Adults Only: Confessions of a Cyber-bully

I just read a confession by a woman who harassed victims on the Internet. She said: "My way of dealing with ... pain was to go online and take it out on nameless, faceless [other people on the Internet], and I posted things to people that would probably [have] resulted in me being beaten up [had I said the same thing to their faces]." Her weapons of choice were racial slurs and vulgar names. Later, the death of a close family member prompted her to reevaluate her life. She realized that her online persona was not a reflection of her true character, and she stopped.
I was also the victim of a cyber-bully. In my case, someone I didn't even know persistently bullied me online over a 3-year period, then stopped. Like other victims of online bullying, I experienced sleeplessness, stress, anxiety, and self-isolation. Other victims have become depressed, and have had thoughts/ acts of suicide. Now I'm a student studying Conflict Resolution and hoping to help others. Please help me answer two questions:
1. How can the Internet community induce bullies to find other means of expressing their frustrations, and stop their destructive activity?
2. More importantly, what can the Internet community do to create peace in the cyber domain?
(My name is Terri and I appreciate this site and community. Thank you!)

SouthernGirl said:

I just read a confession by a woman who harassed victims on the Internet. She said: "My way of dealing with ... pain was to go online and take it out on nameless, faceless [other people on the Internet], and I posted things to people that would probably [have] resulted in me being beaten up [had I said the same thing to their faces]." Her weapons of choice were racial slurs and vulgar names. Later, the death of a close family member prompted her to reevaluate her life. She realized that her online persona was not a reflection of her true character, and she stopped.

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I really can't agree with the last sentence there. People are their actions. To feel that deep inside, you're a good person is irrelevant. It's what you actually do that matters.

SouthernGirl said:

1. How can the Internet community induce bullies to find other means of expressing their frustrations, and stop their destructive activity?
2. More importantly, what can the Internet community do to create peace in the cyber domain?
(My name is Terri and I appreciate this site and community. Thank you!)

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I don't actually think anyone will be able to find a way to prevent bullying. It's instinctive. We're primates. We come from a long line of dominance being important for passing on your genes.

Combine that untempered instinct with lack of empathy, poor upbringing, and/or any number of other things you'll get bullying.

Look at the school systems. There's been a big fuss lately about cracking down on bullying. Has bullying gone away? The bullies always figure out a way to do it where the teachers and administrators don't see, even when those teachers and administrators have the best of intentions.

At least in individual online communities there's the possibility of moderation, reporting posts, screenshots--that sort of thing. If all the bullying passes through a computer system a record can be made. If the records are accessible to an authority figure, punishment is easier to enforce and bullying easier to control.

Unfortunately, bullying will never go away. It is part of being human. Only thing you really can do is be stronger and smarter about dealing with bullies. Either you stick up for yourself physically/verbally, or find ways to ignore it. Everyone has to make a choice about whether they want to be a victim or not.

Thank you for your insights! To NathanielWingatePeaslee, your comment that "People are their actions. To feel that deep inside, you're a good person is irrelevant. It's what you actually do that matters" made me think. I have to believe that sometimes profound experiences can induce adults to take stock of themselves, and to change what don't like. I agree wholeheartedly with your point that "crackdowns" are often espoused, but not acted upon. If they were, bullying might not be eliminated, but it could be reduced.

WalkAlone said:

Unfortunately, bullying will never go away. It is part of being human. Only thing you really can do is be stronger and smarter about dealing with bullies. Either you stick up for yourself physically/verbally, or find ways to ignore it. Everyone has to make a choice about whether they want to be a victim or not.

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I agree that victim strength can be a game-changer. Bullies perceive they are affecting the victim, which in some cases fuels their attack. Maybe the community can focus more on believing and bolstering the victim than expending time, energy, effort and resources on trying to stop the bully. Thanks for your insights!

cyber-bully= sticks and stones break my bones; everything on the internet is not acreddited by an public institution and is to be taken as false.


GO SPREAD THE WORD...................


Back then 1990's we would say "that is the six year old in the chatroom talking about this and that.

That is how you should feel about the internet and media from the net. It is NOT REAL AT ALL and SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN SERIOUS AT ALL.

Internet = yawn..........

Bullying is terrible. That feeling that there is no way out nothing you can do or say to stop the bullies.
In answer to your first question cyber bullying is what happens when people are given power. Normally to be a bully you had to be the biggest kid or do the "coolest" things, now sites such as Facebook and Twitter give you all the tools you need to bully. I do see cyber bullying getting better in time however it will always be there. The first step in cracking down on this problem is to offer more options than just to block a report system has to be put in place that is linked directly to the police. I can see a time where cyber bullying is as serious as other types of cyber crime.
Secondly we need people who stand up for others. I clearly haven't been on this forum for long but I haven't seen any bullying or anything like that people care here and that makes a large difference. How the internet becomes a more caring place I am not sure but that's what is needed care and consideration.

We do not need the police for the internet. Internet police is like an cry-baby police. Just remember things on the internet are fake. Go outside and talk to real people. Otherwise just IGNORE things and stop being an cry baby.

Otherwise ask what do you mean and get an logical responce. If people called me a piece of rubbish or my this looks like garbage who cares at all.

That feeling that there is no way out nothing you can do or say to stop the bullies.

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http://wronghands1.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/sticks-stones1.jpg

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HA hA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Now really.......

RegalSin said:

We do not need the police for the internet. Internet police is like an cry-baby police. Just remember things on the internet are fake. Go outside and talk to real people. Otherwise just IGNORE things and stop being an cry baby.

Otherwise ask what do you mean and get an logical responce. If people called me a piece of rubbish or my this looks like garbage who cares at all.



http://wronghands1.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/sticks-stones1.jpg



HA hA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! Now really.......

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You are entitled to your own views just as I am. But I must say that you are being rather insensitive about bullying.

I agree with Regalsin.

A lot of people bully other people online because they react. Any reaction at all shows you care, even if it's something like "hahaha nice insult. Doesnt bother me at all". It wont fool anyone. Just don't reply.
DISCLAIMER: This is just online bullying. It wont work on bullies in real life.