Afraid of communicating with others

Marc7

Well-known member
Recently a girl online that I been talking to asked me if I want to text with her and I'm very scared. I'm scared because I have a lot of things I don't want people to know or dark secrets such I have low motivation etc.. Basically I am scared not just with her but other non sa or avpd people of opening up to them what's really going on with me. I am afraid they might judge me and stop talking to me and I would take that harshly. Another thing I'm scared of is if things don't go well she will still have my number and who knows what she will do with it. Also I don't know if she has the same phone as me so I don't know how texting would work out. But I do want to talk to her as this chance doesn't come very often to text someone. What should I do?
 

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
I don't know how much you know about this girl but if you haven't known her for very long and if she doesn't know very much about you I would be hesitant to give out the phone number to her, even more so if she lives in another city, country, or state. With that said let me try to put your mind at ease about the whole "she still has my number if things don't work out" issue. I might be one of the few active users on this forum that has used/still uses OK Cupid and I've gotten my share of phone numbers over the months. Even though nothing has ever come of my texts with the people I texted with, nothing bad has ever happened :) As long as you're kind and never harass the other person why would they ever have reason to retaliate? I would be curious though to know why she would ask for your number first instead of giving out her own if she says she wants to text, to me that would be a red flag anyway.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
I don't know how much you know about this girl but if you haven't known her for very long and if she doesn't know very much about you I would be hesitant to give out the phone number to her, even more so if she lives in another city, country, or state. With that said let me try to put your mind at ease about the whole "she still has my number if things don't work out" issue. I might be one of the few active users on this forum that has used/still uses OK Cupid and I've gotten my share of phone numbers over the months. Even though nothing has ever come of my texts with the people I texted with, nothing bad has ever happened :) As long as you're kind and never harass the other person why would they ever have reason to retaliate? I would be curious though to know why she would ask for your number first instead of giving out her own if she says she wants to text, to me that would be a red flag anyway.

Well she already gave her phone number to me. How do you feel about me telling her about my dark secrets? Just interesting in knowing. I know but has anybody tried to impersonate you, make fake profiles of you, or worse steal information or anything like that? Ok cupid is free dating site right?
 
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Megaten

Well-known member
I agree with Tamale, unless she was a troll or something I dont see why you'd have to worry about that.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
I'm worried of revealing dark secrets and things I think people will judge me for.

I know what you mean. Im the kinda person that keeps his feelings and life pretty secret. Usually I dont start revealing my personal vices and embarrassments until trust has been established. Not sure if its the right thing to do but its how I usually am. I dont even let all my Facebook friends see everything I post. If I post something depressing or mopey I keep that hidden from my more judgmental "friends".
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
You don't have to reveal your entire life to her. Talk about trivial things at first, things you like to do, hobbies you have or would like to have, bands and movies you like, etc. Ask her about her life, and the things she likes to do. Find common grounds and talk about that. Eventually, if you feel she's also opening up a bit, you can talk to her about having social anxiety. Don't tell her with a tone of shame and embarassment, tell her in a way that implies "this is what I have, it is what it is and I'm trying to manage the best I can".

Don't talk to her about your 'dramas' by implying that you're some sort of lost cause.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
I know what you mean. Im the kinda person that keeps his feelings and life pretty secret. Usually I dont start revealing my personal vices and embarrassments until trust has been established. Not sure if its the right thing to do but its how I usually am. I dont even let all my Facebook friends see everything I post. If I post something depressing or mopey I keep that hidden from my more judgmental "friends".

I am the same way too but unfortunately I already started talking to her so I kind of have to "expose" myself because these things do affect me and I can't just lie. I mean I could but I would have to make up something. And do what you're comfortable doing.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
You don't have to reveal your entire life to her. Talk about trivial things at first, things you like to do, hobbies you have or would like to have, bands and movies you like, etc. Ask her about her life, and the things she likes to do. Find common grounds and talk about that. Eventually, if you feel she's also opening up a bit, you can talk to her about having social anxiety. Don't tell her with a tone of shame and embarassment, tell her in a way that implies "this is what I have, it is what it is and I'm trying to manage the best I can".

Don't talk to her about your 'dramas' by implying that you're some sort of lost cause.

Sorry I told her some of my dark secrets already because it kind of ties into my interests, hobbies, and daily events. But I read this post after texting her to be fair. However I will take your advice, thank you.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I started texting someone, she contacted me first. She observed that I looked happy within myself. I replied that I have had some challenges in my life. She asked what those challenges were. I warned her that it might be TMI, I said I had severe anxiety, and had overcome panic disorder, my mother died of breast cancer. She hasn't replied back to me.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
I am the same way too but unfortunately I already started talking to her so I kind of have to "expose" myself because these things do affect me and I can't just lie. I mean I could but I would have to make up something. And do what you're comfortable doing.

Well I mean that doesnt sound that bad from my perspective, but it depends on who youre talking to. I dont know this person, but if she was like someone from this forum, then its probably not a big deal. However Ive had people unfriend me from Facebook because my statuses were too depressing. If shes like that then yeah Id be concerned too.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
I started texting someone, she contacted me first. She observed that I looked happy within myself. I replied that I have had some challenges in my life. She asked what those challenges were. I warned her that it might be TMI, I said I had severe anxiety, and had overcome panic disorder, my mother died of breast cancer. She hasn't replied back to me.

What do you mean she contacted you first? And that sucks she didn't reply to you. Sorry your mother died as well.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Well I mean that doesnt sound that bad from my perspective, but it depends on who youre talking to. I dont know this person, but if she was like someone from this forum, then its probably not a big deal. However Ive had people unfriend me from Facebook because my statuses were too depressing. If shes like that then yeah Id be concerned too.

That sucks people unfriended you because of your depressing statuses. She is not from this forum but so far she hasn't been that judgmental except for giving me advice. But I don't know if that is judgmental or advice I can't do.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
What do you mean she contacted you first? And that sucks she didn't reply to you. Sorry your mother died as well.

I posted a message on facebook. And she sent me a text on messenger in response to it, which I responded to. She said she'd reply to my last text but hasn't. I'm not that concerned about it. Perhaps I was too honest.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
I posted a message on facebook. And she sent me a text on messenger in response to it, which I responded to. She said she'd reply to my last text but hasn't. I'm not that concerned about it. Perhaps I was too honest.

So she was your friend on fb before contacting you first? You were too honest about what?
 
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