Attn SP's: I need your input please!

writermonkey

writermonkey

New member
Hey guys! I was wondering if y'all would help me out. I'm writing a novel and my main character has social phobia. While I do know what it's like to suffer from a phobia, I do not have SA/SP specifically, so whatever specifics you can give me would be great! What I'd like to know is:

Do any of you perform any kinds of rituals or habits when facing your phobia? Any OCD-like behaviors, or rituals you can't seem to help performing?

Thanks so much for your help!
 
Warlock

Warlock

Well-known member
Many people with social phobia (myself included) do some sort of twich to releave stress when they are either in or thinking about an anxious social situation. For example, I kind of pop my neck with my jaw. Sometimes I pop my neck with my head, but my subconscious has switched me to the jaw because people were noticing my head and I don't want to attact attention to myself.
 
GIOLANDA

GIOLANDA

Well-known member
I play with my hair,or with my cell phone. I can't remember anything else,but I write myself,so you can pm me and ask me whatever you want.
 
longlivesolitude

longlivesolitude

Well-known member
I also have a habbit of playing with my hair if I get nervous. Or playing is probably not the right word but scratching is more accurate.
 
itchy

itchy

Active member
before I make phone calls it can sometimes take me a good 20 minutes to prepare...I'll go over in my head what exactly I want to say, and I think about all the possibilities that this person might want to chat...I try to think of back up things to say for emergencys! Often I'll write out all the key points on paper before I start...and then when it's over I often talk to myself, going over the whole conversation and analysing it to check if anything I said was stupid or not.
 
june

june

Active member
itchy said "before I make phone calls it can sometimes take me a good 20 minutes to prepare...I'll go over in my head what exactly I want to say, and I think about all the possibilities that this person might want to chat...I try to think of back up things to say for emergencys! Often I'll write out all the key points on paper before I start...and then when it's over I often talk to myself, going over the whole conversation and analysing it to check if anything I said was stupid or not."

me too!! As to having become a perfectionist in anything to avoid negative judgment, I became very scholarly as to escape negative judgment for not having friends. It was easier to study during lunch then eat by myself
 
Lotrsfan

Lotrsfan

Well-known member
i just bite my nails or not really the nails but the skin near my nails. I sometimes play with my hair, or shake my foot when sitting, and recently i've started scratching my right arm even when it's not itchy.
 
corsa

corsa

Well-known member
usually when i'm stressed i'll play with my ear and tug at my earrings. Or lately i've been rubbing the side of my index finger on the arch of my eyebrows. (!)
 
black_mamba

black_mamba

Well-known member
writermonkey said:
Do any of you perform any kinds of rituals or habits when facing your phobia? Any OCD-like behaviors, or rituals you can't seem to help performing?
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LoL I like the way you said 'hey Sps!' in the title :lol:

As for rituals: biting lips, covering my mouth with my hands all the time, looking at the floor a lot, the whole telephone thing (as mentioned above), actually I don't even answer my phone anymore.

The only thing I've become a perfectionist in is my academic life. If I'm going to be a socially inept fool, I might as well have some decent academic credentials behind me.
 
Scottish_Player

Scottish_Player

Well-known member
For me i get little twitches on my eye lid and my lip/mouth, i also constantly put my hand up to my nose and rub it, it must seem to some people like i have a coke habit by the way i do it :lol: the other thing i do is constantly scartch the back of my neck.

A new thing i have started when nervous and i dont know why is grinding my teeth, and this has only been in the pat 2 years or so.

What is the name of the novel you are writing and where and when will it be released.
 
writermonkey

writermonkey

New member
Oh, Lord, I haven't even come close to the publication process yet...it's still being written! :) But I promise to let y'all know when it's out. I need all of your approvals more than anyone!

As for calling everyone SP's in the title, I didn't mean to only refer to you by a label...I actually just meant to distinguish between those that are phobics and those with anxiety, if that makes sense. :) But thanks for seeing the humor in it black_mamba!
 
Mary

Mary

Well-known member
writermonkey said:
Have any of you become perfectionists (in appearance, performance, etc.)as a way to avoid negative judgement?
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I get that way if someone comes over and the house isn't spotless..I feel they are judging me for it. I also want to look my best around others but no matter how much I clean or dress up I still feel insecure..
Can I ask you a question just out of curiosity? Why do you want to write a book about SP people if you yourself don't have it? What made you interested in writing about SP?
 
renegade

renegade

Well-known member
Sorry, but couldn't resist to say this: one individual who is NOT suffering from social phobia or at least mild shyness can't write a credible book about an SP guy. :?

Correct me if i'm wrong, but you could disinform the people with your book. That is unless we all SP'ers look at what you wrote and correct you. I'm not being rude. All I want is the truth to be written in your book.

Hope I wasn't rude. I wish you good luck with your book and I hope it becomes a bestseller. And the only way it will do that is by attracting the shy/SP ppls attention, even if they doesn't found out yet about this disorder. I dunno, you could put a suggestive title on the front cover along with a bright background to catch the eye's attention. Your book can help ppl find out about this disorder. :wink:

And yeah, sign me in as a buyer :D
 
writermonkey

writermonkey

New member
I appreciate your honesty, renegade, and believe me, that is something I am extremely concerned about. And you're right. I don't want to do injustice to anyone/anything I write about. That's why I've joined this forum. And others. I've read more reference books of phobias and anxiety disorders than one could probably imagine! I'm sick of 'em. It is such a one-sided view (they're almost all written by doctors/therapists) so I want to hear right from you guys.

The novel also follows characters with other phobias as well, not just social phobia. I myself suffer from emetophobia (fear of vomiting) which has in the past few years developed into something like agoraphobia. I feel like I want to be able to discuss what life is like with phobias, all types of phobias.

Maybe I should also point out that the novel is going to be a comedy? :)

Oops, I've said too much and probably sound way to defensive. :)
 
black_mamba

black_mamba

Well-known member
writermonkey said:
Oh, Lord, I haven't even come close to the publication process yet...it's still being written! :) But I promise to let y'all know when it's out. I need all of your approvals more than anyone!

As for calling everyone SP's in the title, I didn't mean to only refer to you by a label...I actually just meant to distinguish between those that are phobics and those with anxiety, if that makes sense. :) But thanks for seeing the humor in it black_mamba!
Click to expand...

Aha whoops, sometimes I forget that we catogarise them as two seperate things. Sorry, I'm more SA than SP, but thats such a little detail... 8)
 
Jack-B

Jack-B

Well-known member
Writermonkey,

"Have any of you become perfectionists (in appearance, performance, etc.)as a way to avoid negative judgement"

I would say that that this is a classic example of the obssesiveness of control of someone who suffers with social anxiety and phobia.

This happens because we feel we need control. And when we know we are about to lose control we prepare ourself, like in battle. Many of us have routines and love sticking with them or rituals which help us connect with our inner strength. This is good, its bad when we become obssesive about it.

Personally i have struggled with the perfectionist in me, this organised being who anaylises everything. The trouble with this is that there is such a tendency to over think everything in trying to make it as stress free as possible yet the only thing that needs controlled is the mind. Realizing that this over preparing and imagining causes stress of not knowing, its far simpler to abandon thinking too much about things and just relaxing in the knowing that its not life and death, the anxiety itself isnt actually that unbearable, the thought of it is far worse. What we imagine is quite horrific indeed.

Thinking one thing at a time is the more peaceful way of accepting how things are instead of creating perfectionism.

Jack
 
S

scatmantom

Well-known member
I clock watch when I have something scary coming up like a presentation or a night out. I always check the clock like every 30 seconds and dread the time when I have to leave the house. Then when it comes to leavin I have to check ive got phone keys and wallet then i make my way to the door with a feelin of DREAD.
 
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