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Old 07-18-2005
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Hi all. I am a 29 year old guy from New Zealand. Only found this site today so joined up straight away. I am really wanting to find friendships on here. I have realised over the past few months how much my decisions about the future are based on what I think I can "cope" with. in terms of jobs, relationships, friends, everything. Not doing anything about my social phobia is really not working for me anymore. I am trying to get in touch with organisations here that might be able to offer some kind of therapy or whatever to help me.
I am almost 30 and haven't worked for a number of years, I have very few friends as I don't like using the phone, and am not very good at conversations with people. I forget to ask people about how they are and stuff, and just mumble til they're finished hoping the interaction will end soon and I can be on my own again before something bad happens.
I am very frustrated that all my goals are based on what I can do, not on what I want to do. I only have this life and am sick of wasting it at home hiding from the world. But I really can't see that I will ever be different than who I am now. As much as I want to get out there and do it, I can't see I will be able to. I am so trapped by my fear.
Well that'll do I guess.
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Old 07-20-2005
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I'm a 35 year old bloke, I've just found this place now after feeling rather desperate. Unbelievabely, I still live at home with my parents, as sad as that is, I have had anxiety spoiling everything for me since I was a kid, I can see that now with the benefit of hindsight.

I don't really have a life, just an empty shell of a life in which nothing ever changes, and I never accomplish anything worthwhile.

I am single and always have been, this depresses me a hell of a lot but what can I do about it? On the odd occasion (every few years) somebody may show some interest in me but I just panic on the inside, while trying to remain calm on the outside by making it look like I'm really not interested (even though I am) because I'm just too terrified of looking awkward amongst other things.

Life is just passing me by now and I'm convinced that this is going to be the way it always will be for me, a thought which terrifies the hell out of me, especially when I'm in bed at night.

Nobody wants to be alone, I'm the only person that I know who is now.

I have just realised that this is the most morbid of introductions, for which I apologise. I really can be quite funny (well, I like to think so), I will try to be in future posts (honest).

Chris
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Old 07-20-2005
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Hey Chris the Chevy Chase avatar is too funny. Your introduction , you have no need to apologize. You are not alone . Hey you are here and you will find others with similar issues. You DO have a quirky funny sense of humor.
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Old 07-27-2005
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Helloo, everybody. I'm new to the site. I just discovered it last night. I've been SP ever since I can remember. I don't even know how it started. I know I adopted some of it from my mother, but she wasn't the lone factor and she did try to help.
It was a number of factors that made me the adorable nuerotic I am today. Every school I attended was a hostile one. Most of the time I spent there I was afraid of looking at someone the wrong way and getting pummeled on.
It also didn't help that I'm a bit eccentric. I have a very vivid imagination. I'm a writer. I constantly have characters in my head. It keeps me from getting lonely, but it also makes me seem a little strange to other people. (I talk to myself alot!)
I don't want to get into the whole story of my issues right here. It's a rather long and complicated one, so here's a breif bio: I'm 33. I'm married. I have one really good friend in the world and really special sister. I have known that I've had a SP, since I was 17. (The big clue was when a had a panic attack at a very small social gathering.)
I've been fighting it ever since. I try to do things that make me uncomfortable. I run book fairs for corporations, so I meet a lot of strangers each day. (Well, I do when I'm working.)
I've gotten to the point that I no longer have as much anxiety as I used to in public. In fact, sometimes it doesn't feel like it's there at all. (Although, I know I swallow a lot of it.) I have never been on medication.
The thing I'm dealing with now, is that I still have problems but, because they are not nearly as strong as they were, I try to pretend they are not there. Then, something happens that reminds me that it's not as finished as I like to pretend it is. (I had another panic attack after a fender-bender just a year or so ago.)
I've come here looking for comraderie. I think it will help and I hope my stories can help someone else. --Just please forgive me if I'm a little long-winded. It's an occupational hazard.
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Old 07-28-2005
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Hello everybody here,
I am 32 yo and I write from Italy.

I am suffering extreme shyness in many situations of life.
I had 2 girlfriends in my life and both last only 3 month.

My life is a pity and now I have almost no friends.
At least I have a job and I live with my mother so I am not really alone at home, althought I and my mom we almost never talk.

I am feeling bad at this time, and right now.
Nevertheless, I wish you all a good day.
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Old 07-30-2005
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My name is Tirta, from Indonesia. I know i am shy when i was little but don't know it could turn out this bad. I cry a lot, like to sleep in bed or day dreaming, thinking it would be nice if i just vanish from this world, hard to make friendship to people.
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Old 08-03-2005
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Hi,
It's nice to have this site. I found it today! I'm 37 and was diagnosed with SP about 2 years ago after having a few panic attacks at a store.
Maybe I have a "mild" case of SP, but each day for me is different... Through out the school years I was very shy, everybody remembers me as a quiet mouse, but at the same time I liked to participate in different activities like school plays, concerts etc. But giving speeches or speaking in front of the class was a torture... I blushed, was very nervous and felt like fainting. Now, I mostly experience blushing, sweating and extreme nervousness if I have to talk to somebody... it also worries me and I wonder if the blushing will ever stop? Or, will I be 50 and still blush when somebody starts a conversation with me? 8O Most of the time I like to be home, I shop on the internet, and I jump at every door bell ring... and I know it's just a mail man bringing packages, but still I hate to face him/her. I really hate being this way...
Some days I'm okay, most people don't not even noticed anything (I am just wondering what ARE they thinking when I blush)... :oops:
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Old 08-04-2005
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Hello everybody, I'm new. My name is Veronica and I'm 17. I discovered today that this website is also in english, I actually visit the spanish onem but these days people are not in a mood.
I think I have social phobia since I was 12, and it's been like hell. I find it hard to make friends and be myself, most of the times I feel without energies. The thing is I'm scared cuz I don't want to see myself years later all grown up but all alone
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Old 08-06-2005
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Hi all, I'm new to this site. I found it a few days ago and figured I'd give it a try. I'm a 31 year old male. I've suffered from social phobia and shyness for most of my life. I think when I was younger I was more outgoing. Then I had a difficult time in my teens. I moved around a lot and never fit in anywhere. Because of my SP I'd usually become the target of jokes and more. I never really fit in anywhere and always felt like an outcast, like I didn't belong. Even as an adult now, I feel invisible sometimes and often feel like I don't belong anywhere. I've always had problems making friends. I don't think I have any social or relationship skills on an interpersonal level. I can do alright workwise in a structured enviornment, where it's only superficial relationships. I just can't seem to make any new friends on my own or break past the superficial layers to form lasting friendships or relationships. I get so nervous and often blush when put on the spot. Part of me wants to find a nice area in the mountains, run away from the world and live in solitude. Yet I mostly just wish that I had real friendships and an actual relationship in my life.
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Old 08-06-2005
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Hi everyone

I am new to this site

I really have to echo what everyone has said here, i have suffered with SP
as far as i can remember, i am coming up to 39 now and my life is going nowhere, i really don't know how i have survived all these years, i live in so much pain inside of me i can't ever see a way out.

I have never had any relationships, people say i am a good looking guy, but deep down i am so lonely, and i crave for someone to like me let alone fancy me.

Getting thru the day or any simple task is a nightmare for me, i have been in my job for 20yrs now, yet i feel like i am going to a job interview everyday, people see me as a nice guy, maybe a little shy, but don't have any idea how it is eating away at me inside.

I avoid any situation that i know will make me feel SP, i even have to arrive way before friends in any pub etc so i can have a few drinks beforehand so i can relax.

I am hoping to make one big step and make an appointment with my GP next week ( even that is an ordeal ) and see what they come up with, as i just can't go on anymore, i am so depressed and need help of some sort, deep down i just think i will always live this lonly existence.

Thanks for listening guys :(
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Old 08-07-2005
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so glad i found this site.

im 17 and have had sp since i was a child.

it has started to subside the past few months but its still there

its summer time and i spend most of my time inside. i just got back from the book store, some girl my age was standing next to me trying to start a conversation. my legs started trembling and i felt a bit sick. i went home right away.
i dont like people seeing me when i go outside to take out my garbage or whatever
i have no friends.
i think my problems come from both genetics(one of my parents has schizophrenia and a long family history of mental disorders) and i have been through some very extreme living conditions do to the parents illness
people say im good looking but that doesnt seem to help my sp much.

i hope i can overcome this
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Old 08-07-2005
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Hi everyone, This was a great idea to have people introduce themselves.

I just figured out that I've had SP for over ten years. I never knew what was wrong with me. When I was finally able to put a name to what I was feeling it was a load of my back. I picked up a great book and have finally started to take the steps to get back in the game.

At least we can all see that we are not alone in this.
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Old 08-07-2005
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hello, i'm 18 and SP has bugged me since middle school. I was always really quiet. i try to ignore it as best as i can, but am constantly reminded of it when people talk to me. I work at a job where you have to talk to people and i thought it would help my SP but i don't think it's made a difference, but i am proud of myself for having the job. i've never told anyone about it because i think it's ridiculous. i just think it's not worth it, i don't want people looking at me any differently, so right now they don't need to know, i just wish they understood and stopped asking me why i'm so quiet!! :x anyways, that's all i have to say, and i wish the best of luck to all you SP people out there, even the ones who are to afraid to post anything. I am one of those!! bye
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Old 08-07-2005
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Well it's my turn I guess. Obviously, I am new. I have had SP since I was 14. I started skipping school and eventually got into major trouble with the courts. They had me going to the mental ward part time, I would go in the morning for individual therapy, group therapy, and some schooling. Then I would get released every afternoon to go home. When I turned 16, they left me alone. I have spent the past 6 years since then...doing nothing. Literally. I stay in the house because I panick at the THOUGHT of going out..even to check the mail. I usually do that about 4am. I have never had a romantic relationship (except those silly 10 year old ones), my best friends have long since gotten on with their lives (now my best friend is the internet kind...she lives in Penn..I live in Neb..), and have never had a job. After so many years of this, I feel like I would like to get out there, and rebuild my life, but am finding it not so easy. Not many (or any!) jobs that a social phobic, high school drop out, with no work experience, can get. Anyway, i'm done rambling.
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Old 08-08-2005
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Hi. my name is Susan and I'm new to the board.
I have suffered from social phobia since i was about 10. :(
I am now 36 and it still affects me badly.
I would like to get over it but i know it will take a long time.
I am getting help for it, and i go to a group call the "condition mangement
programme" which is a goverment progamme here in england.

sometimes my phobia drives me mad :x


bye susan
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Old 08-08-2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tomboysue

Hi. my name is Susan and I'm new to the board.
I have suffered from social phobia since i was about 10. :(
I am now 36 and it still affects me badly.
I would like to get over it but i know it will take a long time.
I am getting help for it, and i go to a group call the "condition mangement
programme" which is a goverment progamme here in england.

sometimes my phobia drives me mad :x


bye susan
It drives us all mad Susan, but please feel the comfort of knowing you are not alone. x
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Old 08-09-2005
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I haven't been diagnosed, I haven't even seen a therapist about it because I made a scene each time my parents tried to force me. It's just something I recently looked into.

I'm sick because I'm always embarrassed and I'm embarrassed of being sick.
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Old 08-09-2005
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dont know if anyone is going to read this, well i will tell about myself anyway

My name is Jamie, Im 20 year old male....im a strong believer in God, i was a confident person at age 16, then slowly i sunk into a pit of fear, shame, sadness, depression, hopelessness, suicide attempts, and wrist slitting for pain, alchohol and drug used to hide from the torchure i felt, when i was 16 friends of mind thought my house was haunted, well eventually when i was 18 and suffering the torchure of my everyday social phobic(couldnt even talk to my own fam members without shaking)....life, i seeked everything in psychology, to meditation, to yoga, to everything to escape from the torchure, but when i was 18, i started really noticing the weird occurances in my house more, i went on ghost sites trying to figure out if i had a ghost or something, and they told me from what i told them that i did, and i looked at ghost pictures on the net which had me resulting to my own pictures, and i found a couple pictures with unexplainable things in them, that were convicting to me of the spiritual world, after that the demons presence got way worse, it was tapping on walls, *****les on my neck, knocking on my windows, banging on my house and showing itself to me in different forms (yellow ball of light, bat, and red light)....i was social phobic so this stuff was soooo scary to me, if anyone wants to hear the whole story PM me...but anyway, Jesus Put the holy spirit in me and now i have the strength to overcome the social phobia, by his word have i learned how, i exalt people above me instead of myself above them, and i love people instead of assume things of them

i couldnt do this until the holy spirit was inside me, i didnt have the ability to do it......Jesus said "those who believe in me, streams of life will flow from within them"....that life is what gives me strength to love people instead of fear them,

PRAISE JESUS

well im just here to let people know that Jesus loves you,

im not here to force anyone to Jesus, please dont get me wrong, im not going to push him on you, i just want you to know hes there and he cares

AMEN

HUG HUG HUG

LOVE Y'ALL
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Old 08-10-2005
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Hi everyone.

I am new here. I am 22 years old female, soon to be 23 next month. I live in San Antonio, Texas with my boyfriend and my son. Ive lived here for nearly 5 years now. I have just one friend here, and im not too fond of her. She's over confident, and it makes me sick, im sure you all know what I mean by that. If I mention to her that I dont want to do something, she'll force it on me by saying something like "oh, you'll live" or "it'll just be real quick anyway". ugh.

Anyway, my son is 3, he'll be 4 next month. His birthday is the day before mine. My boyfriend is 40, I know, big difference. We dont always get along, and sometimes I wish I were with someone more caring, but that's easier said than done with a 3 year old and my only income coming from him.

I have 2 sister's and 1 brother who live in San Antonio also. My brother is Bipolar/Schitzophrenic/Manic Depressive/Social Phobic, etc etc...as is my sister. My 2nd oldest sister shows no signs of any illness. I also have 1 brother and 2 other sister's who live in Louisiana, all but 1 appear to have the same illnesses, just not as severe as my 2 siblings living here. I myself...I just consider myself Social Phobic. I do get depressed from time to time, but it doesnt seem to be uncontrollable. Atleast not yet. I have not been diagnosed, but with a family history as I have, I dont need diagnosis. Ill get help eventually, once I get some insurance.

Anyway, enough blabbing. I hope to make some great friends here, and if anyone ever wants to talk, please send me a message.

~Crystal
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Old 08-13-2005
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Hi,
I'm 21 and I've been shy for as long as I can remember. I don't know whether I have social phobia or not, but I recognised myself in stories I read on this site. I'm glad I found this place.
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