Accounting for a lack of intuition

Vincent

Banned
Some are born with SA,

I would number myself there. From the outset, social contact of any form has been avoided. My understanding is that social skills are learned like anything else. Obviously more complex, there is more trial and error and more to learn. Social learning continues over one's lifetime. Social maturity is probably the best gauge of overall maturity. Being anxious of socialising and avoiding it or not learning from it results in a social maturity far below that of calander age.

Is it just me, or is this a major barrier to getting into it. Isn't this something that needs to be factored into desensitisation or behavioural therapy. Even with the help of books on body language and so forth, will we never be on par with those that weren't held back? I speculate that the majority of unknown social skills can be gleaned more rapidly than the much more refined or advanced techniques.

But, this needs to be factored into efforts to re insert into normal social functioning. Somewhere in cognitive functions, or whatever, acknowledgment should be given to making a lot more social blunders, being laughed at, or disliked than others, because, aside from other handicaps, there aren't the social skills.

Who else gets ideas from TV, movies and suchlike? Characters that glide through social situations, at a level that most people couldn't attain let alone SA. Yet, are these our expectations? How are we susposed to know about social mannerisms and suchlike when alot of this comes from observation (as well as trial and error). What opportunity is there to observe? None, except movies and soap operas, which arent real. They are scripts written by one or more writers, that deliberate over the words for a longer period of time than the time most people have to formulate those words in their head before they have to deliever them. What's more, script writers are more articulate and socially intelligent than the average person, hell, thats a prerequisite of the job.

V
 

outside_looking_in

Well-known member
I think two factors are confidence and perfectionism ... there are lots of cheerful blundering socially inept people out there who say horrendously tactless or inappropriate things and don't notice and don't care, but who get on in life anyway because they know what they want and don't worry about trampling through the flowers to get to it. (I'm thinking of an elderly lady I once worked in a charity shop with, she came out with some jaw-droppers but you couldn't help liking her, sort of!) And when people are confident they tend to be accepted, by some people at least ...

And on the perfectionism ... in verbal conversations I find it's impossible to assess all the possible replies in time and so pick the right one, I think that's sometimes a cause of my mind going blank rather than having nothing to say (though that happens too) and invariably put comes the daftest possible answer, or a jumble. (And I've spent 15 mins re-editing this worrying what you'll all think of my outrageous opinions!)

:oops:
 

racheH

Well-known member
we are sensitive. we see things they dont see. its not a handicap its a gift. dont try to be like them. youre beautiful as you are. its a gift.
To use what's fast becoming my trademark example,:wink: people with button phobia also 'see' what others don't. It doesn't mean that what they see is real. The feeling is real, yes, but the danger perceived subconsciously is not.
 

black_mamba

Well-known member
How about reality tv for alternative real-life style social gatherings?

There is currently a wonderfully socially inept geek on the UK big brother series at the moment. He doesn't seem to have social phobia, but instead is unaware of people around him switching off when he doesn't stop taking. :lol:

You're spot on about the scripted conversations in soap operas. I wondered for years how I could possibly emulate that, finally I saw how far from reality it all was. What a relief. Maybe if we all had portable autocues linked to our brains...

*runs to the patent office*

:D
 

racheH

Well-known member
Lol, I think I know who you mean, black_mamba! The one who's a radio presenter? Just goes to show, you don't have to be able to keep everyone always captivated to be a success, even in the entertainment industry :lol:
 
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