Are you married or in a relationship?

Are you married or in a relationsip?

  • Yes, married

    Votes: 17 7.6%

  • Yes, in a relationship

    Votes: 38 17.0%

  • both

    Votes: 5 2.2%

  • none

    Votes: 162 72.6%

  • Can't say

    Votes: 4 1.8%
  • Total voters
    223
neardeath

neardeath

Well-known member
lost the love of my life in 2008 to pancreatic cancer at age 50. We were together 10-1/2 years. I am not looking. Life was pretty much over after that. I have a dog and a cat.
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
Eh.....This is complicated...

Im married. Both my wife and me have S/A, but hers is way more to the extreme. To the point there are many things that she cant do because of it. This forced me to do things i didnt think i could, which has hardened me and made it easier to overcome, but, on the flip side, its also enabled her to continue as she is....somthing that im breaking now.

We may or may not be divorced soon. That part if unknown. But im trying to get her to be more independent...Ive realized ive been enabling her for 8+ yrs and thats only made her S/A worse....need to be cruel to be kind.
 
Unspoken

Unspoken

Well-known member
Nope, but it's affected my ability to wind up in one. I don't think I'd go very well with someone who wants to do a lot of exciting social things in the first place because I'm naturally low-key, so I doubt it would be too disruptive as long as I could go do things with them once in awhile.
 
A friend

A friend

Well-known member
Rawz said:
No, I am not. I'm free.



Freeeeee!
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I'd say you're a very lucky person and I envy you, because it seems that the involuntary components in your brain aren't forcing you to want the unobtainable.

What's making me have the desire for a girlfriend/wife operates off of its own will (it's a component of my brain that hopefully I'll be able to have surgically removed one day), and if it wasn't for that, I'd have your attitude on this subject as well.

Believe me, it's a huge pain and it either annoys the living f*** outta me, or makes me sad.

And my message to the other users on this site; if the rest of you are capable of this and don't have something inside your brains that's forcing you to want something against your own will, be thankful. It's a true gift.

awkwardamanda said:
My parents don't exactly pressure me, but my dad says some stupid things sometimes. He's so out of touch with reality. My brother and his girlfriend (who are younger than me, btw) just bought a house. A few weeks earlier, we were all taking about how housing prices keep going up and I said, "I'll be screwed when I go to buy house." So my dad said, "You need a job first." Well no kidding! I'm not gonna move out if I don't have a job. Then, a moment later he's like, "You need a boyfriend first."
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The key to a successful life DOES NOT depend entirely upon the game of romantic love, nope. Now, I'm not pointing fingers at any gender here, but if anything, having a bf or gf might cost more money rather then getting any.

If it's about the money, then get a roommate instead. That's a lot easier imo, my little brother got one without even having to try, and so did one of my cousins.

Or, if he's not hinting at money (and a social status symbol instead), then that's totally stupid. Why would you need social approval to live on your own?


awkwardamanda said:
:kickingmyself: I just glared at him and said, "Why?" My brother's girlfriend told him, "It's not the 20s." We all laughed. I said, "Thanks." Then my mom pointed out that her stepmom had her own house when she was single.
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A bunch of people (of both genders) had houses when they were single, and still have them now in this day and age.

awkwardamanda said:
Hell if he thinks I'm just waiting around for some random boyfriend just so I have an excuse to move out. I'm not going to live with any guy unless I plan to keep him,
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(This might be a little off topic, so I say we should drop this part quick if the mods get agitated by it)

I'd say you should date him for a few years before planning to keep him. My dad and step mom have been having an unstable marriage (that's been having power struggles throughout the years), and my step mom moved in before their relationship was even six months old.

They got married quickly, and of course now my dad regrets it half the time. So I'd say you shouldn't do the same if you want your mind to stay in one piece, in case your boyfriend is the same kind of person as my step mom (i.e. power hungry).

awkwardamanda said:
and if my dad thinks that's gonna happen in the next couple of years he's nuts.
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Nuts is putting it lightly.

awkwardamanda said:
I sure as hell don't want to be living with my parents in my 30s.
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Who does?

awkwardamanda said:
If I am, that definitely will not help me get a boyfriend.
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I think people (of both genders) aren't fans of adults living with their parents in general. Of course, that doesn't make you a bad person. Living with your parents isn't a testament of your morality.

awkwardamanda said:
I don't even like the idea of having a boyfriend while I'm still here.
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I understand that. I've noticed that some parents I've seen tend to spy on their offspring's relationships, my little brother was victim to that.

awkwardamanda said:
And if I do have a boyfriend when I decide to move out, I still intend to live alone. I need some time to just be by myself.
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I choose to think that this is the case with a lot of people. In fact, I think that in order to have a decently successful relationship, you need to get rid of your problems.

And of course, being by yourself will give you room to do that, and will let you prepare yourself emotionally.

Right now that's what I'm trying to do, because I doubt that I'm in an emotional condition to have a romantic relationship, because I'm loaded with insecurities and still have scars from the past due to being abused by women and watching even worse things happen to my dad along with my other male friends and family members.

My point? Don't try to enter relationships if you got emotional issues, because I doubt your girl is going to want to be with you if you despise her gender.
 
awkwardamanda

awkwardamanda

Well-known member
A friend said:
The key to a successful life DOES NOT depend entirely upon the game of romantic love, nope. Now, I'm not pointing fingers at any gender here, but if anything, having a bf or gf might cost more money rather then getting any.

If it's about the money, then get a roommate instead. That's a lot easier imo, my little brother got one without even having to try, and so did one of my cousins.
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Money will determine whether I buy a house or rent an apartment first. But I definitely do not want a roommate.

A friend said:
Or, if he's not hinting at money (and a social status symbol instead), then that's totally stupid. Why would you need social approval to live on your own?

A bunch of people (of both genders) had houses when they were single, and still have them now in this day and age.
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As I said, he's out of touch with reality. Maybe he just thinks I can't deal with everything on my own.

A friend said:
(This might be a little off topic, so I say we should drop this part quick if the mods get agitated by it)

I'd say you should date him for a few years before planning to keep him. My dad and step mom have been having an unstable marriage (that's been having power struggles throughout the years), and my step mom moved in before their relationship was even six months old.

They got married quickly, and of course now my dad regrets it half the time. So I'd say you shouldn't do the same if you want your mind to stay in one piece, in case your boyfriend is the same kind of person as my step mom (i.e. power hungry).
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Yeah, I'd say at least a year or two. (Of course, this is under the unlikely assumption that I even find someone.) You need plenty of time to get to know each other, in order to avoid situations like that. Even if I think he's the right guy, I still wouldn't be in any hurry to get married or move in together.

A friend said:
Nuts is putting it lightly.
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Lol.

A friend said:
Who does?

I think people (of both genders) aren't fans of adults living with their parents in general. Of course, that doesn't make you a bad person. Living with your parents isn't a testament of your morality.

I understand that. I've noticed that some parents I've seen tend to spy on their offspring's relationships, my little brother was victim to that.
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I had a boyfriend when I was 20ish, but that's still young enough to be at home. I'm 27. If I met someone now, I wouldn't feel like I have any privacy. They don't bother my brother and his girlfriend, but I would still feel weird about it. Likely, my dad would find some way to embarrass me. And I've only got room for a twin bed in here anyway. That's no fun for an adult relationship.

A friend said:
I choose to think that this is the case with a lot of people. In fact, I think that in order to have a decently successful relationship, you need to get rid of your problems.

And of course, being by yourself will give you room to do that, and will let you prepare yourself emotionally.

Right now that's what I'm trying to do, because I doubt that I'm in an emotional condition to have a romantic relationship, because I'm loaded with insecurities and still have scars from the past due to being abused by women and watching even worse things happen to my dad along with my other male friends and family members.

My point? Don't try to enter relationships if you got emotional issues, because I doubt your girl is going to want to be with you if you despise her gender.
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Exactly. I just need the chance to be the introvert that I am. I don't feel I am in any position to be in a relationship right now. Once I get the rest of my life more or less on track, I still may not go looking for a boyfriend, but I will be open to the possibility.
 
Predacon

Predacon

Well-known member
I'm impressed over 30% are married or in a relationship, I wouldn't have expected it to be that high :)
 
JohnnAY

JohnnAY

Well-known member
Geo said:
I'm in a relationship.

It started out well but eventually my gf found out about my SA. She thinks it doesn't matter thankfully. Also if you think being in a relationship will solve your problems it won't. It may just make them worse.
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This^

Been single for over a year and a half now, but was in one back in 2011. I projected a tremendous amount of my own insecurities on her and it eventually fell apart. Depending on how bad your SA is, it's usually emotionally demanding on your partner. I understood that it wasn't fair for her to continually deal with my anxiety so we both agreed to end it.

So yea, it does affect it.
 
S

Silatuyok

Well-known member
Having SA has affected every relationship I've been in. On the other hand, being in relationships has helped me overcome my SA to some extent.
 
Saga

Saga

Well-known member
No, I'm not. I don't know any guys and I don't have the time right now to go out actively and pursue any. I imagine SA would affect it, if I did. I'm not sure. :3
 
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