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Old 08-05-2006
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where does your pain come from? Does your pain come from long ago, from being rejected? From trying to be good and doing the right thing, only to be rejected ...and from then on...always trying to be accepted..to be loved. Are you like me, in a city of a few million people...yet always alone. Do you go to work and thru your job, you are always conversing with employees, customers, shop owners and people you see every day---always trying to put on a brave front that you are ready to face whatever the world throws in your face....yet you go home every night, alone. Do you wake up each morning , optimistic that ''today will be a better day'', yet it feels the same day after day....always hoping to connect with someone special, or even to make a few friends...but something deep inside you whispers ''don't allow anyone to get too close to your heart..they will crush it, like in the past''? I want so much more in my life, and i tire of my routine. It is time to let them in, to free my heart and my mind of my self imposed torture and let myself flow and just be. I spent the better part of my life in fear of what others might think of me and how i should react...it is time to move on and say goodbye to the pain of the past.
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Old 08-05-2006
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I think a lot of us feel like you mate.....ulta sensitive,observing everyone around us to see if there talking about us...we seem to have ultra sensitive ears that tune in on everything people are saying and if it is something negative about us we clam up,get embarassed.

Come on people lets start speaking up for ourselves...were good people we deserve some respect.
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Old 08-05-2006
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People have told me that the reason that I don't have close friends is because I don't let people in, don't let them get to know the real me. My pain comes from the fact that I have let people in, people who I really cared about, and every single time I have done this that friendship dies. People are ok with me as long as the relationship is superficial. My pain comes from deep inside where the loving side of my personality is withering away because no one wants it, no one feeds it, no one wants to know it exists. My pain comes from the thought that there must be something wrong with me that I am just not seeing, some horrible personality flaw that I cannot see but that automatically causes rejection by the rest of society. And now I find myself rejecting everyone before they can reject me, in an attempt to protect what is left of my fragile ego. Often, I just feel so tired of it all, tired of the social mask, tired of the struggle to maintain the image of a normal life, tired of the solitude which protects/chains me...
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