accepting. I opened up to him so easy and we held extended conversation. Then, yesterday you started to become awkward and adjusting yourself like the others. This got me worried and self-doubting myself. Was I too attached and clingy? Did you finally see the humiliating flaw I been trying to hide from myself for so long? Do you now looking at me differently like I'm a pervert or sadistic? Well, before I met you I was content with this fate. And after you I will learn trust much more less and reallllly think twice. Sorry, I had to release some where to others that understand.

Click to expand...

I know what you mean. One of the reasons why I'm afraid to get close to people is because of this. Once people get to know me, they realize that I have a staring problem so they feel a bit uncomfortable around me. This is why I am so active in online communication but offline is where it gets scary for me.

I don't suffer from this but the last close friend I had suffered from anxiety like I do. Sometimes I'd notice him staring and I'd wonder what he was thinking or analyzing, but it never occurred to me before now that it might have been a compulsion of his. I noticed some people say their friends don't notice or that they see the recording show them it's not noticeable. I knew that guy for years and never noticed. I don't know if that helps.

WIP_gurl said:

You know at one point I thought he was different and was accepting. I opened up to him so easy and we held extended conversation. Then, yesterday you started to become awkward and adjusting yourself like the others. This got me worried and self-doubting myself. Was I too attached and clingy? Did you finally see the humiliating flaw I been trying to hide from myself for so long? Do you now looking at me differently like I'm a pervert or sadistic? Well, before I met you I was content with this fate. And after you I will learn trust much more less and reallllly think twice. Sorry, I had to release some where to others that understand.

Click to expand...

Well yesterday? Give it a month, two or maybe probably even a year.

Maybe hes just nervous and needs your help.

Losing your boyfriend, that's crazy, but don't give up, keep fighting. Its got to be something you can do. Did you call him, did u you talk to him?

Thank you for all ya'll comments. I guess I just need to relax and stop overreaching. And also be patience with people ( new or old) who wants to deal with me.

Heres a RADICAL WAY in trying to fix this problem without medication.

We all know we got mental problems here with our eyes and brain. So try this approach and see if it gets better. COMPLETELY stop all your daily routine that invovles watching TV/COMPUTER/READING anything that has to do with vision and go back to BASIC. Anything that causes stress to the eyes STOP IT. Learn to do simplier things back in the days when there are no tv/computer etc... Take your dog out for a walk in the park, grow something, sit outside and smell the fresh air, go for a joy ride etc... Find a hobby that doesn't cause stress in your eyes like: fishing, automotive, painting, building, anything!

sometimes the brain and the eyes need a break. just remember two things (BE STRONG, and RELAX) what ever happens happens. don't bet yourself up, learn to forgive yourself because nobody else will. We live in a society that does not understand our problem and is quickly to judge.

whenever you are in a tuff situation just tell yourself this "BE STRONG! RELAX! whatever happens happens" don't give a damn about the conseqences of staring.


-----------------------------

anyone live in California? I would love to meet you guys/girls.

HardLife said:

We all know we got mental problems here with our eyes and brain. So try this approach and see if it gets better. COMPLETELY stop all your daily routine that invovles watching TV/COMPUTER/READING anything that has to do with vision and go back to BASIC. Anything that causes stress to the eyes STOP IT.

Click to expand...

I agree sometimes our eyes and brain need a break but this solution is a bit too extreme. I have online assignments that I need to do for school and email to check so I have to use the computer.

HardLife said:

Learn to do simplier things back in the days when there are no tv/computer etc... Take your dog out for a walk in the park, grow something, sit outside and smell the fresh air, go for a joy ride etc... Find a hobby that doesn't cause stress in your eyes like: fishing, automotive, painting, building, anything!

Click to expand...

You mentioned painting - I used to do art and looking at my artwork too much can stress out my eyes.

But I see what you're trying to say. Watching tv, using the computer, reading - all these things can cause us to develop a habit of staring.

laure15 said:

I agree sometimes our eyes and brain need a break but this solution is a bit too extreme. I have online assignments that I need to do for school and email to check so I have to use the computer.



You mentioned painting - I used to do art and looking at my artwork too much can stress out my eyes.

But I see what you're trying to say. Watching tv, using the computer, reading - all these things can cause us to develop a habit of staring.

Click to expand...

then sereverly cut your time on the computer.

when you mention too extreme. you have to look at how extreme our problem is.

I don't have problems with people in front of me, I have problems when they are sitting at my side. Watching TV with family and friends can at times be nearly impossible. Watching a movie at the theater is also very stressful.
I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. And, while I was waiting, someone sat a chair away from me on my side. I couldn't believe it! To make matters worse, I wasn't called for a whole hour........an hour of pure hell! Just the silhouette of a person on my side causes me extreme discomfort and anxiety. (it also depends on my mental state, sometimes I can deal with it reasonably well).
Another problem is with eye contact. It used to be natural. Now, I obsess about it. I'm actutely aware of their eyes, which makes me very uncomfortable. Living with this is like thinking how to walk....you just do it!.....Anyway, then I notice that my eye contact is unnatural and awkward which makes me feel even more awkward and it's a vicious downwards cycle.....That's why I avoid eye contact as much as possible. Which, creates more anxiety.

*One exception, I don't have eye contact issues with girlfriends.........

This happened last year but I want to get it off my chest.

My family and I met up with an old friend and her parents at a restaurant. While we were having lunch, I find myself having eye contact problems. When my friend talked to me, I made eye contact with her and the conversation went smoothly. But when she started talking to someone else, I stopped looking at her and my eyes started to wander. At first, I looked ahead and found myself looking at my friend's mom (who was sitting somewhat across from me). It felt awkward, because I had nothing to say to her so why am I looking at her? So I quickly glanced away. Then I looked somewhere else but I found myself looking at a woman at another table, who was sitting in a seat facing me. I didn't want to look like I was staring at her so I quickly looked away again and then tried to look somewhere else. And somehow, I ended up looking at my friend's mom in the eye again, so I shifted gaze and I found myself looking at the lady at the other table again. I think I freaked the lady out because she changed seats afterwards. And my friend's mom must have noticed something weird because when I look at her again, she quickly looked away.

Man, it's exhausting. Almost everywhere I look, I could see people and I'm trying so hard not to stare at them. I don't want to look like a freak staring at them. I've been bullied for staring before but this approach is backfiring on me.

So in the end, I stuck to looking down at my plate because I was scared of looking up. It's really awkward when I'm sitting in the table not talking while my friend was conversing with another person, and I'm just sitting there staring at my plate, or looking at my friend and that person. Socially awkward event - don't want to relive that again.

I'm the same.

I do it as a assertive manoeuvre. If they start it, or I do

Only time these days is, exclusively, from my student days...

I go to the the student gym.

Treadmill or climber or rower. 90º left/right :inlove: when I get onto a machine and they just look straight ahead, or when someone new gets their after I've been going for a while. When I was actively social. I find a lot of people there are a bit ignorant. Look at others along the line of machines, left/right/

I have more interest in girls, but sometimes would chat to any peer. My usual topic is if they use a machine that's one of my favourites. Sometimes, when I struggle to add weights or adjust the settings, a bloke will always try to show me the way to do it.

So I'm there among 18-years-olds, like I used to be. Love at first sight. Fresh meat there. Ooohh... Asian!! ::

Why do I go there? To improve my body, to impress any lady I meet there or.. anywhere, anytime...

The effort I put in is high; meaning nothing. I need luck

laure15 said:

This happened last year but I want to get it off my chest.

My family and I met up with an old friend and her parents at a restaurant. While we were having lunch, I find myself having eye contact problems. When my friend talked to me, I made eye contact with her and the conversation went smoothly. But when she started talking to someone else, I stopped looking at her and my eyes started to wander. At first, I looked ahead and found myself looking at my friend's mom (who was sitting somewhat across from me). It felt awkward, because I had nothing to say to her so why am I looking at her? So I quickly glanced away. Then I looked somewhere else but I found myself looking at a woman at another table, who was sitting in a seat facing me. I didn't want to look like I was staring at her so I quickly looked away again and then tried to look somewhere else. And somehow, I ended up looking at my friend's mom in the eye again, so I shifted gaze and I found myself looking at the lady at the other table again. I think I freaked the lady out because she changed seats afterwards. And my friend's mom must have noticed something weird because when I look at her again, she quickly looked away.

Man, it's exhausting. Almost everywhere I look, I could see people and I'm trying so hard not to stare at them. I don't want to look like a freak staring at them. I've been bullied for staring before but this approach is backfiring on me.

So in the end, I stuck to looking down at my plate because I was scared of looking up. It's really awkward when I'm sitting in the table not talking while my friend was conversing with another person, and I'm just sitting there staring at my plate, or looking at my friend and that person. Socially awkward event - don't want to relive that again.

Click to expand...

Been there, done that!! Hate it!

I do this too. I try not look at people, but I do anyway. And when they look I look away quickly.

Sometimes when I go out into the world, I want to sit somewhere with my head in hands and not look at anything. I'm frightened to look.

God, I HATE it when it happens. I'm always freaking staring at people. In the bus, in class, in a canteen area. It just never stops! I try to look away, control it, or distract myself. Yeah right. Just doesn't work. I think I developed that around the 4th grade. Even now in college, I find myself just staring at people, and they get pissed and look away with an irritated expression. I thought I was the only one. I used to get bullied because I was staring at certain people. Especially in elementary school. =___=

WIP_gurl said:

Is anyone in New York with this disorder?

Click to expand...

NYC? no. I'm in the state though.

Guys I have some ideas as I dealt with this too, but I have always been very outgoing:

MOST IMPORTANT is that I can control it, I learned how, and here are the steps:


it is a confidence issue first and foremost, for me at least. I found that i had too much judgement towards me and that made me unsure on how to behave. When you feel that gut reaction of "are you sure of what you are saying?!" every moment - that is just fear, fear that others will judge you on what you say - well, you can learn to think better to be assure in what you say, or just roll with it, i suggest the former btw.

1. distracting yourself. i've found it helps immensely to be in your own world and think of stuff you need to do. You ARE coming across one way or another, be it a shy person/ confident/ etc, so which way works for you is the way you have to OWN it, which is 2:

2. is simply to say "look, as long as I am not hurting people (and you aren't with staring, you are simply making people think about why you are looking and make THEMSELVES nervous, but they aren't thinking ABOUT YOU. If you walked in the busy street, you wouldnt have this issue after 10 minutes. Also realize if you are freaking out inside people can't SEE inside you, they can only look at you, so "keep it cool" and remember 3, which is most important.


3. is to genuinely wish people well and hope they do the same for you. Notice the highlighted word. If you deal with too many judgmental characters (hell, we all have) - realize this is just THEIR way to deal with life, it isn't necessarily the right one. I've met some smart people who like to judge, but I remember (and sometimes have to remind) them that while they might be correct in one area, they too have areas which they are not doing too well in - so KEEP THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE. Listen to people to excel at MANY things, love, wealth, health - balanced people. Not just those who hold something like money or status over others.

John S said:

I'm 23 years old, male with a mild form of OCD.

For the past few years I have been avoiding social contact with people because I have a staring problem. When i sit next to someone in class and their face is in my vision of view, it attracts my attention and can't focus on the lecture. I try to avoid it by looking in another direction, but it gets worst as I do. So from then on, whenever I see their faces I take a quick glance and look away. This keeps perpetuating and i start to sweat and get nervous wondering if the person notices what I am doing (and a lot of times they do!). Now I'm freaking out trying to avoid look at them even more.

This has now transferred to family members where I can't have their face in my vision of view. I have no idea how to stop this and become normal again. I used to be a normal person just a few years ago. I know I need to be more socially active. When I do try to be, this focus on something comes back to me and I'm scared that they'll notice I notice them. I now have high anxiety over this issue.

Please, help me!!

Click to expand...

I have the same exact problem and I'm a 15 year old girl. It gets so embarrassing. I want to hide sometimes. It got really bad in Spanish class yesterday. The teacher told me to look at the board so she could explain to me something I did wrong. Everyone in my peripheral vision was looking at me and I just couldn't look up anymore. I ended up looking at everyone in my peripheral vision... I had to explain to her the next day. :sad:
Now, I'm going to go to a therapist/psychiatrist for it. I wish there were some medication to stop this. I'd be very, very thankful. I was a very talkative girl, I loved talking to people and making friends. It started around age 13/14.... Now I am too insecure to make new friends...or I try to avoid getting to close to them. I don't want to go out. Sometimes, I want to travel. I can't even do that anymore. This summer, I want to take a Spanish 3 class at a college because I hate Spanish and want to get it over with...but another few weeks at school?? Count me out. I want summer to come so that I can be by myself.
I can't even watch movies with people because they notice me looking at them. It's gotten SO bad that now when I watch movies/look at the board, I have to check (directly) to see if people notice me looking. Now they can really catch me looking. It's taking over me and I can't wait to go to someone to help me.....I feel like it will take over my social life, my love life, it has even happened with my family members. I want to be normal again.
I get anti-social because of this. I don't want people to think I'm the weird girl that stares at everyone. It wasn't as bad before but now it is. In math class I sit in the back and it's torture.

^This sounds a lot like me. When I go to class, theatre, restaurant, etc, I always look for the back seat or the darkest seat in the place so that people won't notice where my eyes are looking. I've been caught a few times making eye contact with random strangers and they accuse me of staring at them. I didn't mean to do it but I also don't want to apologize because it would prove that I did it on purpose. I don't call people out for looking/staring at me but other people make such a big deal out of it. Looking or staring at people doesn't harm them in any way.

laure15 said:

^This sounds a lot like me. When I go to class, theatre, restaurant, etc, I always look for the back seat or the darkest seat in the place so that people won't notice where my eyes are looking. I've been caught a few times making eye contact with random strangers and they accuse me of staring at them. I didn't mean to do it but I also don't want to apologize because it would prove that I did it on purpose. I don't call people out for looking/staring at me but other people make such a big deal out of it. Looking or staring at people doesn't harm them in any way.

Click to expand...

I actually sit in the very very front so that I have no one in view. If I sit in the back, I have to many people to notice. :[

xinhdep_girl said:

I actually sit in the very very front so that I have no one in view. If I sit in the back, I have to many people to notice. :[

Click to expand...

I don't sit at the front because if I did something embarrassing, everyone will see me do it and I will be ridiculed. The trick is to come in almost late and sit at the back - that's what I do. I used to come in just before the bell rings and when the teacher starts lecturing, everyone will be focused on the lecture and not on me (at least that's what i was hoping for).