ROCD, help. Can't take it anymore

Please help me.. I need reassurance or something.. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.. Up until i met him my life was crap.. During my childhood my parents went through a terrible, TERRIBLE divorce and i've had OCD ever since then.. I love my boyfriend so much, with every ounce in my body he's the most amazing person and he treats me great. I have relationship ocd i think, i have thoughts that make me feel extremely guilty.. Random stupid thoughts that I know really mean nothing to me, yet i still feel extremely guilty when i have them.. for example i have random stupid thoughts about having sex with other people, or being with other people when i would NEVER, EVER do that.. I would rather die instead of be with anyone else.. I also have random thoughts about this idiot who I wouldn't even call an ex boyfriend, more like someone who used me for sex.. And that makes me feel extremely guilty, that is probably the worse out of everything.. It tells me all sorts of thoughts about that.. I don't know why I have these thoughts about them, I don't care about that person at all.. I have to do crazy things whenever i have these thoughts I have to do the crazy "ocd rituals". I hate feeling guilty like this, but it's just because i love him so much that I think these stupid things right? They don't mean anything right? It's just part of the ocd to feel guilty isn't it?

When you are in a relationship, you can't just *turn off* an attraction to other people. It may not even be attraction per se, but whatever it is, it's natural. It's natural as a human to have sexual desires.

Even if you would never, ever act on things, it's completely normal to have sexual thoughts about other people. Thoughts are just thoughts, fantasies are just fantasies. They don't mean anything and it doesn't mean you don't care about your boyfriend. It doesn't mean you are a bad person either, you are normal.

I think you just feel like what you are doing is wrong and that is where the guilty feelings are coming from. But I assure you, it's perfectly normal and you aren't doing anything wrong.

Hey dnc9119, last time we talked about this I think you were considering discussing this with your therapist, did you? Yes, I think that your sexual thoughts and associated guilt are probably part of OCD. Have you ever acted on your thoughts? If not, then try not to feel guilty, everyone has sexual thoughts. If you have, then allow yourself forgiveness. Guilt is a waste of brain space

From Obsessive-compulsive disorder - information, symptoms and treatments
Symptoms of OCD

OCD symptoms vary from mild to severe. They include obsessions (thoughts or feelings) that make you feel distressed or anxious, and compulsions (actions) which you feel necessary to perform to cancel out the obsession. It is most common to have both obsessions and compulsions, but you can also have either alone. You may have more than one obsession and/or compulsion.

The most common obsessions are:

* thinking or feeling objects are dirty or contaminated
* worrying about health and hygiene
* fear about safety and security, for example, doors left unlocked or appliances left switched on
* pre-occupation with order and symmetry
* religious or anti-religious thoughts
* disturbing thoughts about aggression or sex
* the urge to hoard useless things

From: OCD: Information about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Symptoms of OCD
Obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms usually involve both obsessions and compulsions. Obsessions are unwanted thoughts or impulses that reoccur constantly, causing feelings of disgust, anxiety, guilt, or fear.

I've never acted on these thoughts, and would never. And Ms.buzzkillin, thank you for responding, but i don't have fantasies, their more like horrorish thoughts that i just can't control.. I think it's because i love him so much.. phocas, i have talked to my psychiatrist and he says it is normal.. But it still doesn't make me feel any better about it..I just feel so dirty when i have these thoughts, and so terrible i just can't take it anymore.. I'd never act on these things, and i really have no idea why these terrible thoughts occur, about such random terrible things.. i don't know what to do, i find my self sleeping all of the time because that is really my only escape from this, i don't like to go anywhere much anymore.. I'm a model, and i find that while i am being photographed it is the only other thing besides sleeping that takes my mind off of it.. I feel so guilty.. I don't know why i have these thoughts.The rituals that i have to do have gotten to be ridiculous.. I have to squeeze my eyes together, touch objects-move them around, clear my throat very loud, stretch out my legs, and when i'm driving it's kind of dangerous because it's really distracting.. I just don't know what else i can do.. I'm even starting to have thoughts about our german shepherd puppy that i also love so much.. I hate this, it's like i finally get good things in my life after my life being complete garbage, yet i still have to have some kind of misory.

Have a read through this
Conquering Distressing Abhorrent OCD Thoughts - Free Self-Help
It may help you understand why these types of thoughts occur with OCD. I haven't read it all yet, but the intro seemed to correlate with your situation

...and another link
Sexual obsessions - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia