........

lithium

lithium

Well-known member
This is is hard. Tears rolling down my cheeks. I just feel horrible, I want to feel numb right now. I ruin everything. I'm nothing. Worthless. Why do I do this?? I can never learn from my damn mistakes. I always do this. And now I know why she couldn't put up with me anymore. Why she can't put up with me. My chest feels like it's going to explode. I need something, to cope. I don't know. I have to get this out. This is the worst I have felt in a very long time. I can't explain it. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. There's no point. My life lost it's meaning a long time ago. I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind......
 
S

Silvox Black

Well-known member
lithium said:
This is is hard. Tears rolling down my cheeks. I just feel horrible, I want to feel numb right now. I ruin everything. I'm nothing. Worthless. Why do I do this?? I can never learn from my damn mistakes. I always do this. And now I know why she couldn't put up with me anymore. Why she can't put up with me. My chest feels like it's going to explode. I need something, to cope. I don't know. I have to get this out. This is the worst I have felt in a very long time. I can't explain it. I don't want to wake up tomorrow. There's no point. My life lost it's meaning a long time ago. I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind......
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You say you cannot learn from your mistakes, may I ask precisely what sort of mistake you made? I empathize with your agony my friend, I've felt such things before. I understand why one such as yourself would feel empty and hopeless, but I ask of you to at least speak to us of what happened. Are you willing to do such a thing?
 
lithium

lithium

Well-known member
Well, my ex-girlfriend and friend came over to my house. Prior to them coming over I was sort of moody/depressed. So I still have feelings for her. Well, keep in mind I was already in a bad state of mind. We were just watching t.v and she kept kind of cuddling with me, but then her and my friend just started talking and I just got stuck in my head, and then she started playing around with him, and I just felt bad because of the lack of attention. It just sort of built up inside of me, and then I just told them that I felt like crap and wanted them to leave. I really didn't want them to leave and I didn't want to let them know how I felt. But I did, and then I ended up ruining the night and they left, and I just made it really awkward. I just feel really bad now, thinking about the past and how it used to be. She was my first girlfriend and I fell in love with her. About 3 years have past and I still have trouble coping with my depression. I just feel bad because I ruined the night, and I did that a lot back when we were together. I feel angry at myself for not learning from my mistakes; I just wish I was stronger and didn't get upset so easily. I cryed a bit, so now I feel better. =)
 
Tempus35

Tempus35

1
I would say I know how that feels, that is with the girlfriend, but I have never had one. I can understand the depression though. Sorry.
 
S

Silvox Black

Well-known member
lithium said:
Well, my ex-girlfriend and friend came over to my house. Prior to them coming over I was sort of moody/depressed. So I still have feelings for her. Well, keep in mind I was already in a bad state of mind. We were just watching t.v and she kept kind of cuddling with me, but then her and my friend just started talking and I just got stuck in my head, and then she started playing around with him, and I just felt bad because of the lack of attention. It just sort of built up inside of me, and then I just told them that I felt like crap and wanted them to leave. I really didn't want them to leave and I didn't want to let them know how I felt. But I did, and then I ended up ruining the night and they left, and I just made it really awkward. I just feel really bad now, thinking about the past and how it used to be. She was my first girlfriend and I fell in love with her. About 3 years have past and I still have trouble coping with my depression. I just feel bad because I ruined the night, and I did that a lot back when we were together. I feel angry at myself for not learning from my mistakes; I just wish I was stronger and didn't get upset so easily. I cryed a bit, so now I feel better. =)
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Ah yes, such guilt and bitterness over witnessing affection when you yourself struggled and lost it can be overpowering. Yet you should not feel such guilt, it is understandable though. You still retained memories of her, naturally seeing her with another would make you feel, at the least, uncomfortable. I understand that you blame yourself as well, but you are not at fault here. What you did was completely justified.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
lithium said:
Well, my ex-girlfriend and friend came over to my house. Prior to them coming over I was sort of moody/depressed. So I still have feelings for her. Well, keep in mind I was already in a bad state of mind. We were just watching t.v and she kept kind of cuddling with me, but then her and my friend just started talking and I just got stuck in my head, and then she started playing around with him, and I just felt bad because of the lack of attention. It just sort of built up inside of me, and then I just told them that I felt like crap and wanted them to leave. I really didn't want them to leave and I didn't want to let them know how I felt. But I did, and then I ended up ruining the night and they left, and I just made it really awkward. I just feel really bad now, thinking about the past and how it used to be. She was my first girlfriend and I fell in love with her. About 3 years have past and I still have trouble coping with my depression. I just feel bad because I ruined the night, and I did that a lot back when we were together. I feel angry at myself for not learning from my mistakes; I just wish I was stronger and didn't get upset so easily. I cryed a bit, so now I feel better. =)
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Hey, it's understandable if you feel depressed, don't think it's a mistake or anything bad... It's natural that you react like this in these situations. I'm glad you are feeling better now :)
I might be wrong, but maybe you should talk to her about this someday?... I dunno.
 
N

Nack

Banned
Wait? Your ex-girlfriend brought her man friend over to your house and they started playing with each other? Something is seriously wrong with your story... I don't know your relationship with your ex or that buddy of hers so i won't judge. But in my mind, that's rude to be bringing some other dude into your house and start playing with him...
 
lithium

lithium

Well-known member
Yeah, I should, I just feel a little embarassed. But it should be understandable, I am not by any means perfect and I just had a little bit of a moment I guess. I just hope it doesn't make it awkward for the next time we hang out.
 
lithium

lithium

Well-known member
Nack said:
Wait? Your ex-girlfriend brought her man friend over to your house and they started playing with each other? Something is seriously wrong with your story... I don't know your relationship with your ex or that buddy of hers so i won't judge. But in my mind, that's rude to be bringing some other dude into your house and start playing with him...
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No, that's misconception. Let me clarify. He is my friend too. They both came over to my house. By "playing" I mean just like pinching or pushing, not by any means sexual. I am just a little jealous, be it the little things, and especially when it regards her, who which I hold such a special place in my heart for. I don't know, I just overreacted.
 
S

Silvox Black

Well-known member
lithium said:
No, that's misconception. Let me clarify. He is my friend too. They both came over to my house. By "playing" I mean just like pinching or pushing, not by any means sexual. I am just a little jealous, be it the little things, and especially when it regards her, who which I hold such a special place in my heart for. I don't know, I just overreacted.
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Overreacted? Hardly the word I would use. You reacted as anyone in your situation would have. It is completely understandable why you felt the way you did.
 
X

xSleepy

Well-known member
If an ex of mine and my friend came over and started messing around like that, id probably slap both of them. Id be extremley jealous and upset.

I don't think you did anything wrong. You reacted better than I would have =)
 
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