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Poll: Are you married or in a relationsip?
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Are you married or in a relationsip?

 
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Old 01-28-2013
 

24 in may sadly single and more and likely single forever .. having s.a is hard as it try .. don't see the point in trying some days as its hard finding/getting a r-ship when you do have one you can keep it because of s.a
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Old 01-28-2013
LRP
 

Yes, I have been married a year now and my SA is seriously affecting my marriage. My husband is an extrovert and I explained to him my condition. He says he understands but yet he is always trying to force me into these uncomfortable situations. Every time we go somewhere he has to talk to EVERYONE. He starts conversations with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, strangers sitting next to us in restaurants. What makes it worse is that he will put me on the spot and force me into the conversation. His family is very judgmental and we have to go to their house for holidays and non holidays. I get talked about for not interacting. Sometimes I regret getting married because it's getting to the point that I hate going anywhere with my husband. I feel bad because it's not fair to him but I just don't know what to do. I try over an over again but it only gets worse with each experience.
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Old 01-28-2013
1BlackSheep's Avatar
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by KiaKaha View Post
I would take it as a compliment. People must see you as attainable and attractive and assume that you are snatched up!
Haha, if only that were true! Hence the reason I'm thinking it's not a compliment.
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Old 01-28-2013
 

Turning 21 in May, feeling that i'll most likely be single forever. Have had one attractive girl show interest in me, but due to SA i didn't act on it in time and she lost interest
Don't actually look myself (the person mentioned above being by chance, i felt incredibly lucky at the time!) and i don't think i ever intend to.

I'm more interested in exploring my psyche with narcotics these days than i am in women.
eldirith is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
sullyS25's Avatar
Expert User
 

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I think being in a relationship magnifies my insecurities, especially since it is a long distance one. I don't say that to complain though, I try and accept it and see it as an opportunity to grow, which is difficult sometimes but I have to face the fears sometime....So why not now?

I also think it has helped make the relationship stronger because we have great communication and I can voice my insecurities and every time I have she has assured me that she will be by my side to walk through my struggles and will show me she loves me until I believe for myself that I am lovable.
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Old 01-28-2013
Xervello's Avatar
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Single, but I'm seriously considering a very intense relationship with some pizza later.
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Old 01-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Xervello View Post
Single, but I'm seriously considering a very intense relationship with some pizza later.
ha hahahahah lololol
CursedSoul is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
 

whats the roll? so many people are saying 'none'?
wow, and i thought only i was lonely
CursedSoul is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by eldirith View Post
Turning 21 in May, feeling that i'll most likely be single forever. Have had one attractive girl show interest in me, but due to SA i didn't act on it in time and she lost interest
Don't actually look myself (the person mentioned above being by chance, i felt incredibly lucky at the time!) and i don't think i ever intend to.

I'm more interested in exploring my psyche with narcotics these days than i am in women.
m sorry.........
CursedSoul is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ukmale View Post
24 in may sadly single and more and likely single forever .. having s.a is hard as it try .. don't see the point in trying some days as its hard finding/getting a r-ship when you do have one you can keep it because of s.a
good lck for futre
CursedSoul is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LRP View Post
Yes, I have been married a year now and my SA is seriously affecting my marriage. My husband is an extrovert and I explained to him my condition. He says he understands but yet he is always trying to force me into these uncomfortable situations. Every time we go somewhere he has to talk to EVERYONE. He starts conversations with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, strangers sitting next to us in restaurants. What makes it worse is that he will put me on the spot and force me into the conversation. His family is very judgmental and we have to go to their house for holidays and non holidays. I get talked about for not interacting. Sometimes I regret getting married because it's getting to the point that I hate going anywhere with my husband. I feel bad because it's not fair to him but I just don't know what to do. I try over an over again but it only gets worse with each experience.
i hate when sum fam mem forcs me 2 get n to a cnvo...t sukz
CursedSoul is offline  
Old 01-28-2013
 

my prosperous 201th post...congrats to me
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Old 01-28-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by CursedSoul View Post
m sorry.........
I'm not , it's a state of mind that i've come to terms with! For good or bad i don't really think about it, my biggest goals in life at this stage is having a decent job, and my freetime is just dedicated to reflection and entertainment.
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Old 01-29-2013
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by LRP View Post
Yes, I have been married a year now and my SA is seriously affecting my marriage. My husband is an extrovert and I explained to him my condition. He says he understands but yet he is always trying to force me into these uncomfortable situations. Every time we go somewhere he has to talk to EVERYONE. He starts conversations with cashiers, waiters, waitresses, strangers sitting next to us in restaurants. What makes it worse is that he will put me on the spot and force me into the conversation. His family is very judgmental and we have to go to their house for holidays and non holidays. I get talked about for not interacting. Sometimes I regret getting married because it's getting to the point that I hate going anywhere with my husband. I feel bad because it's not fair to him but I just don't know what to do. I try over an over again but it only gets worse with each experience.
In regards to your own situation, trying to think from your husband's point of view, I imagine that him trying to get you involved is him attempting to help you but it seems he's trying to make massive jumps in helping you rather than baby steps. Making small steps to improvement. I feel for you because marriage is such a big step to take and it's partly the reason why at the age of 26, I'm in no rush for marriage.

I would advise to try to talk to your husband and maybe tell him how you feel that you need him to dis-engage publicly and help you by taking smaller steps. So, maybe together, you could come up with arranging a meeting with a mutual friend and having a good evening? I'm not an expert but just some thoughts from my point of view.

I've always thought that if ONLY I had a girlfriend or a wife that I truly loved, then it would actually help me in my SA. You know that saying, the love of a good woman etc? I felt if I had that, I could tackle SA in situations where there are big groups because I'd have my wife as a safety net, she'd be there. But I fear my SA would come back if I had to do a practical task i.e. dropping in-laws to the airport and fearing I'd mess it up.
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Old 01-29-2013
awkwardamanda's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyC View Post
Oh, yeah, I've had that, too. My mother usually is the one pressuring me for a girlfriend. Good luck with your online dating journey.
My parents don't exactly pressure me, but my dad says some stupid things sometimes. He's so out of touch with reality. My brother and his girlfriend (who are younger than me, btw) just bought a house. A few weeks earlier, we were all taking about how housing prices keep going up and I said, "I'll be screwed when I go to buy house." So my dad said, "You need a job first." Well no kidding! I'm not gonna move out if I don't have a job. Then, a moment later he's like, "You need a boyfriend first." I just glared at him and said, "Why?" My brother's girlfriend told him, "It's not the 20s." We all laughed. I said, "Thanks." Then my mom pointed out that her stepmom had her own house when she was single. Hell if he thinks I'm just waiting around for some random boyfriend just so I have an excuse to move out. I'm not going to live with any guy unless I plan to keep him, and if my dad thinks that's gonna happen in the next couple of years he's nuts. I sure as hell don't want to be living with my parents in my 30s. If I am, that definitely will not help me get a boyfriend. I don't even like the idea of having a boyfriend while I'm still here. And if I do have a boyfriend when I decide to move out, I still intend to live alone. I need some time to just be by myself.


Quote:
Originally Posted by 1BlackSheep View Post
I'm single and not in a relationship, but people often seem to think I'm married! Just the other day at work, one of the doctors saw that I had a cold and asked if my husband was sick too - lol! Then I was called "Mrs." the other day at my doctor's appt. I'm not sure whether to take this as a complement or to be offended!
I think I would be offended. I'd be like, "What husband is this?" I hate when people make assumptions like that. Sometimes people will ask me questions like, "So what do you like to do when you hang out with your girlfriends?" I just shrug it off and say something like, "Oh, I don't go out much." But I'm thinking more like, "What friends are you talking about?" I do not have a group of girlfriends I hang out with. I have a few distant friends and I don't see them very often. Please don't just assume I have friends.
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Old 01-29-2013
MikeyC's Avatar
Elite User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by awkwardamanda View Post
My parents don't exactly pressure me, but my dad says some stupid things sometimes. He's so out of touch with reality. My brother and his girlfriend (who are younger than me, btw) just bought a house. A few weeks earlier, we were all taking about how housing prices keep going up and I said, "I'll be screwed when I go to buy house." So my dad said, "You need a job first." Well no kidding! I'm not gonna move out if I don't have a job. Then, a moment later he's like, "You need a boyfriend first." I just glared at him and said, "Why?" My brother's girlfriend told him, "It's not the 20s." We all laughed. I said, "Thanks." Then my mom pointed out that her stepmom had her own house when she was single. Hell if he thinks I'm just waiting around for some random boyfriend just so I have an excuse to move out. I'm not going to live with any guy unless I plan to keep him, and if my dad thinks that's gonna happen in the next couple of years he's nuts. I sure as hell don't want to be living with my parents in my 30s. If I am, that definitely will not help me get a boyfriend. I don't even like the idea of having a boyfriend while I'm still here. And if I do have a boyfriend when I decide to move out, I still intend to live alone. I need some time to just be by myself.
You don't need a boyfriend to validate your existence. Just do what you want and your parents should support you no matter what.
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Old 01-29-2013
awkwardamanda's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeyC View Post
You don't need a boyfriend to validate your existence. Just do what you want and your parents should support you no matter what.
He's never really been supportive of me. He's just hard to please and I don't care. I'll do whatever the hell I want in life and if he has a problem with that he can shove it.
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Old 01-29-2013
Xervello's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by awkwardamanda View Post
He's never really been supportive of me. He's just hard to please and I don't care. I'll do whatever the hell I want in life and if he has a problem with that he can shove it.

Right effen on!
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Old 01-29-2013
MikeyC's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by awkwardamanda View Post
He's never really been supportive of me. He's just hard to please and I don't care. I'll do whatever the hell I want in life and if he has a problem with that he can shove it.
His loss.
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Old 01-30-2013
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Expert User
 

My mom isn't exactly pressuring me to get a girlfriend, but I do think she's getting worried about the fact that I'm 24 and have never been in a relationship. Heck, I'm worried about it too. The older I get I feel the chances of me ever being in a relationship get worse and worse.
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