Are you a people pleaser?

I tend to be a real people pleaser.
I worry if people don't like me...even a non-verbal like yawning concerns me that I am too boring and need to think of something interesting to say.
I work hard on being agreeable and empathic but I wonder if others just think I am colourless and have no opinion.
If I am on a date I will ask what the woman wants to do, where she wants to go..so they think I am not decisive enough..(I suppose)
I am not suited to leadership because I don't like leading..afraid I will lead my sheep in the wrong direction and lose them?

And all this worry is so so exhausting !!!
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I worry if people don't like me...even a non-verbal like yawning concerns me that I am too boring and need to think of something interesting to say.
Yawning can be for any reason...even if the other person isn't breathing properly, they'll yawn. But I totally agree - a yawn indicates that I'm boring.

I tend to be a people-pleaser, too, for better or worse. However, these days I'm slowly starting to care less and less about what people think of me.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
I'm slowly becoming less and less of a people pleaser as time goes on. There's just no point to it, really. Seems like every time I go out of my way to please everyone, it backfires.
 

K3ith

Member
I am definitely a people pleaser. I constantly put myself behind others and go without so others can have or do things. I don't see this as a complete negative, as I am a giving, caring person, but I do it way too much. Sometimes you HAVE to put yourself first or you'll never get what you want out of life.

Currently trying to break it and learn to say NO more often when it will inconvenience me.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
Sometimes you HAVE to put yourself first or you'll never get what you want out of life.

Currently trying to break it and learn to say NO more often when it will inconvenience me.
That's cool, mate. I need to do this, too.
 

to·ma·to

Active member
I'm a bit different. I'm a me pleaser, as silly as that may sound.

If someone wants my help and I say no but feel bad, I try to help next time despite the cost, if any, incurred on me.

However, if I do help and I do not get enough out of it personally, if I feel bad for doing it, then I'm much more resistant next time.

Same goes for conversation.

I don't think it's selfish, I feel it's self preservation.

Regardless of what it is, I think it has some of the same pitfalls as people pleasing.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
I'm a huge people pleaser. But I don't think its too but as long as I don't become desperate about it.
 

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
I'm a bit different. I'm a me pleaser, as silly as that may sound.

I am the same way. I have no problem saying no. And yes, I have social anxiety. I do want to be liked of course. But it has to be under my terms. When someone yawns while talking to me or doesn't really comment on what I said, I do take it personally. I also worry about being seen as "colorless".

We cannot please everyone. So, I remind myself of that, and try to do what will please me. I don't always have to have my way either. I just try to please myself first...'cause then at least one person will be pleased ;)
 
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Hi,
This sounds so much like me!
I always ask what other people want, I always wanna help them, I never wanna hurt them by saying rude stuff, I always listen to people when they need me, I always wanna make sure other people are feeling happy with me.

Weird thing isn't it?

With friends, if they call me on the phone (happens rarely,like few times in a year but still...) or mostly on the messenger I keep on talking to them so I can help them and I can't get it out off my mind and need to still be there for them like continuely.. I never get tired of helping someone, some people do and they back off.. say now it's enough but I keep on hanging there, it's funny some people see this is as a positive traint, cuz I could be a therapist who can work so many hours and be a great helper.. but i also experience i can go on and on about my own problems.. So it's not always a good thing..
It has good and bad sides... I'm such an analyst.. lol haha some people hate me for that, but my mom always tells me ''I do find it uneasy sometimes, but I still love you no matter what, no matter how many days you'll say i have this and that or i cannot get it out of my mind, you still are a great daughter and it makes you special even though it's rough'' She told me yesterday and it makes me feel that my mom will never judge it like fully like some people did in the past.. I'm just very self-suffering and also for others, but still people can still accept this part.. If they are truly loving to you, whatever your situation your in.. they will stand beside you and that is so important.

About the leading part and people pleaser situation -

Funny thing is that in love I can be leading, I am not afraid of taking the iniative for example, i know i can be a very people pleaser by always giving love and i know that has hurted me in a few dates/relationships, it's important that love is about give and return, otherwise a relationship doesn't work... You won't get pleased and you will of course make the other person happy but it is VERY important to take too, just tell yourself you are worth it too, it's not selfish at all, love is mutual right, also goes with give and take. ;)

So just be sure the other person accepts this part of you and won't USE IT.... That's the biggest mistake in society... You need a person by your side who is giving too... doesn't have to be so much like you are, just the respect for this side and will take good care of it, not like players who want to use you like a dependent lover... and they will hang them on you. That's NOT COOL!

I know i'm very vulnerable to let this happen to myself but believe me it does get better.. it also depends on what person you have beside you..
In the past girls always told me ''Oh can you come over to my place'' and they never wanted to travel for me... :/ So I worked my ass off for them and also best friends who asked me ''do you wanna buy this'' and i always bought stuff to make them happy, how such a stupid thing is that? Now i just broke the contact and said friendship is so much more worth that money...!

It's very weird how people can be so selfish... A little isn't a big deal it's even good to make GOOD decisions and be sure of it i know i'm gaining this feeling a little more and it works to be like that to just let people know you have a life too and want to see effort from them too to make YOU happy, i know this can go wrong very easily when you are always the person making them happy, those people don't understand the rule of give and take or they forget it i know i always give and sometimes i just DON'T anymore so i can test the other person (whoever it is) if he she really puts effort in our bond, but people who are so about taking.. They will cause you pain and some can't help it, you need to let him know he has to show you love before he gains your love back, so he has to fight hard... let him show that you are not giving for nothing, SELF RESPECT! :)(or she , i suppose your a guy.. i dunno, and about your orientation heh)


GOod luck dude
 
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vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Yes, I am. If something asks something of me, I can't say no. I want people to like me (or not dislike me), and I'm a sensitive person so I avoid conflict, confrontation, and rejection at all costs. I make a lot of neutral comments, and say what I think I'm "supposed" to say. If someone came up to me and said they hated Fiona Apple, there is a better chance of me agreeing than disagreeing, even though obviously I don't really agree (I like her a lot).
 
Yes, I am. If something asks something of me, I can't say no. I want people to like me (or not dislike me), and I'm a sensitive person so I avoid conflict, confrontation, and rejection at all costs. I make a lot of neutral comments, and say what I think I'm "supposed" to say. If someone came up to me and said they hated Fiona Apple, there is a better chance of me agreeing than disagreeing, even though obviously I don't really agree (I like her a lot).

If there weren't people like us, then the loud talkaholics wouldn't have anyone to listen to them!
 

to·ma·to

Active member
I am the same way. I have no problem saying no. And yes, I have social anxiety. I do want to be liked of course. But it has to be under my terms. When someone yawns while talking to me or doesn't really comment on what I said, I do take it personally. I also worry about being seen as "colorless".

We cannot please everyone. So, I remind myself of that, and try to do what will please me. I don't always have to have my way either. I just try to please myself first...'cause then at least one person will be pleased ;)

Yes! :) I'm glad I'm not alone. ::eek::

If there weren't people like us, then the loud talkaholics wouldn't have anyone to listen to them!

I'm confident they'd find someone. ::(:
 
Yawning is a way to get more oxygen, you do get more oxygen when you sleep. People therefore make the link between sleep and yawning and thus sleeping yawning boredom but actually it's not necessarily true. Smokers would yawn more than non-smokers....there's lots of things to consider before deciding that is the reason she yawned. If somebody did it purposefully to indicate that they were bored that would be extremely rude...but even if they did, they would have indicated it in another way before trying that... no I'm sure it wasn't an indication of boredom.

I'm not a people pleaser, I am a considerate person I don't just think about myself but I'm definitely not a people pleaser. haha categorically not.
 
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