Home Today's Posts Register Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Go Back > Social Anxiety Disorder Forums > Social Anxiety Forum
Search this Thread
Old 08-20-2017

About a month ago, my boyfriend (also colleague) came into work really drunk. Stank of booze and claimed he didn't realize he was drunk. He drank a lot the previous night. My manager witnessed him drunk and sent him home. After the incident, he is now under investigation. Awaiting to attend a meeting next week.

I have fallen out with my family after they urged me to not to get involved and not to put my job on the line as it's his fault the incident happened. I am the only person who has stuck by him.

He has depression and anxiety and takes medication. There's a chance the booze and medication may have effected his behaviour the day he came in drunk.

Since the incident, he doesn't text and doesn't appear to want to go out. In fact, he appears to being isolating more and more. When I text, I get a reply back three hours later. I'm the one making the contact first. We make plans to meet up and hang out. Then he makes excuses and bails out ten minutes before the time we are planning to meet.

I have noticed on days his home from work. He spends his time at home sleeping. When he bails out, he talks about wanting to rest.

Then he phones the next day to try and explain.

Then the situation at work appears to have increased his isolation. I have offered support and to keep him company. But it would appear that he prefers to stay at home, resting and not wanting to talk to anyone.

A few days ago, I texted him to find out if everything is okay and I am worried about him. He said he was fine. I pointed out that I was there for him. I got no reply back.

A day later, he apologised for the lack of contact from his side. He urged me not to take it personal. He has needed to have time alone whilst resting. Said he was going to tell me more over the weekend.

I think, the final straw came tonight. Yesterday we made plans to meet up at my house. He appeared a little anxious. So when I hugged him, he mentioned he is looking forward to meeting up.

Then he phoned me this morning to inform he is going to come over around 18:30pm. By 5pm, he texted me to inform he was watching football with a friend and can he come over at 19:30pm? Which I said okay.

At this point, I cleaned the house to ensure it was spotless. I even moved my two current cats who share my room with me into another room.

Then 19:20pm, he texts me to request if he can come over tomorrow night? He needs to talk to me and that I mean the world to him. I asked what does he need to talk to me about? His response is, I'll phone you tomorrow and it's not me.

At this point, I am totally confused. No explination. No apology. I tried to phone him but he switched off his phone. You can imagine, I was really hurt and confused. The way he treated me was totally disrespectful and hurtful. He couldn't have the nerve to talk to me just bailed out.

I texted him to thank him for hurting me and why.

I decided that I was not going to sit around crying. I decided to hit the town and go to see a movie with my sister.

Two hours later, he texted me. Informing it had nothing to do with me at all. Not to get hurt please with a smiley. That he is going to phone me tomorrow. I pointed out, it's too late. I am already hurt. If he has something to say then tell me the truth. I got no reply back.

After the movie, I started to feel better.

Put on my phone and found a missed call from him.

I decided to text him and agreed to hear him out. Requesting for the full truth and no more excuses. But he can't come to my house best to speak in person. To name the time and place and I'll be there.

He refused by saying he is resting today. After a few more texts, I informed his actions were selfish. It's wrong to make plans. Then makes excuses. His not just his feelings that count.

He informed he wants to get the investigation over and thanked me for my support. This got me angry. I pointed out tell me your feelings and thoughts so I can understand. I also pointed out that I have texted and offered my company in order to prevent him from isolating. How it hurts me seeing him in pain and I know his worried about the investigation. But I need him to communicate because I can't help if I don't get his point across.

All I got in return was excuses how he needs his space today. How he should communicate what he wants and needs. How we will sort things out. But as I pointed out, I go by actions and not words. His actions are excuses and games. He doesn't care. He didn't respond back.

So nothing solved. He had a chance to sort things out and he refused to meet me half way. I think it's fair to know where I stand.
anxiousmess is offline  
Old 08-20-2017

Personally reading, it sounds like you've already reached your judgment on what to do about this. But that's my personal opinion and should have no bearing on what you truly feel.

Anyway, he is certainly being suspicious, no doubt about it. Constantly shifting meet-up times, not meeting up at all, and refusing to tell you exactly what he wants to talk about. They are warning signs. But, you know him better than any of us, so only you can figure out if they are worth note or just benign. I personally would have ducked out long ago in that situation. Getting mixed up in alcohol and legal problems is one thing I actively work to avoid. But, you have to be the one to draw the line in the sand, to show him exactly what you are willing to tolerate. If this is your dealbreaker, then let him know. Tell him about the pain he is causing you and that you won't be able to stick around with him if he keeps stringing you along like this. If he changes, then good. If he doesn't, then you truly do know where you stand with him and how much you matter to him.
DeadmanWalking is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to DeadmanWalking For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-21-2017)
Old 08-21-2017
AtTheGates's Avatar
Elite User

he's tired/ rests a lot and he had an incident where he was too drunk and took his medication along with alcohol . its possible he is having a drug or alcohol abuse problem that he is hiding from people

seriously, if he came into work drunk then he definitely has some problems going on that he needs to address and maybe you can help cousin's wife's father used to drink a lot and he would actually spend hours alone just drinking . it got to the point where he couldn't hide it anymore.

anyway, the fact that he has depression and anxiety make it even MORE likely that he might have a substance abuse problem considering the facts you mentioned .

just snoop around a bit before confronting him.

if it turns out he DOES have problems with substance abuse , dont judge him right off the bat because he's probably already embarassed about it.
AtTheGates is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to AtTheGates For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-21-2017)
Old 08-21-2017
grapevine's Avatar
Expert User

He sounds all over the place. What ever it may be and as much as it hurts you to see him like this- you cannot fix him, you can only be there for him.
But he needs to realise that he is making your life stressful and unfair by acting this way. He is being emotionally dysfunctional and its taking a bad toll on you.

A person needs to have a stable emotional grounding before being in a close and mature relationship. He doesnt seem to have that at this point.
grapevine is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to grapevine For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-21-2017)
Old 08-21-2017

Well I saw him today. He was walking on eggshells with me.

Come later. I texted him. Started talking and he thanked me for texting him. I seeked out enquiring if he had support for Wed. I offered to come along with him for his investigation. I got back a "nope, but thanks for offering though :-)"

Not once did he apologise or make an attempt to make things right between us. Him thanking me for texting him was like thanking me for making him feel better.

I pointed this out and then he apologised. I told him to shove it as it's pointless. It takes me to text him to make things right. It takes me to point out about apologising.

I am done! Once I said this, his reply "okay. I'm sorry you feel that way".

Bloody joke.
anxiousmess is offline  
Old 08-21-2017
AtTheGates's Avatar
Elite User

idk, some people are just selfish . chock it up to a lost cause and move forward maybe.
AtTheGates is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to AtTheGates For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-21-2017)
Old 08-21-2017

After a few hours to calm down. I think the pain and hurt is sinking in.

I am looking at things from a fresher mind set. I'm gonna walk into work and sort this out. Even if he hasn't got the balls to do it.

I'm doing it for myself. I don't want to walk around bitter and angry. I deserve peace within myself. So I'm gonna do it myself.

Move on and focus on to the future. In a more positive mind frame. Life's too short for negative attitude.
anxiousmess is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to anxiousmess For This Useful Post:
AtTheGates (08-21-2017), grapevine (08-27-2017)
Old 08-22-2017
F0AM's Avatar
Newbie User

You already tried to be there for him, but as other ppl have stated: sometimes there's nothing you can do, you cannot offer your help when he's rejecting it.

All his responses are: i'm tired today, lets talk tomorrow, tomorrow, tomooorrooowww (echo, echo, echo xD);so my advice (not that you need it, but anyway) is: just give him time, this is one of those problems he must solve on his own, so if by the time he's already solved it you're still interested in keeping in touch, great, if not, srry for him but you have your own life :)

By the way, are you sure he's not a broken droid or smthing like that repeating the same sentences over and over: beep beep i must rest, lets talk tomorrow beep tomorr..beep ow i must return to my planet gtujgrddvkb systems malfunctionating hjbcfhghjk
F0AM is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to F0AM For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-22-2017)
Old 08-23-2017
grapevine's Avatar
Expert User

I think you know you did the right thing. As you are saying to him and to yourself that you respect you- and that kind of behaviour is not acceptable.

Sure you are going to feel this mixed bag of feelings after. But you just have to feel them and go with them- knowing they will pass.

Think of all the things you love and what makes you unique and worth more than being with him.

And you kindly did nothing but try to help him and be there for him etc.. but, unfortunately, you couldnt get that back in return because he is not in the position to be in a relationship. That is not a relationship. (I know because that is what I am in most days and it sux). Glad that you were able to stick up for yourself and end it: )
grapevine is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to grapevine For This Useful Post:
anxiousmess (08-23-2017), MollyBeGood (08-23-2017)
Post Reply
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Similar Threads to Boyfriend Issue!
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
do y'all got this issue too Falkor Social Anxiety Forum 10 05-15-2014 06:32 PM
An Issue I Need Help With dan123 OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Forum 2 07-17-2012 07:48 PM
Odd issue Roman Legion Off-Topic 3 05-01-2012 03:25 AM
help! =) anyone else got this issue? dreamqueen Social Anxiety Forum 8 05-07-2010 11:51 PM
Trust is an issue mariecherrie Social Anxiety Forum 5 02-10-2009 07:02 AM

Mobile Version
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.10
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Powered by vBadvanced CMPS v3.2.2
All times are GMT. The time now is 04:56 PM.