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Old 08-26-2008
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I have a fear of being rejected when starting conversations with new people especially girls my age. So my plan is to talk to 1000 people and get rejected or ignored by them by starting conversations on stupid topics. Does anyone have any experience with this type of thing? It should take around 6 months i will record my experiences in this thread.
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Old 08-26-2008
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I say do it, and record all of them then share them with us! especially me, it would be sweet, plus you could really learn the art of conversation by studying what you said. w00t rock on !
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Old 08-27-2008
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This is actually a very effective strategy for helping yourself to realize that your fear is unfounded. It won't take long before you realize that it isn't so bad.

I talked with a guy once who sees the same therapist as me, and he went downtown and stood under a giant clock and asked everyone who walked by what time it was. The idea was to show himself that "looking stupid" was not in anyway a dangerous situation that should be feared. It worked pretty well for him, too.
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Old 08-27-2008
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yeah! Go, shield! (^-^)
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Old 08-27-2008
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This is an awesome idea.
It's what everyone should be doing, really, to get through social anxiety.

I thought that I should go to a busy place and start a convo with 10 people with my goal being to GET rejected.
It's just like a little game.... if I get rejected or no response at all, I get 1 point towards my 10 total needed to win. If I can make it to 10 without getting 1 single friendly response, I win.

The reality is.... SOMEONE will be friendly and have a conversation with you. At least one person. So everytime that happens and you lose, you have to start all over again.... from 1, with the goal of getting 10 straight rejections.
And it just continues on and on from there, but I never thought to have a stupid or random topic to start with so that's what i'll be trying too.
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Old 08-27-2008
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I have a guy friend who did this exact thing! Not 1000 but maybe something like 20 rejections as a goal to start with, and sure enough, he went through his rejections but with each one it got so much easier and not afraid to talk to/ask out girls.
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Old 08-27-2008
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Thats a good idea. Good luck!
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Old 08-29-2008
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Ok I went out last night to a pub. I decided to tell 12 people 'Did you know how my goldfish died?' ...'It drowned. Pleasure meeting you.' About half of people looked wierded out and half were like 'oh really that's strange blah blah blah'. I found after saying that to about 10 people I felt very relaxed like all the adrenaline just left my body.
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Old 08-29-2008
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You're getting seasoned shield, keep at it. Best post I've read on this forum all year.
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Old 08-29-2008
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shield you've inspired me to do the same thing i'm so nervous to do it though. I don't know whether to say it to random people or people I know :oops:
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Old 08-30-2008
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I say it to random people I don't know. I've now tried it on 42 people I did 16 yesterday and 14 today all girls. Some of which were very attractive. I can already see noticeable improvement in my anxiety levels. Tomorrow I will do another 12.
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Old 08-30-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caitlynx
I have a guy friend who did this exact thing! Not 1000 but maybe something like 20 rejections as a goal to start with, and sure enough, he went through his rejections but with each one it got so much easier and not afraid to talk to/ask out girls.
Well, that is good in a way, but has his dating life gotten any better?
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Old 08-31-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NightTimeForever
Quote:
Originally Posted by caitlynx
I have a guy friend who did this exact thing! Not 1000 but maybe something like 20 rejections as a goal to start with, and sure enough, he went through his rejections but with each one it got so much easier and not afraid to talk to/ask out girls.
Well, that is good in a way, but has his dating life gotten any better?
Yes and no. He's gone on a lot of first/second dates without it going much further. He met one girl at a party that he dated for a few weeks, and also a few girls online (like match.com)...but eventually I think he has a lot of self-esteem issues issues that get in the way after he starts to get close to them, and the girls break it off. He's a little depressed about it not working out with any of them, but he's still pressing on. All it takes is meeting ONE girl one day, so he's gotta keep on having faith, struggling through rejection after rejection.
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Old 08-31-2008
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I tried something like that before with my friends friends. I knew they were kidding but they would always say conversation deaded. That really ruined my attempt at it:(. i wish you better luck lol
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Old 09-01-2008
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This is a brilliant idea... I totally support this.
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Old 09-01-2008
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Talking to 1000 new people would take me over 1000 years, maybe 5000 years at my current rate. I don't get how it makes sense to set that as a goal. It seems like it would just make a person feel worse about never meeting anyone new for years.

If the point of the goal is just to make yourself feel like a fool or look stupid in public by talking to random people on the street, I can see how that would work, but has anyone ever made a friend that way, by talking to random strangers on the street? Does anyone know anyone who has? If so, what would be a good sort of place to do that, just any crowded sidewalk? And what would be something to say that doesn't make you look crazy or put you in danger of being arrested?
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Old 09-01-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sde
Talking to 1000 new people would take me over 1000 years, maybe 5000 years at my current rate. I don't get how it makes sense to set that as a goal. It seems like it would just make a person feel worse about never meeting anyone new for years.
I don' think so. This is very brave and effective thing to do. Sounds like excellent behavioral experiment, if you cognitively prepare yourself before of course. And you are doing that, Shield, don't you?
Anyway keep going. And please don't forget to report about your progress. As a person incapable of starting conversations and making new acquaintances, I am very interested in the topic. I would like to know what made you to decide and commit yourself to take such action. How did you came to the idea?
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Old 09-03-2008
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Quote:
Sounds like excellent behavioral experiment, if you cognitively prepare yourself before of course. And you are doing that, Shield, don't you?
Oh yes cognitive preparation is very important. The idea is to strengthen a new belief. The belief being;

1)rejection happens because of what I did not what I am. I can learn new behaviours therefore there is nothing bad about rejection. Rejection also happens because the other person is rude. Either way it is not a reflection on me personally.

If you go into a behavioural experiment with the wrong beliefs i.e. you take it personally, the rejections will lower your confidence. If you go in with the right beliefs it will not affect you. This is what I have found.

Also I feel pretty comfortable with rejection now so I don't believe there is any need to purposely get 1000. I will continue talking to people to meet my goal of talking to 1000 people but instead I will try to start conversations normally while welcoming rejection but not actively seeking it.

The reason for this experiment is initially I tried to make small talk while avoiding rejection because I was scared of it. The result was that in every conversation I felt unduly nervous because of my fear of rejection and I always came off nervous and overly serious. I think that you can only be yourself once you have totally overcome the fear of rejection. If you never face it you will just continue to fear it and try to avoid it in limiting subtle ways like avoiding risky topics of conversation, not making jokes, not talking to attractive people. This is not good for me.
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Old 09-03-2008
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wow, this is a REALLY good idea! And after reading about your progress I am definetly going to try this out! I just can't go on being afraid of people thinking I'm a loser or that I'm stupid. This will help me hugely! I think this may be an ACTUAL way to lose fear of rejection really fast
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Old 09-05-2008
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that actually sounds like a lot of fun. and since your goal is to get rejected, when people give you weird looks or whatever, it'd be more funny than hurtful, because you can be smug in the knowledge that you've succeeded in making them think you're a crazy person!

it'd be fun to do this with drunk people... i bet you'd have some interesting convos.
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