Old 06-23-2012
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I want to know WHY every stranger stares at me. Weird! Ugly? Tell me. Tha's all I've ever wanted to know. Brief glance. Long freindship. Boss. Nobody ever tells me. Just once, at a carnival, my girl told me that everyone was staring at me, and asked me if I knew while.

That haunts me.

In summary... Is it people' joke to stare? My mind works this way: why? Why? Anywhere, anytime, crowded public transport, crowded place - just me and the other one, oe everyone staring, some laughing. Maybe simply my low esteem problem.

A possibility, never yet, could be to scream in their ear : WHY? Reason: U

If no reason, or a giggle, ending in a wish to end their life. By any means. In view of anyone
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Old 06-23-2012
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I'm told to maintain eye contact when talking to people

Written advice

Or from the mouth of a psychologist

When intervewing

I just do it. Always

Not sure if this applies to this thread or not.

I guess looking away, in a corner, gathering thoughts, might mean bored, or rude.

Or looking at hands, shoes, hair, lips, breast... Nothing wrong with anything.

Compromise is my lifeword.

My way or the highway is a bit silly
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Old 06-25-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Falkor View Post
My eyes look just like i'm getting eaten by a lion or something. I really wish I could look like a chill relaxed peaceful life enjoying girl.

I HATE that I'm so scared in my eyes and that it's visible so hey Ohdude I can understand so much...........................
How do you know how your eyes look like? Did anyone tell you anything about it?
I wonder because nobody has ever said anything directly to me for many years. And I can't notice anything abnormal with my eyes when I'm looking into a mirror or when watching photos/videos of myself.
People look at me like I had horns or something so there could be something wrong with how I look. I'm trying to keep my eye lids not wide opened so that's not the point. What is then?
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Old 06-25-2012
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Originally Posted by noway View Post
How do you know how your eyes look like? Did anyone tell you anything about it?
I wonder because nobody has ever said anything directly to me for many years. And I can't notice anything abnormal with my eyes when I'm looking into a mirror or when watching photos/videos of myself.
People look at me like I had horns or something so there could be something wrong with how I look. I'm trying to keep my eye lids not wide opened so that's not the point. What is then?
I'm downgrading my concern about excessive staring to excessive looking. Looking is not necessarily staring although too much looking does, in due course, become staring.
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Old 06-25-2012
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lately i walk down the streets and watch the other passengers and it seems as if they want to beat me up, the other day even a car with 3 men in it stopped and 1 yelled at me "what are you looking at!!!?? i knew if i would keep looking a few more seconds they would of came back and beaten me up.
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Old 06-26-2012
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I even can't make a eyes contact with ppl~ If I talk with someone my eyes stare to the another thing, n my mind just talk about "What are u looking at? Stop to starting at me stupid~ "

Dats why I wont use contact lens or glasses~

Last edited by Imaginary; 06-26-2012 at 01:27 AM.
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Old 06-26-2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noway View Post
How do you know how your eyes look like? Did anyone tell you anything about it?
I wonder because nobody has ever said anything directly to me for many years. And I can't notice anything abnormal with my eyes when I'm looking into a mirror or when watching photos/videos of myself.
People look at me like I had horns or something so there could be something wrong with how I look. I'm trying to keep my eye lids not wide opened so that's not the point. What is then?
People told me several times that I look scared like I'm around a bunch of lions or indeed have horns on my head or a big fat scarf on my forehead. I don't know, I know that I look insane, because when I'm in front of strangers I'm always self concious and it makes me so nervous that my eyes just cannot hide it..

So yup, this is the point.... well at least, to me... Is the worst symptom. While others blush, or don't show off the problem, they just have a poker face that I envy... Hmm, well, i hope i'm clear
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Old 06-26-2012
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lately i walk down the streets and watch the other passengers and it seems as if they want to beat me up, the other day even a car with 3 men in it stopped and 1 yelled at me "what are you looking at!!!?? i knew if i would keep looking a few more seconds they would of came back and beaten me up.

Yes it's easy to get into some trouble because of this problem. But we have to remain calm at all times and not get angry at people. Just do our thing and focus on ourselves always. Sometimes of course we have to look at other people, but not too long and not to quick. It's difficult, but possible to learn.
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Old 06-26-2012
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Yes it's easy to get into some trouble because of this problem. But we have to remain calm at all times and not get angry at people. Just do our thing and focus on ourselves always. Sometimes of course we have to look at other people, but not too long and not to quick. It's difficult, but possible to learn.
Just had a wonderful stroll down the busy road. I did not expect it to be so busy but did not panic and carried on. I used the affirmation telling myself 'that there is no need to look' and and it worked. I also reminded myself to relax; and that worked to. It got a bit more difficult on one on one situations but overall much better. The most challenging time was when I came across someone who looked a bit dodgy. But that was me being judgemental which is something that I think I often am.

Maybe I have been over complicating this? Or maybe I am benefitting from the input of my CBT therapist. She talked a lot about Exposure Response Prevention.
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Old 06-30-2012
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Continue to make progress - an update...
I have found the following to be helpful.

Three types of situations:
Type 1 - People coming directly at me
Type 2 - An intermittent line of people coming directly at me
Type 3 - A very busy street, people all over the place

Type 3 is the easiest for me. I can often just flow through these situations
Type 2 still causes a lot of stress and inability to not look
Type 1 causes a lot of stress and inability to not look

However, I have learnt that the key to not looking are the following
a) Affirmation - I consistently tell myself that 'I am just not interested' - works very well
b) because this is so repetitive identification of situations i.e. Type 1,2,3 helps me to understand that this is nothing new and nothing to be worried about so no need to have any social anxiety. This is key to me as I can really sense the SA across my forehead as soon as a Type 1 or 2 situation presents.
c) To be relaxed at all times
d) Not to be defeatists, these are new situations no need to hold memory of previous situations.
e) To actively and daily practice the above as part of an Exposure Response Prevention strategy.
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Old 06-30-2012
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Quote:
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Three types of situations:
Type 1 - People coming directly at me
Type 2 - An intermittent line of people coming directly at me
Type 3 - A very busy street, people all over the place

Type 3 is the easiest for me. I can often just flow through these situations
Type 2 still causes a lot of stress and inability to not look
Type 1 causes a lot of stress and inability to not look


Doesn't very busy street make you feel sick? It gives me headache, my eyes hurt also. It is kinda paralyzing me. My neck and muscles go stiff. Sometimes I can't walk straight when there is alot going on around. But still it's better type of situation than single person coming towards me.

It's easier when you are walking. But what about situations when you have to stop for a while? For ex. red light, waiting in line etc. Where to look at? How to behave? What normal people do when they wait for something in a busy environment?


P.S. Anybody from Europe here?

Last edited by noway; 06-30-2012 at 12:22 PM.
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Doesn't very busy street make you feel sick? It gives me headache, my eyes hurt also. It is kinda paralyzing me. My neck and muscles go stiff. Sometimes I can't walk straight when there is alot going on around. But still it's better type of situation than single person coming towards me.

It's easier when you are walking. But what about situations when you have to stop for a while? For ex. red light, waiting in line etc. Where to look at? How to behave? What normal people do when they wait for something in a busy environment?


P.S. Anybody from Europe here?
Busy streets are the easiest for me. Seem to be able to relax. Relaxation is the key.

At traffic lights, stopping, pausing etc I use the affirmation CB i.e (cognitive/behavioural) . I quickly check that I feeling OK and in control (cognitive) and that I am not doing anything strange (behavioural). These two give me confidence and as a result I have anchored myself so I relax and do not stare.

However, as regards stopping. If I stop for a café, stay about 10 mins then go back onto the street I can totally lose all gaze control. My eyes are all over the place, lots of type 1 & 2 situations. Must be very anxious when I change locations and go back onto the street….but working on it…being relaxed works.
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Old 07-04-2012
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I stare at atrractive girls, I try not to. It's a problem I have had for years. It's becuase I'm lonely and desperate for someone. I never do anything, just gawk.
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Old 07-05-2012
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I realized that I have 2 problems:

1- When someone is at my side I will stare at him/her.
Ex: when watching tv, doing stuff at computer or even driving...

2- When talking to people I think they may get the feeling that I'm judging them. This usually makes others anxious. In order to avoid the scary look/expression, I force my self to relax, which gives me a poker face I think...


The key is to RELAX and focus on a 3rd eye, which is a imaginary spot between both eyes at eyebrow level.
The basic mindset is to never forget that we all are humans and nobody is superior, we are all equal...

PS: "noway", I'm european..., but I also have no clue how to behave in these situations, usually I take a glance at the clock, ipod, cellphone or whatever I have by hand...

Last edited by ohdude; 07-05-2012 at 10:19 PM.
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Old 07-10-2012
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PS: "noway", I'm european..., but I also have no clue how to behave in these situations, usually I take a glance at the clock, ipod, cellphone or whatever I have by hand...

I'm asking this because I thought it could be nice to meet somebody with same problem and see how it works exactly. That would be great. I'm from Poland BTW.

Another good thing to look at when you don't know where to look are letters. They are almost everywhere. You can read them slowly, count backwards, outline with imaginary pencil etc.
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Old 07-11-2012
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I'm from Spain...
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Old 07-11-2012
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Seen a girl in a SUV while I was at the stop light by Glendale Drive, I kept looking over at her.

I don't mean to sound creepy. I have got to stop focusing on attractive girls, as it sets me off and ruins my day. It can also give me a heart attack, which one day, I will probably die from. That's awful.
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You either make the best of life, or life makes the best of you. It's that simple.

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Old 07-11-2012
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Public tranport and walking on the streets is the worst. I feel exposed, like everyone is looking at me. After making brief eyecontact, I force myself to turn my head away, but from the corner of my eye I can't stop looking and it feels like they are still staring. Eyecontact bothers me because I'm afraid they can read me through my eyes and they'll think I'm attracted to them (no matter what age, size, gender they are...) When this happens I feel like that this indeed must be the reason for my staring.

For. example I make eyecontact with at an old, hideous guy, look away but still feel his stare and I almost can hear him sayin "Yeah you wanna get a piece of my **** right? Don't look away and pretend you're not interested." Of course I am not, but I can't help thinking these thoughts. Recently I started staring at boobs. I don't really want to, I don't think anything of it, I'm only sexually attracted to males, but it just sort of catches my attention being summer and all. Sometimes it's really awkward when the owner of the racket notices and thinks I'm some kind of perv.
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Old 07-12-2012
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try looking back at the thing that scares you for 2-3 secs and then back to ur un-comfortable position....that way it's not so painful....try it, might help.
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Old 07-12-2012
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This comment below by WierdMcGee in the 'What types of anxiety do you have?' thread succinctly explains the source of my gaze issues. People make me startle and so it goes.

WierdyMcGee
'People make me most nervous-- people in general; thoughts of people, crowds, social situations, being near someone, world news, local news, strangers, family, etc...Any situation that has to do with a person or people makes me nervous-- and the trigger is people.'

Last edited by SoScared; 07-12-2012 at 11:29 AM. Reason: correct grammer
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