Re: Bizarre obsessions of a sexual nature, anyone have these
obsessive said:
Hi i'm from Australia and have had anxiety/depression for 4 years. Little things can make me worry a lot. I have been currently diagnosed with OCD and felt an attraction towards my female therapist and this made me feel gay. I have been told that been attracted to the same sex is normal but its hard for me to accept. I've had silly sexual thoughts towards my bird in that i think it has a nice private part , or whenever i see an attractive female and think she's a babe , i don't like the word babe this makes me feel distressed or other perverted thoughts. i may have. I have even had thoughts towards younger female cousins and this makes me feel like a paedophile and makes me wanna cry. I worry that i might molest my children if i have any in the future? can anyone realate to this?
I can relate to the OCD part - I've dealt with that shit for probably over 5 years and now, thankfully, I'm completely cured... without the help of anybody else at all. I'm no psychiatrist, nor will I ever be one (haha), but I can at least offer a few words in hopes you can see your potential to tackle your own situation.
In OCD, there's always an element of disgust (at least there was in my case). There's always something you really don't want to do... yet you really want to tempt - just for the sheer sake of seeing what happens. And in your case especially, there's an extreme fear of the consequence of these thoughts... so there's even more of a desire to tempt fate. So honestly, you're not crazy... or diseased. You can overcome this situation, but it's never easy. What I did in mine was I finally decided to accept my thoughts - no matter how disgusting or frightening your thoughts might be, you can start by at least not fighting them. Afterall, they're just thoughts. Your thoughts will absolutely never turn you into a pedophile. They can't. Thoughts alone have no power, and I can tell from your personality that you'll never be a pedophile.
Also, I learned in my situation to lighten up, which helped a lot. I decided to start inducing the thoughts on purpose and start laughing at them, and getting myself more comfortable with what I had kept in the dark. And the best part is, everybody has gross thoughts every once in a while. The point of it all is to let them flow freely, without tensing up over what could happen as a result... or even trying to stop whatever thoughts you may have. Remember, even if you can't control your thoughts, your thoughts will never learn to control you.
So yeah, just something to think about. Most irrational fears come from being afraid of fear itself, as weird as that sounds. The more comfortable you feel while staring fear in the eyes, the less you'll tense up. And the less you tense up, the more relaxed you'll be.
Best wishes in your recovery!