Another crazy question about people

Hey,

How are you? me? Im good considering...

Anyway.. I wanted to get some feedback on this. See, I have a hard time making friends, I think part of my problem is that I try a little too hard..maybe come on to strong... I am quite shy so I think I send out mixed signals which confuse people....and I dont handle rejection to well...I always try to be a good chap and it makes me feel a bit crap when people dont see that in me. Anyway.. that being said I am quite frustrated with the "how" to make friends thing. It seems that people dont want anything to do with you if they dont know you. But everybody is a stranger at one point or another, so how do these bonds of friendship form?

Its like this... IMHO

Two strangers...dont know each other...dont bother with each other...no communication...no bond.... no friendship...

I see it everywhere...and it feels like I am the only one who notices it.

What I am really asking is...how is it that people form any kind of relationship with one another if no body is willing to make the first move?

I used to think, ok well I will be different, I will say hello first and I will do the small talk, I will introduce myself FIRST...but even then...people just dont want to know you for the shear fact that they dont already know you..

is this making any sense?

Also another thing is...how does another person KNOW that they dont like you if they dont know you? Wouldnt make more sense to have the insight to realize that you can only dislike someone if you know them...?

argh...

I used to believe strangers were only friends that you havent met yet...but now I think I am wrong... I am so confused.

Help...?

In theory it takes two things - some creative thinking (regarding what to talk about and how to keep the the dialogue flowing), and some sense of initiative (ie. starting the initial conversation). If you can figure out those two things, you're golden. I myself can't, and I'm sure lots of others here have that same problem. I'm more and more convinced that I'm this unconnected anomaly of a person, leading a shallow, meaningless life. It's like any time I tell myself it's okay to strike up a conversation, I realize that I have no real basis to start talking to the person involved, so it's like no matter what, I'm a creep and my convo is unwarranted. It gets worse as you get older, because you realize that being so avoidant has made you burn your bridges with people in the past, so you have no long-standing ties to people you can fall back on.

I guess ultimately it's just really hard to network and get to know people if you don't have a circle of existing friends. Things like having a job helps, but even then, it's what you make of it - it's entirely possible to be a loner/creep at work, too. So unless you're always putting yourself out there, making an effort with people all the time, life is pretty lonely. And it's tough when you realize you're the only one who can change it.

Friendships form when people see each other on a regular basis, such as at work. It takes time for a connection to occur. This is why you are unlikely to have luck between strangers. I have noticed at the cafe I frequent, that I'm getting lots of smiles and eye contact from one of the staff; over time it has gone up a level from simply customer service to an unspoken friendship. So maybe ask yourself if there are people you see often who you could start being friendly towards, easing into to eg a smile and a "hi"

More often than not, there already IS a bond between those two strangers who eventually become friends. They already know each other before that first meeting, so, during the preliminary stages of interaction, they recognize one another.

..which is to say that they have something in common before they become friends. They already have a basic, orientational grasp of the other person's personality before they meet. This is useful in several ways.

Firstly, it gives them something to talk about, something that they both are equally interested in. They can build off of each other's enthusiasm, fueling their confidence to take the next step toward friendship.

It also works like a friendship-competence resume; it lets them assess your personality without you babbling away for half an hour trying to gain their trust and approval. Since you both know the subject matter, simply knowing that the other person is also interested gives you a taste of their personality. Also, because people's first meetings are usually short and sweet, it's advantageous as something that says quite a bit about you in an extremely small slot of time.

Having these common interests will lead the two people into similar activities, and will therefore have substantially more time spent with each other, which, as Phocas said, is very important.

friend request sent... lol

Going Insane said:

friend request sent... lol

Click to expand...

this...