rachel
Banned
Hi, i don't know why, but i just feel very emotional, and can't get the thought of me as a failure out of my mind. i am constanly obsessed with my lack of life, my failure to feel normal, to act normal, my loneliness, my revoltingness. i had two big cries in a row, and i haven't cried in a long time. i feel like im getting back to my old self a few years ago when i couldn't even lift my head to face the world. i am getting more and more shaky and nervous in public.
just sitting here, i feel the frustration building inside like a steam engine, and anytime now, i'll blow up into a thousand pieces.
i just feel i can't handle it, i have two midsession exams next week, a possible quizz, and an 'interview' with PWC! but its not just that, everyweek i have more dread to look forward to. the more i exist the more i dread.
i can just imagine me in 10 years, still the same. in 20 years, still the same, in 30 years, probably killed myself. maybe i'll do it on my 21st birthday. not in the party ofcourse, there'll be no party. i'll save both my and others' embarassment of turning up to a no show.
i just feel pinned in that i have nowhere to vent my thoughts. thanks for reading.
just sitting here, i feel the frustration building inside like a steam engine, and anytime now, i'll blow up into a thousand pieces.
i just feel i can't handle it, i have two midsession exams next week, a possible quizz, and an 'interview' with PWC! but its not just that, everyweek i have more dread to look forward to. the more i exist the more i dread.
i can just imagine me in 10 years, still the same. in 20 years, still the same, in 30 years, probably killed myself. maybe i'll do it on my 21st birthday. not in the party ofcourse, there'll be no party. i'll save both my and others' embarassment of turning up to a no show.
i just feel pinned in that i have nowhere to vent my thoughts. thanks for reading.