Old 01-09-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
I hate how everyone assumes that bullying is a normal part of growing up. It has destroyed my life and left me crippled with social phobia and depression for almost 15 years now. It took away any chance I had at having a decent future. I was robbed of a social life, the ability to make friends and form relationships, a good career, and happiness. I will never truly recover from the effects of bullying. The worst part is that all the people who tormented me throughout my life are leading successful and happy lives today.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-09-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 69
Thanked 6 Times
TheNomad TheNomad is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 69
Thanked 6 Times
I agree that bullying sucks MASSIVELY and makes functioning harder. But you can recover enough that it won't matter, as many did. Easier said than done, I agree, but **** those people's happiness, they won't matter to your future relationships and happiness. Do not give those idiots more power.
TheNomad is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Graeme1988's Avatar
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,607
Thanked 501 Times
Graeme1988 Graeme1988 is offline
Hie ye hence from me heath!
Elite User
Graeme1988's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Scotland
Posts: 8,607
Thanked 501 Times
Oh pal, ah huv nuthin' but empathy for how ye feel. Bullying did the exact same thing to me. But it is possible to move past it and live the happy life ye want. With the right help and supportive people around ya.

Aye, easier said than done. But to hell with those insecure numpties who made ye miserable. Sure you still some issues as result, yer own insecurities & trust.

But it's never to late to become the person you want to be. And be happy and successful on yer own terms. Whether you were badly bullied or not. Don't think some gobshite who made yer life hell is truly happy with their lot in life. And stop comparing yerself to them, you're better than that.

Sorry for this mini-rant, I just hate reading about people who had to endure similar hardship to myself. Though, I guess, knowing yer not alone is a wee bit of comfort, if nothing else.

Last edited by Graeme1988; 01-10-2016 at 07:30 AM.
Graeme1988 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Graeme1988 For This Useful Post:
PugofCrydee (01-10-2016)
Old 01-10-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 936
Thanked 152 Times
Megaten Megaten is offline
Expert User
Megaten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 936
Thanked 152 Times
Yeah to be honest that is the main source of any trouble Ive had. Im a natural introvert but bullying made me socially anxious. Recovery is entirely possible though. Its gonna take work and time though. Good thing is is that there is no set time to how long itll take you. Dont listen to that thought telling you you'll be an old man by time you sort things out because 1. you cant see the future and 2. that thought will hold you down tremendously. Dont let the bullies take your whole life. Know what I mean?
Megaten is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNomad View Post
I agree that bullying sucks MASSIVELY and makes functioning harder. But you can recover enough that it won't matter, as many did. Easier said than done, I agree, but **** those people's happiness, they won't matter to your future relationships and happiness. Do not give those idiots more power.
or I might NOT recover and instead end up committing suicide or becoming a serial killer... as many did. Not everyone has a happy ending. Just being real.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
PugofCrydee's Avatar
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,179
Thanked 522 Times
PugofCrydee PugofCrydee is offline
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
PugofCrydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,179
Thanked 522 Times
Yea bullying sucks. I have a pretty bad scar on my face and suffered extensive bullying from a young age. But your choices on how YOU deal with bullying and how you move forward with the rest of your life are YOUR OWN CHOICES.

Bullying happens, always has and always will. I refuse to be a victim and let the world bully me into submission.

Serial killer? Don't try and justify that BS.
PugofCrydee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by PugofCrydee View Post
Yea bullying sucks. I have a pretty bad scar on my face and suffered extensive bullying from a young age. But your choices on how YOU deal with bullying and how you move forward with the rest of your life are YOUR OWN CHOICES.

Bullying happens, always has and always will. I refuse to be a victim and let the world bully me into submission.

Serial killer? Don't try and justify that BS.
yeah, you probably weren't bullied much if you think that. You can't always deal with things and move on with life. Circumstances and emotions cannot be controlled. Please, spare me the just world fallacy nonsense.

Last edited by Catalyst; 01-10-2016 at 10:02 AM.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 69
Thanked 6 Times
TheNomad TheNomad is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 69
Thanked 6 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
or I might NOT recover and instead end up committing suicide or becoming a serial killer... as many did. Not everyone has a happy ending. Just being real.
Bullying doesn't make someone a serial killer. That is more likely from abuse and neglect in the family environment, and especially genetics. Some of them were bullied but that is only the last impact to their mind.

Okay, many did not recover. Many did. If believing the latter is not being real, so is believing the former else you are ignoring the recoveries. But somehow we choose to believe which. Emotions can't be controlled but your reaction to them can, and in time those emotions change as well.
TheNomad is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheNomad View Post
Bullying doesn't make someone a serial killer. That is more likely from abuse and neglect in the family environment, and especially genetics. Some of them were bullied but that is only the last impact to their mind.

Okay, many did not recover. Many did. If believing the latter is not being real, so is believing the former else you are ignoring the recoveries. But somehow we choose to believe which. Emotions can't be controlled but your reaction to them can, and in time those emotions change as well.
ok, maybe mass murderer is more accurate then. Whatever. The recoveries are usually less severe cases where victims lives were not totally destroyed. Many people who become conventionally successful (e.g. got good jobs) still live with the scars and are unhappy. Emotions cannot be controlled. If that was the case, people wouldn't suffer from chronic depression or anxiety disorders. They would just magically snap out of it. That's a stupid thing to think. My reaction to my emotions doesn't change them. Doesn't matter what I think or do, most of the time I still feel the same. Hence why medication is sometimes used for the treatment of mental illness... often times there is a major biological component, a chemical imbalance perhaps. Last I checked I couldn't control whether I bleed or not from being cut. Same principle applies. But I get it, some people like to feel as if they are in control of everything and we live in a just world where we get exactly what we deserve based on our choices. Forgive me for knowing better. It doesn't work that way.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Megaten's Avatar
Expert User
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 936
Thanked 152 Times
Megaten Megaten is offline
Expert User
Megaten's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 936
Thanked 152 Times
Dude...no one is saying that you can magically fix your emotions. But you can (to a degree) control your actions. However you will lose that control the more you continue to think this way. You have to take it in steps. I think youre looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed. Instead of thinking "I need to get a degree" or "I need to get sex" you should be more like "I need to go to the store by myself" or "I need drive around town". You set manageable goals for yourself and you can make it so that youre always improving.
Megaten is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Megaten For This Useful Post:
Catalyst (01-11-2016)
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by Megaten View Post
Dude...no one is saying that you can magically fix your emotions. But you can (to a degree) control your actions. However you will lose that control the more you continue to think this way. You have to take it in steps. I think youre looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed. Instead of thinking "I need to get a degree" or "I need to get sex" you should be more like "I need to go to the store by myself" or "I need drive around town". You set manageable goals for yourself and you can make it so that youre always improving.
Actions don't change emotions is what I'm saying. You're right that I tend to look at too much at once and get overwhelmed. But I don't get anything out of achieving smaller goals. That's the one thing that no one seems to understand. My anxiety and depression is so bad that the rewards never seem to justify my efforts.

I'll give you an example. I recently got my driver's license. This is something I put off for like 7 years because I was deathly afraid of it. I could never see myself driving a car. But 2 years ago I said **** it and decided to try. So I studied the book and took lessons. Let me tell you, it was one of the most difficult things I've done in my life. My instructor was a total ***** and made me feel like killing myself on a regular basis. It was a miserable experience. To this day I remember almost every single mistake I made. I fought through the frustration and worked my *** off for two years (much longer than most people) trying to get it right. When I finally went for my test, I scored almost perfect. You would think that would feel like an achievement, right? Well, it didn't. I felt nothing aside from mild relief that it was over with. I got no pleasure from it. And to this day, I still have terrible anxiety every time I get into a car. I also still **** up regularly and feel like shit about it. It never got any easier for me.

I never feel like I'm improving or making progress unless it's drastic. I prefer to run before I crawl. Everything takes too ****ing long to see results.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
PugofCrydee's Avatar
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,179
Thanked 522 Times
PugofCrydee PugofCrydee is offline
Where we're going, we won't need eyes to see.
Elite User
PugofCrydee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Behind you
Posts: 3,179
Thanked 522 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
yeah, you probably weren't bullied much if you think that. You can't always deal with things and move on with life. Circumstances and emotions cannot be controlled. Please, spare me the just world fallacy nonsense.
I''m not saying being on the receiving end of constant bullying - which I was - is something you can just easily get over.
I was bullied everyday. I also know that when you're feeling down it's hard to try and feel positive.

I do agree with your comment about people lashing out and killing others though. It's certainly the extreme minority that do this though, and it's definitely not the right way to handle your/my frustrations.

I guess in the end you may just have to decide to ignore those people around you and only try to focus on what matters to you. Thats whats helped me a lot.
PugofCrydee is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to PugofCrydee For This Useful Post:
Catalyst (01-10-2016)
Old 01-10-2016
arjuna's Avatar
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
arjuna arjuna is offline
Intermediate User
arjuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
You were bullied but maybe you could have reacted better to that bullying. Other people have been bullied and aren't resentful and they even found the experience character-building. I, like many others, was badly bullied at school but I think it would be unfair to blame them for all my emotional troubles. Why was I reacting the way I was? Why wasn't I more aware or mature? I accept some responsibility over my emotional state. Even to this day, I still think about my bullies on a daily basis and I can just think that as I get more experiences and become more mature, I will finally forgive them and find inner peace.
arjuna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjuna View Post
You were bullied but maybe you could have reacted better to that bullying. Other people have been bullied and aren't resentful and they even found the experience character-building. I, like many others, was badly bullied at school but I think it would be unfair to blame them for all my emotional troubles. Why was I reacting the way I was? Why wasn't I more aware or mature? I accept some responsibility over my emotional state. Even to this day, I still think about my bullies on a daily basis and I can just think that as I get more experiences and become more mature, I will finally forgive them and find inner peace.
good for you. You probably had it easy then. Or maybe your brain is biologically wired to be more resilient. Either way, count your blessings. Blaming me for my misfortune is not supportive and it is rather self-absorbed of you to think your experience reflects an objective truth. Go ahead and blame yourself for your problems if you feel like it's your fault for being bullied. Perhaps you'll make a fine punching bag for an abusive husband one day. Just don't project your insecurities onto me.

Being resentful and angry is a natural reaction to being bullied. I'll say it again, I can't control how I feel about certain things. I will never forgive the people who made my life hell. I don't think any bullies deserve forgiveness.

Last edited by Catalyst; 01-10-2016 at 09:49 PM.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Catalyst For This Useful Post:
BlueDays (01-15-2016)
Old 01-10-2016
arjuna's Avatar
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
arjuna arjuna is offline
Intermediate User
arjuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
Basically I let 2 years of bullying when I was a pre-teen dictate the whole of my future. If instead of holding stupid beliefs about my ability to cope with that, I would have actually told someone what was happening or have been more assertive, the result probably wouldn't have been as bad.

I understand that you feel resentful but I think as you gain maturity you learn to empathize more with people. Most of the people who bullied me were fckd up. They didn't seem very happy to me. I myself have been unhappy and taken it out on innocent people. Then again, if my beliefs about reality had been more accurate and if I hadn't been so stupid, lazy and cowardly, I can't believe it would have affected me so much.

Changes in thoughts invariably bring about changes in lives. But I think you have to be willing to put in the time and intelligence that that takes.
arjuna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Catalyst Catalyst is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 47
Thanked 1 Time
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjuna View Post
Basically I let 2 years of bullying when I was a pre-teen dictate the whole of my future. If instead of holding stupid beliefs about my ability to cope with that, I would have actually told someone what was happening or have been more assertive, the result probably wouldn't have been as bad.

I understand that you feel resentful but I think as you gain maturity you learn to empathize more with people. Most of the people who bullied me were fckd up. They didn't seem very happy to me. I myself have been unhappy and taken it out on innocent people. Then again, if my beliefs about reality had been more accurate and if I hadn't been so stupid, lazy and cowardly, I can't believe it would have affected me so much.

Changes in thoughts invariably bring about changes in lives. But I think you have to be willing to put in the time and intelligence that that takes.
again, speak for yourself. Maybe it was your fault. I don't know or care. In my opinion, a sensible person builds their beliefs based on their experiences and feelings. Weak minded people delude themselves. They try to match their beliefs with the status quo to be accepted by others, even when such beliefs are illogical or harmful.

I know that I did everything I could when I was being bullied. I told people what happened but no one cared or helped until it was too late. I cannot empathize with sociopaths, which is exactly what the people who bullied me were. It ended with police getting involved and stuff... so with all due respect, your experience seems trivial in comparison. I guess it made me somewhat stronger but it still ruined my life. Spare me the CBT bullshit. That crap only works for the naive and easily manipulated. Changing your thoughts does not necessarily translate into a better life. And my intelligence is fine, thank you very much.

Last edited by Catalyst; 01-11-2016 at 04:05 AM.
Catalyst is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-10-2016
Sacrament's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,918
Thanked 241 Times
Sacrament Sacrament is offline
Elite User
Sacrament's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Portugal
Posts: 1,918
Thanked 241 Times
I've learned that it wasn't necessarily all the bullying I've endured that 'messed me up', but rather my reaction to it. Ever since I realized that, I've been making good progress.
Sacrament is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Sacrament For This Useful Post:
Kiwong (01-11-2016)
Old 01-11-2016
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 44
Thanked 2 Times
new account new account is offline
Newbie User
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 44
Thanked 2 Times
I know what you mean, Catalyst. The people who bothered you were worthless, but you're the one who still suffers for years after.

I still haven't found an answer other than to avoid every nasty person I meet as much as I can.
new account is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to new account For This Useful Post:
BlueDays (01-15-2016), Catalyst (01-11-2016)
Old 01-11-2016
Kiwong's Avatar
Elite User
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,779
Thanked 480 Times
Kiwong Kiwong is offline
Elite User
Kiwong's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: falling for life wave after wave and never saying goodbye
Posts: 7,779
Thanked 480 Times
Things are changing hopefully, there's a lot more education about preventing bullying at schools. Bullying damaged me for sure, but I've moved on from the high school bullying years ago.
__________________
In my dreams nothing holds me down, there is only out and away. I wish I could die and be reborn as a bird. William Wharton Birdy
Kiwong is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 01-11-2016
arjuna's Avatar
Intermediate User
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
arjuna arjuna is offline
Intermediate User
arjuna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 251
Thanked 17 Times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
I know that I did everything I could when I was being bullied.
Somehow I strongly doubt you did "everything you could." If you did tell people, then you definitely did take action. But that isn't were it ends. Did you physically attack them when being bullied after no-one helped you? If you didn't maybe you should have.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
I cannot empathize with sociopaths, which is exactly what the people who bullied me were.
Do you think they were born like that? Have you never done anything wicked in your entire life? I view that type of behaviour as not everything-or-nothing matter, but rather as a spectrum. Imagine those "sociopaths" as adults changed radically and became role models. Who are you to judge people based on the actions they did when they were probably still children, developing and probably being attacked themselves? Do you think that you are free from sociopathy? Imagine your parents raised you in a cage, sexually abused you everyday and beat you? Do you think that that would affect your personality in any way? Do you think it would somewhat desensitise you from other people's pain?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
Changing your thoughts does not necessarily translate into a better life.
Are you sure?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catalyst View Post
And my intelligence is fine, thank you very much.
As I have said before, mine has clearly showed room for improvement and I would that that is true for just about every mortal.

I am really sorry about what happened to you. I truly believe that even after having experienced this for so long you can get over it. I am. And I am facing all types of visual and auditory hallucinations that sometimes keep me awake at night. I don't like having to face emotions that I have been repressing for years. When I speak to people I stutter, I don't think clearly and have insane thoughts. I am so crazy that I laugh out loud in public. I don't have any friends. I have violents thoughts about people dying and being tortured that are only now starting to cease due to the action I am taking.

The only way I can see to get over it is by using your intelligence and acting on it.

I have been an adult for over 15 years but now I think is when I am truly acting like one.
arjuna is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to arjuna For This Useful Post:
Megaten (01-11-2016)
Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
bullying ruined my life davidburke Bullying Forum 27 10-06-2011 10:12 PM
How SA has ruined my life anders055 Social Anxiety Forum 16 05-21-2009 01:20 PM
Is my life going to be ruined because of the way I am? Chutney111 Depression Forum 1 12-19-2008 11:53 PM
I ruined my life Emma Social Anxiety Forum 16 08-26-2006 09:37 AM

All times are GMT. The time now is 01:32 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
 
Contact Us Privacy