I'm mainly afraid to show much of my personality...

[username151]

Is this true for anyone else? I'm afraid to show significant emotion in front of people (a lot of anger or excitement, etc); I'm afraid to dance in front of people; I'm afraid to sing; I'm afraid to speak with confidence; I'm afraid to talk in funny voices to animals around people; etc, etc.

I'm kind of this weird, highly sarcastic, very low self esteem acting person around people, especially people I know.

Is that a problem for anyone else? Since I had significant social phobia for quite awhile, I acted pretty strangely and never showed much personality around my family and close friends (I only have a few friends because they're my brothers friends)...and now...I just can't change how I act around all those people who've known because I feels so embarrassed of how I've acted and I'd feel 'fake' acting any differently, even though I know that's not the real 'me' at all.

I don't even know how else I'd act...


Can anyone else relate? I feel like a freak, even on here.

 

[coyote]

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

yes, i can relate very much

 

[Fanden]

Yeah. You seem nervous in every social situation. I think it's rather common for social phobics.

I keep thinking. How would people react if one day I'd show up at work/school being the "real" me.

 

[Azael]

I can be afraid to show certain emotions. Most of the time I simpy feel too uncomfortable to do so. Those activities you listed would feel very unnatural to me. I assure you that you are no freak. These things are quite common; not just on SA forums but on teen depression forums too!

 

[username151]

I no longer have social anxiety/phobia though. I've overcome that, but I still have avoidant personality disorder. I don't feel any anxiety, and I don't really have a 'fear', really, of showing my personality... I've never really tried to, but I think I can around strangers.

It's just I feel very, very embarrassed of how weird I've acted in front of people who've known me and I feel like they'd think I was being 'fake' or something if I started acting differently.

Take my petting a dog and speaking in a really funny animal voice to the dog. I haven't done something like that in almost a decade around my family members, so I feel like I can't bring myself to do it, even though the 'real me' would do it, and even though I don't have social anxiety anymore. It's just my low self esteem + my embarrassment of how I've acted (or, rather, not acted) around them for so long + the apparent 'fakeness' of acting significantly differently around them.

Can anyone relate specifically to those concerns? If so, have any of you overcome them?

 

[Aletheia]

still love to learn to waltz

I'm afraid to dance around other people because I'm a crap dancer.

But I think that comes from fearing to be judged. Exposing my soul to be judged.

What if I'm found wanting?

 

[doubtmyself]

Is this true for anyone else? I'm afraid to show significant emotion in front of people (a lot of anger or excitement, etc); I'm afraid to dance in front of people; I'm afraid to sing; I'm afraid to speak with confidence; I'm afraid to talk in funny voices to animals around people; etc, etc.
Can anyone else relate? I feel like a freak, even on here.

Absolutely. But mine is especially if I can't trust a particular person. Don't show bullies your weaknesses, is my motto. Trouble is that transfers to other situations.

.

It's just I feel very, very embarrassed of how weird I've acted in front of people who've known me and I feel like they'd think I was being 'fake' or something if I started acting differently.

Take my petting a dog and speaking in a really funny animal voice to the dog. I haven't done something like that in almost a decade around my family members, so I feel like I can't bring myself to do it, even though the 'real me' would do it, and even though I don't have social anxiety anymore. It's just my low self esteem + my embarrassment of how I've acted (or, rather, not acted) around them for so long + the apparent 'fakeness' of acting significantly differently around them.

Can anyone relate specifically to those concerns? If so, have any of you overcome them?

Yes I can. It's called "losing the inner child". Don't do it. It's your lifeblood. It's your joy. Be close friends of people who allow you to be yourselff totally.

 

[ScaredToBreathe]

I'm afraid to dance in front of people; I'm afraid to sing; I'm afraid to speak with confidence; I'm afraid to talk in funny voices to animals around people

I can DEFINATELY relate to this here. And sometimes when there's an awkward silence i feel like im suppose to be doing or sayin something, so say ill talk to an animal in front of someone, and my voice goes all weird then gets quiet again n it's even more awkward!

as for the emotion part, it's not so much that i FEAR showing emotion, it's more that i just naturally seem emotionless. like my voice is monotone, people have said i have a good poker face due to my blank expression, people are always telling me to smile even when i feel happy i just dont. but like at work i deal with customers and have to fake enthusiasm and constantly smile, and it's not just like i do it automatically like breathing, i actually have to think about it to display my emotions correctly so the people around me dont get uncomfortable. ::

 

[awkwardamanda]

Yeah, I can relate. I need a lot of privacy. I don't like to let people get to know me that well. Sometimes I like to sing and dance when I'm alone, but it would never happen when there's other people around. I listen to music quietly or with headphones because I'd rather no one knows what I like. I don't like to discuss hot topics because I don't want people to know my opinions. Sometimes I'll go along with what other people say instead of risking feeling awkward when we disagree. Sometimes I don't want people to know what I'm up to or where I'm going. I have a tendency to want to hide things that aren't exactly secrets.

I don't like to show emotion. I can laugh in front of other people and I get angry easily, but otherwise it makes me uncomfortable. I don't like people to see me happy. I don't like people to see me sad and mopey. Definitely don't want to get sentimental. I even get uncomfortable watching anything emotional on TV when other people are around.

I think I'll be much better off when I can live alone. Then I'll finally have the freedom to live the private life that I want. I can do what I want and just be myself and no one will question it. But for now, I'll just hide in bedroom.

 

[totoro]

I can totally relate with your post. From the outside I'm like a robot. I hardly show any emotions and don't express how I feel so essentially I've been suppressing my personality from people for most of my life.

Even those who I consider friends don't know the "real me" because I hold back from them and hide behind this mask. They know some aspects of me but only selected/filtered parts of my personality. It's like I have more to offer but I withhold so much which is a shame because I think I could be a more fun and vibrant person if I weren't affected so much by my SP.

Like you, I'm also finding it difficult to change my behaviour around people I know because they already know me as being a particular way. For example, I used to avoid dancing because I felt very embarrassed and self-conscious. When I started university I didn't want that perception of being "the person who doesn't dance" to stick so I made a decision to give it a try and it wasn't so bad! I can (and have) danced with friends from university but I'd still be very shy and reluctant to dance around my high school friends since they've always known me as the person who doesn't dance.

I think part of it is because if I did dance it would draw attention to me which is one of my fears (I feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward under the spotlight as people with SP do). So it isn't so much the activity I fear (whether it be singing, dancing, speaking) but people's perceptions and judgments of me if that makes any sense?

 

[username151]

I can totally relate with your post. From the outside I'm like a robot. I hardly show any emotions and don't express how I feel so essentially I've been suppressing my personality from people for most of my life.

Even those who I consider friends don't know the "real me" because I hold back from them and hide behind this mask. They know some aspects of me but only selected/filtered parts of my personality. It's like I have more to offer but I withhold so much which is a shame because I think I could be a more fun and vibrant person if I weren't affected so much by my SP.

Like you, I'm also finding it difficult to change my behaviour around people I know because they already know me as being a particular way. For example, I used to avoid dancing because I felt very embarrassed and self-conscious. When I started university I didn't want that perception of being "the person who doesn't dance" to stick so I made a decision to give it a try and it wasn't so bad! I can (and have) danced with friends from university but I'd still be very shy and reluctant to dance around my high school friends since they've always known me as the person who doesn't dance.

I think part of it is because if I did dance it would draw attention to me which is one of my fears (I feel extremely uncomfortable and awkward under the spotlight as people with SP do). So it isn't so much the activity I fear (whether it be singing, dancing, speaking) but people's perceptions and judgments of me if that makes any sense?

I feel the same way.

Take dancing. If the people you're around view you as this quiet emotionless no personality person, how are you supposed to dance? To be consistent with that sort of person, you'd have to have a blankish expression, and you'd have to dance without really being into it... and that would just be weird as hell. So I can't dance around people I know.

Since I've been this really quiet sarcastic person who rarely shows much personality at all around people, I feel like I've become that person, in a way.

How did you snap out of it around new people when you went to college? I feel like I might be able to, but I don't have much confidence. Were you able to be a more sociable and fun person around all new people, or are you still pretty similar to your old self?

 

[Nouveau]

Yeah, I can relate. I need a lot of privacy. I don't like to let people get to know me that well. Sometimes I like to sing and dance when I'm alone, but it would never happen when there's other people around. I listen to music quietly or with headphones because I'd rather no one knows what I like. I don't like to discuss hot topics because I don't want people to know my opinions. Sometimes I'll go along with what other people say instead of risking feeling awkward when we disagree. Sometimes I don't want people to know what I'm up to or where I'm going. I have a tendency to want to hide things that aren't exactly secrets.

I don't like to show emotion. I can laugh in front of other people and I get angry easily, but otherwise it makes me uncomfortable. I don't like people to see me happy. I don't like people to see me sad and mopey. Definitely don't want to get sentimental. I even get uncomfortable watching anything emotional on TV when other people are around.

I think I'll be much better off when I can live alone. Then I'll finally have the freedom to live the private life that I want. I can do what I want and just be myself and no one will question it. But for now, I'll just hide in bedroom.

I was reading your post and I was like, 'that's me'. I don't do anything around people, like dancing, singing, making jokes, etc. I don't show any real emotion around people. I'm always 'happy' around everyone. Well, not exactly happy, but I don't ever let my sad side show if I can help it (mainly because of something that happened years ago).
It was really weird one day when my 11 year old nephew was talking to me about something and he was like, 'You know, I've never seen you cry or be sad, you must be the happiest person I know'. If only he knew. I wanted to laugh at that and at the same time, I felt like no one knows the real me. At all. Not even people I spend a lot of time around.

 

[bleach]

yes I relate, this is probably the main reason for my AvPD. It seems to come from a fear of judgement and rejection by other people. You're afraid of the consequences of being judged inferior so you present an unreadable visage to the world. Because rejection is painful we isolate ourselves, but isolation itself then becomes a source of pain. That's why it is pathological behavior.

some thing I have overheard others saying about me when they thought I wasn't around:

"he doesn't really let you get to know him" --a co-worker of 5 years to another co-worker

" did you ever realize that nobody knows anything about [bleach]?" --a friend of 6 years to another friend