Born a virgin...Die a virgin

ColdFury

Well-known member
thoughtless said:
Talk about self-esteem :?

Social Phobia doesn't last forever. It's a psychological thing. If you keep thinking the way you think right now then I'm sorry but you won't get over it.

Just start doing stuff that would be positive for you. Small steps that grow bigger with time! Start working out, eating healthy food, sleeping properly, going out in the day for a small walk after breakfast or lunch, go to the store buying some milk/bread/whatever. All those "small" things. Eventually, by getting out of your house, you'll end up meeting someone, who knows? These things are very unpredictable.

Truth is, if you keep thinking you're a loser and your life sucks, you won't move on.

In case your SP is "too" serious, go see a counselor... Get some help, get some support from your family and stuff. Don't try dealing with social phobia all by yourself!

SA can last forever. I've talked to 60 year old people who have had it their entire life.

I tried the "small things" method for a year and a half. It didn't work, my anxiety just got worse. I did the counselor thing too, and the family thing, none of it works.

I'm going to die a virgin too. :(
 

Toad

Well-known member
At times I feel the same way as you do lifesnotfair, but having sex is not one of my lifetime goals so i don't worry about this to much. I do want to be in a healthy relationship, but i know i need to attempt to sort out some of my issues first.
 

redlady

Well-known member
Dear lifesnotfair,
Don't lose heart, i felt like that once and out of nowhere the love of my life came to me. Nothing is set in concrete, you'll see.
 

Crimefish

Well-known member
Yeah, same here. Except it doesn't really bother me 'cause I know there's more to life than sex, and there's more to me than how/whether I have sex.
Maybe this is something I wasn't supposed to figure out t'il I was middle-aged.
 

abc1234

Well-known member
I think that their is someone out their for everyone and sooner or later they find each so dont give up hope Im a virin but i dont think ill die one my time will come just like all off yous dont give up hope hold your head up high and "just keep on keepin on you cant have no in your heart" quote from dirty joe dirt
 

outside_looking_in

Well-known member
If all your friends have multiple partners, taws, then I'd say they were way more messed up than you ...! 8O

hi red lady ... me too, love came to me on a number 23 bus, after I'd lost my job and moved 400 miles from home, and just after I'd signed up with a dating agency! Wherever you're consciously looking, it's nowhere to be found. :?
 

Bexi

Well-known member
im Not a virgin, but i dont think u should value ur worth on whether uve had sex or not. I think the thing perhaps that u want is affection, not just sex? Anyone can have sex, but its affection thats harder to find xx
 

abc1234

Well-known member
yeah i really dont mind still being a virgin i just want someone who cares about me and that can be their for me when i need them sex isnt everything people should not get so upset about it.if its really that big of a deal go find a hooker other wise quit bitch its not the end of the world
 

GettingThere

Well-known member
Re: Bron a virgin...Die a virgin

lifesnotfair said:
basically not going to get a g/f. somehow i know i am going to die a virgin...

I don't know what the prostitution laws are like in your part of the world but they are very lax here. If you are so desperate to lose your virginity then do yourself a favour and hire a professional.
 

Yossarian

Well-known member
thoughtless said:
get some support from your family and stuff. Don't try dealing with social phobia all by yourself!

Not everyone has a supportive family and 'stuff'. I do agree with you though that we can change things. Some more than others because often our SP is for different reasons and some people are in different situations. Still the truth is things can get better. In theory, just it's not always so practical or simple. Some of us are truly alone. Some of us really do have no one.
 

ColdFury

Well-known member
Not everyone has a supportive family and 'stuff'.

Yeah, I tried to talk to my family and I just got laughed at basically. My sister decided to use my anxiety to blackmail me into doing things for her.
 

annie

Well-known member
thoughtless said:
Talk about self-esteem :?

Social Phobia doesn't last forever. It's a psychological thing. If you keep thinking the way you think right now then I'm sorry but you won't get over it.

Just start doing stuff that would be positive for you. Small steps that grow bigger with time! Start working out, eating healthy food, sleeping properly, going out in the day for a small walk after breakfast or lunch, go to the store buying some milk/bread/whatever. All those "small" things. Eventually, by getting out of your house, you'll end up meeting someone, who knows? These things are very unpredictable.

Truth is, if you keep thinking you're a loser and your life sucks, you won't move on.

In case your SP is "too" serious, go see a counselor... Get some help, get some support from your family and stuff. Don't try dealing with social phobia all by yourself!

I completely agree with you Thoughtless - you need to have a positive attitude in life. If people are thinking "oh I am going to have social anxiety for the rest of my life"...well I guess they will with that attitude.

Coldfury you say that you know people in the 60's with social phobia...well I know alot of people who suffered from severe social anxiety and depression and GUESS WHAT...they dealt with it, they looked for help, received it and now are leading normal lives. One particular friend is working as a manager for a big telecommunications company and deals with people all the time and also volunteers her time with an anxiety related organisation and now runs a self esteem problem. Another friend who up to 4 years ago found it difficult to be in social situations recently finished working as an extra on the movie Charlotte's Web. These people obviously were not going to let IT ruin their life and did something about it and did not thing negatively. I understand it is hard for some, but sitting around and saying it is hard is not helping either, right?

annie :)
 

Remus

Moderator
Staff member
ColdFury said:
Its not the sex, its having someone who cares about you.

I totally agree coldfury

being loved is whats most important

Woddy Allen once said though....

"sex without love is an empty feeling....

but as empty feelings go....its one of the best!"
 

MadCat

Well-known member
Hi Annie, as you probably are aware depression comes in many forms. It's quite common for people who depression to suffer from very low self-worth and to feel almost completely helpless and hopeless.

I know, because I am one of them people.

A depression that eats away at a person daily is not something that can be helped, especially if the person has a strong desire to not take drugs. From my personal experience a severe form of chronic depression is extremely hard to live with unless you already had a helpful network established. Unfortunately I never had that and I could never look for help so I just waited and waited.

Depression on its own is bad enough but add on little additions to that and you really do have something hard to deal with. It's not about willpower it's about the options a person is given in life.

A person can so strongly want to get better but believe he/she can't, so never seeks help. There's so many complicated things involved in all of this and I really dislike alot of stereotypes and the way they look at depression and recovery.

Just like Math/s, there's lots of numbers involved and it's not as simple as it appears on the surface. Thanks for reading :)

And yes, to others post..I do not think sex is important. I may be a virgin at 22 but I would rather be that way if it meant I could be loved. Love is the important thing here, not sex.
 

Carina33

Well-known member
I don't know what to say about this. I could write being completely hopeless and then completel hopeful.
I sometimes feel terrible because I am the only one of everyone I know to have never had a real boyfriend. I am normal enough and at least undisgusting......well, besides my social phobia. I try to do everything I can, I try to avoid nothing because of my fear. After all of these years, I am still in the same place though. I mean, some things are so close, and I am much better at other types of talking. But still, nothing. My family makes no difference....no matter what I do when I am depressed, and no matter what I say to them about my problems and what I want. All that I hear is my mom tell me that she was quiet and things turned out for her, she got married. Same as her father... he was the quietest person she said she ever knew.
So, since I am still young (16) and I try so hard..... I try to be hopeful. These other quiet people turned out alright.
But it gets so hard. Only the people that I know very welll think I can talk at all. All others think I don't even know how to make a sound at all... or there is something wrong with me because I get so, so afraid.
 

MadCat

Well-known member
You just have to understand that if you're looking for a boy around you're age you'll have a pretty hard time getting one who can see past your quietness and see who you really are. I'm not trying to bring bad news or anything but just state the obvious.

At 16 years of age boys are going through puberty and in most cases are horny most the time. There are some nice boys out there that are able to handle their hormones and actually do give a damn, but they are pretty rare. I'd say wait a bit and by the time you're 20 if you don't still have a boyfriend, then you can start to really think carefully.

Luckily for me I have a big excuse in not having a girlfriend and that is that I simply do not mix with anybody at all. I am far from able to act *normal*. Anyway, it's not over yet...I'm not an expert but I think it's pretty fine and normal at 16 to never have had a boyfriend. I wouldn't worry about it much because once you mature and the boys mature they'll be more sensible and able to notice the real you and not the MMMM you. Hey, I probably got this all wrong :) Just trying to help fill in t he gaps.
 

Neebo

Well-known member
Yeah I feel that way too. I always wonder if and when I'm ever going to meet a girl and if I'm ever going to have any children with her as well. I have never had a proper relationship with a girl before,never even been kissed :oops: :( But I believe deep down that there is somebody out there for everyone,even me. I also believe that its not just the sex thats important. There's a whole lot more to a relationship than just sex. A relationship is also about love,trust,happiness and affection,hope I don't sound too soppy! :roll: But anyway thats what I believe a proper relationship is all about.
 
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