bullying drives me crazy

dannyboy65

Well-known member
Recently I find myself alone all the time. So far its been 2 years since I had any relationship my friends never talk or want to hangout with me anymore. I used to try and see friends when I could, but I don't know now I see no point in trying anymore. When I'm at school I'm always alone and my school has 1000 people in it and no one talks to me. If they do I try to talk and they end up ignoring me and talking to someone else. I wish I was used to this but I'm not I was beaten and bullied my whole life and ignored. 2 years ago I was tested for mental illnesses and they found out I have high functioning autism and severe depression and anxiety. My whole life everyone nicknamed me retard. Then I found out I was autistic, people told me it is true your retarded everyone laughed at me for being different. I also hear voices in my head. Every time I would make an attempt on suicide they would always tell me to do it and once I tried or got scared to do it they would tell me I'm worthless. I sometimes catch myself talking to myself alot when I'm alone I talk to no one and my mom hears me sometimes and asks who I'm talking to and I have to tell her no one. I hate it because who wants to talk to me I'm insane I'm scared I'll be put somewhere because my moms taking me to a mental hospital next month. I just don't understand my mind 2 years ago after I was diagnosed I was threatened and I found something out about myself I never noticed before. When I get very angry I black out and don't know what I'm doing I don't feel anything either. I remember walking up to the guy and getting angry last thing I remember I seen 3 people on the ground curled up and one holding his throat the other laying on the ground, and I was full of adrenaline. Does anyone else have this problem? My problems got so bad with bullies I eventually tried to kill myself and after many failed attempts I just gave up and thats when drugs entered my life. I thought they would help they never did. In fact they made life a hell. I'm broke, no job, no friends, no lover, I'm gross, I can't talk to anyone. I have been clean for the past 2 months and working on smoking now I went 3 days so far without one. I just want to show people I'm not retarded or a bad guy. Sorry it was long and out of order this is my first post so it might be in the wrong area and I just signed up last night so sorry for the inconvenience....
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Im afraid i dont really have much advice. Try and ignore the bullies (yes i know it can be incredibly difficult, i was bullied in school too, but i also became a bully). Seek a therapist and get some help.
Its great that you've quit the drugs, that is a huge achievement, and that you're trying to quit smoking, good luck with it.

You are not retarded! I could be wrong but dont people with Autism also excel brilliantly in some areas? Find your area and focus on that, try and develop hobbies where you can meet people with similar interests.

whenever the voices encourage you to kill yourself, i get them too, try and fight them and if you dont succeed in fighting them off that time call a support line, lifeline or equivalent.

This site is full of people who will understand you quite well, feel free to inbox me if you need someone to talk to. :)
 

jaim38

Well-known member
Hi and welcome to the forum! The people who bully you and call you retarded are the ones who are insensitive and in the wrong. I can relate. I was also bullied and ignored pretty much. Some people hate me so much because they think I'm stupid. So what if I am? It's really none of their business. There are haters everywhere, and it's tempting to hate them back. Sometimes I want to beat them up. But then I think about God and I try not to become one of them.

It is scary going to a mental hospital, but understand your mom is doing this to help you. There are professionals who might be able to help you with your problems. You might want to make the best out of it.

It's good that you are trying to quit drugs and smoking. Keep it up because you're doing well so far.
 

dangermouse

Active member
You have to stand up for yourself. Find a large of friends to hang out with as bullies don't target people who have friends.
 
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