A new intrusive thought

A little about myself...I'm an 18 y/o male with a 19 y/o gf. We're sexually active and have been dating for a little over a year now. All throughout my life, I've had intrusive thoughts, but they've been slowly getting worse and worse as time has gone by. Now I have a new one.

The other day I was at a family bbq. The day went fine at first, hanging out with my younger cousins etc. until my 12 y/o cousin and her family showed up. Now, I rather dislike this cousin, but I immediately noticed that she was looking pretty that day. I don't mean I was looking at her chest and butt, but I did notice that her face and her hair were done up rather nicely, and did find myself at least somewhat attracted to her. I wasn't watching her and thinking about her sexually or anything, just thinking to myself that she was quite pretty.

So the next day I was hanging out and I thought back to the previous day and the fact that I felt she was attractive. So then I began to wonder if it was weird, and soon I convinced myself I was a pedophile. So now for the past three days, I've been worrying constantly about whether or not I'm a pedophile, if I'm sexually attracted to my cousin, if I'm going to jail etc. I've been running constant scenarios involving her through my head to determine if I'm actually attracted to her and if they turn me on etc. and the more times I run them through my head, the more the feelings of arousal return and the more afraid I get.

I mean, I don't think I'm a pedophile or anything. I've never been turned on by anyone young until this past weekend, and I'm still not attracted to any little kids or anything. I mean, I'm sexually attracted to normal 18 year old girls in school and such, and I'm very sexually attracted to my girlfriend. It's just my cousin who's brought about these feelings of arousal and gotten me afraid to the point at which I no longer want to be around kids for the fear that I'll experience the same feelings.

So if anyone has any advice, it would be very appreciated

doesnt sound bad, dude. its normal to see beauty. but when ur mind is defensive like that, it loves to start with all the crazy thoughts.
atleast she was 12 and basing from wat u said, was probably made up to look like she was older.. and you're 18, you're not that far away from being 12 either! that was only 6 years ago.

Paranoia can really spiral you in.. get rid of the paranoia, dont worry about it!

If you wanna get rid of the attraction, when i dont want to be attracted to someone, i try to find an imperfection in them, either physically or personality-wise coz the attraction is just an infatuation, shallow and physical. so you can bring in other shallow thoughts to convince your mind to snap out of it or "turn you off".

I know I know, but this has really got me upset
All I can think of is that I must be a pedophile. I'm scared to even look at a small child now for fear that thoughts like I had for my cousin will pop into my head.

i think it does that when ur stuck in taht paranoia-mode..

once u move on, or try to give it a rest for a while, u will eventually return to normal-mode..

just distract urself and stuff.. eventually the thoughts will get less and less..

well, i guess thats all i can advice, slowly but surely.. just pointing out that what u got now is a 'paranoid-mode' of thinking, it will pass..

I know, I'm trying so hard to ignore it. But like, an hour ago I went outside and walked through the park. I saw some little girls swinging. Immediately my mind went to, "Ok, let's test if we're a pedophile." and my head was filled with images of these kids for me to scrutinize and see if they arouse me. And if I feel even the slightest twinge, I immediately go, "Oh my god, I'm a pedophile."

Which only serves to beget MORE images in my head, which makes me think that with all these images and any feelings of arousal that I must be some sort of pedophile.

Perhaps it's the fear and anxiety of the fear or liking her sexually that has you so scared to GET arroused.. that you DO in fact, get arroused.
Think about it.. you'de never touch her.. you probably dont WANT to think about it.. but it won't go away.. right? Pray about it

A lot of 12 year old girls actually look closer to 16 or 17 if they're dressed up and have their hair fixed. I've known some who look over 20 with the right clothes and makeup.

Also, it's not uncommon for cousins to find one another attractive, it's just not talked about much.

Lastly, a true pedophile doesn't feel guilty and obsess about whether or not they are aroused by children. They simply don't care. They enjoy preying on innocent children and also enjoy the game of trying not to get caught. You clearly don't feel this way.

From what you described, your cousin has begun developing her womanly shape and there's nothing unnatural about you being attracted to that shape. Your conscience keeps you well aware of the fact that she's only 12, so you would never act on it.

Hope that helps

Hey, I don't think you're a pedophile. You're a pedophile if you actually do it in reality. But then again, here is a controversial thought. If the 12 year old is Fully physically grown and you want to have sex wit her...is it really a pedophile thing? I mean to me pedophilia is like when you want to have sex with 7 year old phsycailly underdeveloped girls. Having sex with fully grown 12 13 or 14year old is breaking the law, not necessarily a pedophilia (I am not saying it's the right thing to do).
Anyway, You're not. It's more to do with axiety.

It's quite normal to have these thoughts. There is a big difference in finding someone attractive to being a pedophile. Pedophiles gets turned on by children and often they can't get sexually aroused otherwise. Studies has shown that most teenagers have sexual fantasies about family members. I know it sounds sick, but it is actually quite common. As long as they remain fantasies you should be Ok.

Inferiorpotter said:

Having sex with fully grown 12 13 or 14year old is breaking the law, not necessarily a pedophilia (I am not saying it's the right thing to do).

Click to expand...

The law says it is and I agree with the law