Avoidant Personality Disorder and Suicide
- Thread starter Silentknight
- Start date
Dronee
1
Sadly true... And most people who are considering suicide are just really, really sad and down.. not egotistical.
rjv
Member
Yes. I've done some really embarassing stuff due to my issues. I tried committing suicide 3 times when I was alot younger. Then when someone I loved tried it and almost died I remember sitting in the hospital being so angry at her. I remember wondering why she hadn't thought of us first. I never tried it again. Sometimes when I've gotten depressed I've thought of how dying would be a release... but then I think about the sweet things in my life and remind myself that pain comes in waves and sadness passes. My mind is trying to deal with something and I have to bear with it. Time heals things. We'll make it through we just have to take it one day at a time.
Shant
Well-known member
One psychologist mentioned I had Avoidant Personality Disorder (I know I have some form of social phobia, really all I need to know since I don't care about diagnostics anymore), so... guess this might apply to me.
I've had a run-in with suicide around a year ago, during a heavy depression, and often considered it throughout middle school and high school. Depression is co-morbid with many other conditions (AvPD and Social Anxiety aren't exceptions, understandably), and is associated with suicide.
Meh, I still get the thoughts from time to time. More or less, it's actually along the lines of: "I don't like living like this." I heard a while ago that most people that want to die don't really want to die. They just want out of the current mess they're in, which to them doesn't seem will ever go away. That's kind of this. I hate my life right now, and it's hard to consider it'll get better. Since I'm not convinced it'll get better, nor do I know how, I still don't want to die necessarily. Rather, I'd instead like to just sleep for a few years, "wake me up when it gets better."
I know that's not the thing to do, but as for actually getting better... I'll get back to you on that when I figure it out.
As for saying that suicide is selfish, I'm not sure it's completely fair to say it's only a selfish act. When someone is so clinically depressed, all that's on their mind is death and getting away from life. They're not trying to hurt those who love them; the contrary, many who commit suicide are convinced that those who love them would be better off without them. Suicide's just irrational like that.
I've had a run-in with suicide around a year ago, during a heavy depression, and often considered it throughout middle school and high school. Depression is co-morbid with many other conditions (AvPD and Social Anxiety aren't exceptions, understandably), and is associated with suicide.
Meh, I still get the thoughts from time to time. More or less, it's actually along the lines of: "I don't like living like this." I heard a while ago that most people that want to die don't really want to die. They just want out of the current mess they're in, which to them doesn't seem will ever go away. That's kind of this. I hate my life right now, and it's hard to consider it'll get better. Since I'm not convinced it'll get better, nor do I know how, I still don't want to die necessarily. Rather, I'd instead like to just sleep for a few years, "wake me up when it gets better."
I know that's not the thing to do, but as for actually getting better... I'll get back to you on that when I figure it out.
As for saying that suicide is selfish, I'm not sure it's completely fair to say it's only a selfish act. When someone is so clinically depressed, all that's on their mind is death and getting away from life. They're not trying to hurt those who love them; the contrary, many who commit suicide are convinced that those who love them would be better off without them. Suicide's just irrational like that.
Last edited:
justsomeone
New member
I think about killing myself and dying all the damn time. And yes, I've also planned to actually kill myself.
First I thought of cutting into my wrists and bleed to death. When I realised I was never going to make it there, I thought of jumping off of a high building and falling to my death. One day I even left home and went to the neighbouring town ('bout 5 miles away) to climb the highest building over there and jump off. But it turned out that entering it wasn't as easy as it looked from afar, so my courage depleted rather quickly.
This school year made a pledge to kill myself... this school year. Very seriously actually, I sorted myself out and even selected a high, easily climbable building. And after school I went there a few times to see how I should get up there and to see if I'd already have the courage to get up there.
Only in the most positive of moods I'm willing to just go on living and finish it properly. Willing, not wanting. Otherwise, right now for example, I want to die as soon and quickly as possible. And now that I mention it, I wonder why I should not commit suicide if it's all I can think about.
Also, I have AvPD.
First I thought of cutting into my wrists and bleed to death. When I realised I was never going to make it there, I thought of jumping off of a high building and falling to my death. One day I even left home and went to the neighbouring town ('bout 5 miles away) to climb the highest building over there and jump off. But it turned out that entering it wasn't as easy as it looked from afar, so my courage depleted rather quickly.
This school year made a pledge to kill myself... this school year. Very seriously actually, I sorted myself out and even selected a high, easily climbable building. And after school I went there a few times to see how I should get up there and to see if I'd already have the courage to get up there.
Only in the most positive of moods I'm willing to just go on living and finish it properly. Willing, not wanting. Otherwise, right now for example, I want to die as soon and quickly as possible. And now that I mention it, I wonder why I should not commit suicide if it's all I can think about.
Also, I have AvPD.
I've attempted suicide before.
I took pills, and spent 3 days in the hospital. It was the most painfull experience of my life.
And I see now that suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can ever do. There are people that love you, and putting them through that much pain is just plain cruel.
This life is not long, you can get through it. You can make it happy, but you have to take steps to make yourself better.
I took pills, and spent 3 days in the hospital. It was the most painfull experience of my life.
And I see now that suicide is the most selfish thing anyone can ever do. There are people that love you, and putting them through that much pain is just plain cruel.
This life is not long, you can get through it. You can make it happy, but you have to take steps to make yourself better.
BlueDays
1
I have thought about it off and on since I was 19.
Tried it twice in two days, first time wasn't enough, second time panicked.
It's hard to do without a quick method available. I think if I only had SA/AvPD, I would not frequently think about it. It's the deep depression on top of the avoidance that always makes living unbearable.
Tried it twice in two days, first time wasn't enough, second time panicked.
It's hard to do without a quick method available. I think if I only had SA/AvPD, I would not frequently think about it. It's the deep depression on top of the avoidance that always makes living unbearable.
Bustn Justin
Well-known member
I have SA and depression and have suicidal tendencies. For me my two choices is to get treatment for my disorder or die.
It be nice that mental illness to be treated the same as a physical illness. Without treating a mental disorder, people do die.
It be nice that mental illness to be treated the same as a physical illness. Without treating a mental disorder, people do die.
Apotheosis
Well-known member
I have attempted suicide once, but never again.
It was the single most painful experience of my life. For a day after I left the ER I felt extreme physical pain, but for the weeks following the emotional pain was worse by far.
Killing yourself does not end your pain, it simply inflicts that suffering onto someone else; all your loved ones, your friends, associates - anyone who has ever known you will live with the pain you forced on them by taking your own life.
Suicide is not a solution. Suicide is not freedom. Suicide is death - it is utter black, a cold, crushing weight on those who once were touched by your life, but who's own lives now are chilled by your death.
It's not worth it.
It was the single most painful experience of my life. For a day after I left the ER I felt extreme physical pain, but for the weeks following the emotional pain was worse by far.
Killing yourself does not end your pain, it simply inflicts that suffering onto someone else; all your loved ones, your friends, associates - anyone who has ever known you will live with the pain you forced on them by taking your own life.
Suicide is not a solution. Suicide is not freedom. Suicide is death - it is utter black, a cold, crushing weight on those who once were touched by your life, but who's own lives now are chilled by your death.
It's not worth it.
theslowesthand
Banned
I think there will be MANY various disorders/problems/situations which are able to, if they get bad enough, bring a person to the point where they are thinking suicidal thoughts. AvPD (usu) means amongst other things, lack of a "social support structure", which means one's OTHER (& possibly AvPD) problems are harder to handle, and therefore possibly more likely to lead to suicidal thoughts, if the person is prone to such.
Good points. The truth is nobody knows for sure what happens after death. It could well be that in the first few moments "on the other side" you might actually wish you HADN'T. But thats with the benefit of wisdom received after the event, which one didn't know before it. Who knows what reasons there could be. Maybe that we don't actually die (only change form from energy maifested as body to energy manifested as spirit). Who knows. But the problem is that before that extra knowledge of the unknown, it can be kind of hard to "care" about it, as it effectively is "not real" to you ... until (if) it happens....
theslowesthand
Banned
I know how bad life can be when you're depressed, suicidal & such. Been there done that, for many years. It's just pain, misery, suffering, hopelessness, and not much else.
It does seem like your in a really bad way at the moment. And you appear to have made a major decision about your life/future?. A big part of life is about making choices & decisions. Choices are more about what you feel like doing; decisions are more about logic/planning. One of the few things we can control (or influence) in life are our thoughts, our actions, & our decisions. Basically, you reap what you sow. If your life now is "crap", its essentially the result of primarily your past thoughts, actions & choices/decisions. The same goes for the future life.
So what I am going to ask you, is what you need to ask yourself. It is: Have you really, truly made a completely-thought-through, 100%-correct decision???. Have you left ZERO stones unturned?. Have you accounted for ALL POSSIBLE scenarios of what the results might be? Do you know all there is to know about life & death? Are you absolutely 100% certain "you" wouldn't regret it??? You owe it to yourself to exhaust ABSOLUTELY ALL avenues/options before you commit to such a decision.
Hastings & Main
Well-known member
Completely awesome point!
Unfortunately, when you're 'down in the pit', a person always forgets this, due to the anguish pushing most of our logic out of the way.
I just went through a three-day grief-bender over the usual things we get down on, and suicide was there all 3 days, albeit not enough for me to take it into any dangerous area. Only after it lifted did I remind myself how horrible it would be to end this life without actually having TRIED anything.
Afraid to do anything because I might fail? I must make failure a part of the adventure.
Afraid of how I'll look if I do fail? How do those people look, the ones who never try, but instead wait for others to fall down?
I'm going to print this out & keep it handy, so thanks!