My OCD Story (without an ending)

[kev]

Hi everyone. I've been an OCD sufferer for the past 7 years, and it only seems to get worse as time goes on. What I think is quite unique about my situation is that my main obsession changes about every year, so as soon as I think the disorder has slowed down, a new thought begins to occupy my mind. I have seen several therapists over the past few years, and the most success that I have had is curing a specific obsession, only to be taken over by a new obsession soon after. All of my obsessions have to do with death and the "unknown", and I think that may have to do with losing my mother when I was nine years old. In the beginning stages of my OCD I thought it was quite normal, and that everyone experienced these thoughts at some point in their lives. Once I realized that I was abnormal and that people would never really understand what I was going through, I developed depression that has been a part of me since.

My current obsession is by far the worst because it involves driving and the fear of getting into a fatal car accident. The reason why this one is the worst is because it prevents me from leaving the house and going out with friends. It literally has sucked every ounce of joy and happiness out of my life, and even though I'm not suicidal, I really don't see the point in living anymore. Another aspect of my current obsession is something that I really can't define because it's more philosophical in nature, and may be even more difficult to understand than the obsession itself. Not only do I fear getting into a fatal car accident, but after making a risky turn, or a close encounter with another car, I truly believe that I may have actually gotten into an accident and died. I know that it seems strange, but for a few days after that specific encounter, I truly believe that I am not living and I am in a dreaming state. During this time period, in my head I will picture my family and friends grieving at my funeral, and it will cause me immense pain. Luckily, the thought goes away in a few days, but it is replaced by one that is very similar as soon as I go for another drive and experience another close encounter.

Since I have been to many therapists, with only minor results, I am beginning to lose hope in curing my mental illness. The thought of medication has come up, but I am highly against it because I don't want to become dependent on a pill to be happy. Please reply If you have any suggestions about how I can get on the right track to be cured, or if you're going through something similar. Thank you very much.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

CBT is the only thing I can think of that may help-- but as you've said you have seen many therapists with no results; I'd assume you've tried cognitive behavioral therapy and it didn't work out.

It's a lifelong struggle to 'get rid' of OCD but like an addict who has gotten themselves sober-- they will still be an addict; recovered or not. There is always the danger of going back to old habits.

There's always a trigger- a reason for these fears, for the obsessions.
I suppose you have to start with that and just rationalize with yourself over and over again.
It's a fear for a reason but why are you focused on it and what are the chances of it actually happening?

I've just been using distraction methods to help with my obsessive compulsions but distracting doesn't always work unless you have the energy to actually focus on the distraction.
So... working on it... have yet to find anything that has helped in any profound way.

 

[kev]

CBT is the only thing I can think of that may help-- but as you've said you have seen many therapists with no results; I'd assume you've tried cognitive behavioral therapy and it didn't work out.

It's a lifelong struggle to 'get rid' of OCD but like an addict who has gotten themselves sober-- they will still be an addict; recovered or not. There is always the danger of going back to old habits.

There's always a trigger- a reason for these fears, for the obsessions.
I suppose you have to start with that and just rationalize with yourself over and over again.
It's a fear for a reason but why are you focused on it and what are the chances of it actually happening?

I've just been using distraction methods to help with my obsessive compulsions but distracting doesn't always work unless you have the energy to actually focus on the distraction.
So... working on it... have yet to find anything that has helped in any profound way.

The one time that I saw a therapist long term was when I had some results. All of the others I saw for less than 5 months, so maybe that has something to do with my lack of success. CBT was the method that I most commonly tried with my therapists.

I do agree that there is always a trigger, but it's so hard to figure out how to reverse the trauma. Anyway, thanks for the reply and I wish the best of luck to you.

 

[Zak]

Oh my God. I know this sounds bizarre. But I am actually happy to know that someone is going through something similar to what I am, ok not happy, but you know what I mean, it's just nice to know that I'm not the only one in the world.

My obsession started with my teeth. I had to have SUPER clean teeth. I brushed about 5 times a day. Thought pretty much only about my teeth, then it transferred to chemicals. (because the chemicals would obviously affect my teeth). Now, unfortunately it is sound, and also I feel like I can't breathe and I am somehow suffering from a lack of oxygen.

The sound one (fear of losing hearing through loud sounds) is by far the worst. It has literally confined me to my house and I have lost all contact with my old friends. But I feel like it can only get better from here (could it get any worse?). Anyway maybe we could help each other work through this stuff, I'll add you as a friend!

Each one of these obsessions have come and gone about every year. I haven't (yet) gone to a therapist, so I feel like that doesn't help. One thing I am trying is going on Dr. Joel Fuhrman's eat to live diet! I hope it helps not only improve my nutrtion but also with my obsessions and general mental attitude.

Good luck! and I hope you feel better soon!

Zak