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Old 08-31-2006
LA323's Avatar
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here is 1 one simple question 4 those who r single...........how many of u here thing that you are never gonna get married, have a partner for the rest of ur life, to go through life 2gether, have kids and all that nice stuff, cuz i dont know what the future will hold 4 me, but im almost 100% sure that this wont come 2 me, i believe that im no good to a woman, and even worse for a child, with my condition, how can they depend on social phobic man like me, who lives his life scared and isolated from the world, who cant even stand 5 minutes in a store line to pay an item, go to the theatre, the barber shop, be around a group of people, and soo many other things. Women need a real man to make them feel secure, and guided in rough times, but i cant be that, who can relate?????
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Old 08-31-2006
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If you truly believe you will never find anyone..YOU PROBABLY NEVER WILL...thats the trick of life! And I say PROBABLY b'cos sometimes you get s'thing you're not looking for.

You are most likely a wonderful and sensitive person...most people with SA are sensitive. There are people out there looking for s'one like YOU. The trick is in finding them. The more you tell your self/mind that you will find someone...the more your mind works in such a way as to put you in the right place at the right time (don't ask me how..it has been proven)...or make you appear more approachable to others looking for s'one like you.

Whereas if you keep believing that you wont you might unknowingly be giving a negative vibe that would make others avoid you. Trust me...I know...I've been there
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Old 08-31-2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LA323
here is 1 one simple question 4 those who r single...........how many of u here thing that you are never gonna get married, have a partner for the rest of ur life, to go through life 2gether, have kids and all that nice stuff, cuz i dont know what the future will hold 4 me, but im almost 100% sure that this wont come 2 me, i believe that im no good to a woman, and even worse for a child, with my condition, how can they depend on social phobic man like me, who lives his life scared and isolated from the world, who cant even stand 5 minutes in a store line to pay an item, go to the theatre, the barber shop, be around a group of people, and soo many other things. Women need a real man to make them feel secure, and guided in rough times, but i cant be that, who can relate?????
i feel exactly the same way. im not being pesimistic its just how it is. i was born with this curse and althought have made some progress i have a feeling ill always be this way.
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Old 08-31-2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LA323
here is 1 one simple question 4 those who r single...........how many of u here thing that you are never gonna get married, have a partner for the rest of ur life, to go through life 2gether, have kids and all that nice stuff, cuz i dont know what the future will hold 4 me, but im almost 100% sure that this wont come 2 me, i believe that im no good to a woman, and even worse for a child, with my condition, how can they depend on social phobic man like me, who lives his life scared and isolated from the world, who cant even stand 5 minutes in a store line to pay an item, go to the theatre, the barber shop, be around a group of people, and soo many other things. Women need a real man to make them feel secure, and guided in rough times, but i cant be that, who can relate?????
we should probably get married! jus kidding. seriously speaking though, i too find it hard, to think of a male equivalent who will accept me for who i am especially when girls nowadays are usually quite bold and confident, and that's what males usually look for nowadays (at least where I live).

but i have learnt over time to not let it bother me... still learning.. it's tough sometimes..but when u don't give it that much importance.. it will happen to you. i am sure, like someone said above, that you are a sensitive person deep inside and trust me, that's a quality women do want and appreciate in their men.

and even if it doesnt, well.. "for things to change, i must change first"... it depends on how you view yourself. believe that you can change what you want to change.. i dont mean to be preachy but, don't worry, and take things one step at a time and i am sure, things will become better for you!
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Old 08-31-2006
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Hi guys,
THERE IS HOPE
I had given up on finding love. I thought it was a lost cause as i too didnt have any confidence to do anything, let alone go on a DATE!
Then my life changed - I got help! I had cognitive behavioural therapy sessions (no medication) and i started to test myself slowly and try new things. I had setbacks, some bad, some aweful, but i progressed.
I moved into a 'house share' and one of my flatmates was a wonderful, sociable, good looking guy. He was dating another girl at the time. Then they broke up and we got closer, just hanging out, me always keeping my distance. The key was that he took it slow too and he eventually asked me out for dinner. I was petrified, but told myself, that if i dont do this now, i never will, and the positives far outweigh the negatives. I was very guarded and (lucky for me) he is very talkative and that helped. I was able to open up and share some of my life with him. That was 4 years ago and we are now married. I had MAJOR anxiety about the wedding, almost calling it off and almost eloping to an island (just the 2 of us) but again, the positives outweighed the negatives and i decided to have a normal ceremonly in front of 80 guests! Another proud moment. I still have problems (obviously), but with the CBT techniques it gets easier to cope over time.
Good luck to you, you can do it, i never thought there was hope for me. I was 94kgs when i met my husband (im 5foot 9) so wasnt very attractive being overweight, but went down to 70kgs when we started dating (out of happiness)
I take omega 3 fish oils (good quality ones) and i go to the gym 3 times per week to keep me positive.
Sarah xx
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