A Man With No Confidence

Jannah

Banned
I have the lowest self-esteem imaginable. I don’t think I met a single guy ever who has a lower self-esteem than I do. It really affects everything in my life. At work, at school, I am extremely quiet, because of my social anxiety I am afraid to initiate conversations. I am very insecure with myself, my looks, my intelligence, everything. I constantly doubt myself. I am extremely jealous of other people, especially men I see that can get women. I feel like an inadequate man. I feel most insecure around women I find attractive. I don’t have any friends. I feel insecure around just about every guy that I come across, I always find something to make me feel I am not good enough. I question whether I am smart enough for college, I question whether I am a likeable person that people would want to be friends with, I am bitter but also scared of women because 99.9% have rejected me in my life. My self-esteem is so low that I’d rather stay in my room everyday than venture out into the world; I just don’t want people to see me.

When my ex broke up with me she told me I had very low self-esteem and that I am full of self-hatred and it was a huge turn off. After that she said no women would want to be with me being the way I am, she then told me never to talk to her again. After that experience I knew I was lower than scum. She was the one and only girl who I always knew to be accepting and understanding yet she was so cruel to me in the end. She always told me how she hated cocky guys but then she’d tell me how she could never understand how people can hate themselves, I think a cocky guy would be best for her since she is so insensitive to people with low self-esteem. I know women are more known than men to suffer with low-self-esteem and poor image of themselves but I constantly see women in that predicament with friends and bf’s. However I don’t ever see guys with low self –esteem and no confidence be that lucky, hell I don’t even really see guys that have lower self-esteem period. I feel as if I am in a minority-being a guy with low self-esteem.

Do any of you guys on here suffer from low self-esteem?

Maybe what I’m really trying to ask is, Do any of you guys on here hate yourselves as much as I do, and think everyone is better than you like I do?

Do any other guys on here have no confidence like I do?
 

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
I am not a guy, but I see myself as without gender or gender neutral, just a person and will always be just a person. But to answer you question yes yes and yes. Except I am physically not a guy so this post is probably pretty useless.
 

Giggity

Member
You sound just like me. It's as if I wrote your post. You're not alone. I think 99.9% of the world is better than me.
 
I'm sure you have your own unique skills and abilities and way of viewing things that no one else in the world has. If you find yourself thinking... wow.. that person has ... such and such... ask yourself if there's REALLY any barriers for you in achieving those things. Occasionally, there may be genuine reasons, but I think usually, you can do have just about anything that other people have with sufficient effort. I do agree though, that it's VERY hard being a guy with low self-confidence.... Hope it gets better for you.
 

Ignace

Well-known member
Wanna bet ? A race for the lowest self esteem. Signing in is possible till next week. Wake me up when we're ready. ;)
 

Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
Yes I have low self-esteem, but I can't say that I hate myself.

Regarding what you mentioned about your ex. Most people sub-conciously pick up on energy from others. So when you talk negatively, even if it isn't about the other person, then they can still be affected by it. I feel that she probably just couldn't be around you as she didn't have the strength to be around you while you are talking badly about yourself.
 

Kinetik

Well-known member
Well, you have to realize though that the vast majority of relationships are destined for failure and that they will nearly always get nasty at the end. The break-up rarely has any bearing on reality since it is usually fueled by anger and resentment. It's engineered that way to make the pushing away easier. I've been in many relationships, and I would say 80% of them ended with the girl thinking I'm an a$$hole (and telling me so). If I took what all of those girls said to me to heart, I'd have jumped off a bridge long ago.

I think the best way for you to build some self-esteem is to keep practising out in society. Stay involved in the real world, surround yourself with people and activities, and try to make new friends, even if it feels unnatural and difficult. That will lend itself to meeting new women, and after a few more dealings with them, you'll realize that what I said in the first paragraph is true. It's just that it takes a certain amount of experience + healthy jadedness to see it. Recognize also that most people will reject you but that some won't, and that that's how life is structured - we wade through all the crap to get to that little slice of happiness that has our name on it.

Ultimately it's important that you don't measure your self-worth by what others think, even though it's difficult not to at times. Instead, try to develop an ongoing sense of "I'm okay the way I am" and know that we have to fail most of the time in order to appreciate the good things that happen to us. If you truly accept this, life becomes easier and you won't take rejection as personally. In any case, I hope you bounce back soon, so good luck with that.
 

Snowdrop

Well-known member
Yes, I'm a girl too and I think I could totally beat you when it comes to low self esteem. I'm as low self esteem as it gets :p :D
 
You guys are better than alot of people. Better than murderers and rapists, better than bums on the corner that no one gives a **** about. Better than people in 3rd world countries that work their ass off for food and are illiterate. The list goes on.


If you go to college you are better than alot of people as well. Alot don't have that privilege or opportunity. Or are not in the health to even go through with it. Take your focus of sex/relationships. Your own mentality is what makes life difficult for you. And I bet if you quit comparing yourselves with others life would be easier for you too.
 
Last edited:

Snowdrop

Well-known member
Yeah, but I'm still worse in everything than many people around me::(:

I'll second that :/ You make a very valid point punkrotten but I feel like it's not simply how well off we are in terms of housing, shelter and the fact we aren't criminals...for me, it's also my personality, we have an inability to go out in the world and talk normally, or stop having negative thoughts. Because I doubt even criminals would have so many negative thoughts everyday... Even though I know we ARE much luckier than so many people in the world, those that are poor and unsheltered, they are still full of spirit and courage and that is something I sadly lack, which is why I also often feel guilty for being so sad when I have no right to.
 

Jannah

Banned
I would say 80% of them ended with the girl thinking I'm an a$$hole (and telling me so). If I took what all of those girls said to me to heart, I'd have jumped off a bridge long ago.

I should jump off a bridge, I don't really know what the hell I am waiting for...for things to get even worse perhaps. I can't help but to take it personal when I am rejected, after all I am the one being rejected... specifically me. Maybe if I weren't so sensitive I could shake it off, but no.

Today I was shunned yet again, but it really took a toll on me, so much that I could die. I am tired of no one liking me and wanting nothing to do with me, I want out.
 

Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
I should jump off a bridge, I don't really know what the hell I am waiting for...for things to get even worse perhaps. I can't help but to take it personal when I am rejected, after all I am the one being rejected... specifically me. Maybe if I weren't so sensitive I could shake it off, but no.

Today I was shunned yet again, but it really took a toll on me, so much that I could die. I am tired of no one liking me and wanting nothing to do with me, I want out.

Never get the idea that you are being rejected. People reject things you might say, or do, but not you as a person. You are never your thoughts or actions, they make up part of you, but thoughts and actions can be changed. It may take a little while to improve your thoughts in the direction that you would like, but once you start changing your future thoughts for the better, then people will want to be around you. Everyone can change their thoughts, it is not a hopeless quest.
 

quinc

Member
been there done that. and the minority thing i KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT, i use to feel the same way. when your depressed you dont feel like doing much but i just eventually stop caring and i started talking to whoever and i eventually made more friends just be as nice as you can be. focus more on the beautiful things in life stop focusing on the negative. as for your ex lol if she told all that stuff to me i would have just said sorry im not as perfect as you, and she is incensetive instead of here telling you how off she should have been there for you and to support you...it was meant to happen because if she couldnt be there for you then she wouldnt be there for you in the future.
 
Top