Same here. I am self concious about every move i make.
It is my fear when people look at me when I sit in a waiting line for example.
Today I was shaking again, and didn't know how to look at the people.
I was moving around nervously and acted like there were lions around me for god sakes. I got so dissapointed about the waiting line situation, that I started crying in front of my therapist. She told me I have to accept the fact that I deal with this disorder, I said I can't, I really want to get ridd of it.
I so badly wanna change and I want to feel comfortable around people.
She will help me to change, but I need to accept it first...
I'm terrified of my own behaviour :
: I wish I could be relaxed and not always looking around if someone catches my eye or stupid failures.
You know that feeling when you fall down with your bike with 10 people around you,all the people staring at you AT THE SAME time, and you feel like blushing and an unpleasant feeling? that's what I feel EXACTLY every second around people.
Or even worse, imagine you walk in the mall without clothes being nakes, I feel being naked, the shame and fear of making a fool out of myself and acting ridicilous, and this all comes from my thought about myself, I am a ugly creature who is not fun to watch, who acts like she's a weird person with no charisma and stupid comments and just a person who is a shame.
Why do I feel such a shame about myself? Do I need this guilt? :
:
I think it is because people have been bullying me and made fun of me in public.
When I gave a speech one day, everybody laughed in front of my face.
People laughed at me cuz of my tics when I was performing a song, I feel like a freak, I just have the most awkward body language, and that is frustrating as hell. I hate being awkward and show so nervous around people.
It's my biggest shame and terrible experience.
