Och aye the noo

Graeme1988 said:

Well, bought myself another bottle of Jägermeister

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Here's to good health for ye! :brindis:

theslowesthand said:

Here's to good health for ye! :brindis:

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Cheers! Ah've no telt ma mum that I've bought it like. :bigsmile:

And if my older sister goes: "Huh! Whit ye drinking that fur?!", I'm either gonnae tell her tae f*ck off n' mind her ain business. Or, be really honest, and say that living with her is reason enough to drink. Which would probably not go down well, cuz I'd say it with enough distain in my voice for her to cop that ah wus'nae being funny. Since my mother and sisters just automatically assuming everything I say is meant sarcastically. :sad:

Even my oldest sister acknowledged ah wus'nae as utterly ungrateful following my orthopaedic surgery last year, when ah was off ma feet for 2 months. Aye, there wus the odd angry outburst, in which ah swore. But ah never accused my mother of not helping me, as she actually helped me. Ah sure as f*ck never repeatedly told my mother she's stupid. Aye, ah might've called her an idiot outta frustration due to her not listening to me. But at least ah felt bad enough to say sorry.

How my older sister has treated our mother has been... horrible. :sad: Not once has she apologised for her behaviour or shown a shred of gratitude towards of us. :thumbdown:

Don't know how next year will pan oot... kinda dreading it. Since 2017 dinnae exactly go as ah wus hoping. :sad:

Been so depressed lately that ah cannae bring masel to continue the book ah started reading... F*ck, ah cannae even remember when ah started it! :kickingmyself: Couldnae even bring myself to re-opening my recording software on my laptop, which I've not used since July. That was the last month where ah wus fairly prolific in terms the music ideas just flowing...

But even that... Ah don't know if I'll get back intae? :idontknow: Cuz I just look at the instrumental arrangements, saved on my laptop, ah composed from May through to August and think:
Starting tae huv second thoughts about teaching my oldest sister how to play the bass guitar, too.

The nightmare might, either be over soon, or set to get worse. :sad:

Ma older sister just got the news she didnae want to hear fae tha local housing department. Because she wus made a priority when she filled oot - 2 kids and homeless due to divorce - she did get a couple o' offers. But she declines them for in her words: "...not good enough" :kickingmyself:

So, if she decline the next offer, the housing department here can scrap her application on the grounds that she's been wasting their time when they got other applicants, like me, to deal with. And y'know summit? It serves the bitch right for treat us like crap for the previous 4 months. :thumbdown: Swaning aboot like she's Kim Kardashian's long lost Scottish cousin. Giving us attitude, posting photos and status updates on Facebook like everything's f*ckin' jolly! :no:

Just got the bestest news ah could've wish for in the last 5 months...

MY older sister and feral, hyperactive, greeting-faced mini-me offspring will be outta the family home by Christmas!​

F**k yeah - best Chrimbo present ever ! :brindis:

And there wus me buyin' booze cuz ah've depressed as f*ck and things kinda came tae a heid there as far as thee "Ah cannae take much more o' this" :kickingmyself: wus concerned. And ah did confuse to my oldest sister that the spoiled middle yin wus oan the verge o' being bludgeoned to death by my f*ckin' fist! Which she said was beneath me, and more than a wee bit ironic for some who takes an interest in Eastern, Zen Buddhist, philosophy, and is always the rational in the family conflicts.

Ah just hope these past few hellish months are enough to make my mum realise change is desperately need if she wants our relationship to be repaired. And ah telt her, rightly, that she'd get a "...rude awakening" in the coming months and see that ah wus never the enemy. She just made me that as a convenience for stuff she couldnae admit to or cope with. Easier to take oot oan me cuz my counter argument to her wus always about her. Not once did I stoop so low as to guilt-trip her for doing so, or swearing at her. Unlike a certain older sister... :thumbdown:

Ah don't know.... ah think I'm gonnae break doon in tears, like my Mum did on August 25th, once things get back tae they were. :crying: But even then it's not gonnae be the same. Cuz these past few months huv just made me more determined to be alone. :sad:

And, y'know, reinforced just why ah despise my family. :thumbdown:

Dinnae even ken if ah'll get back into making music again? ::

Still negative aboot this temporary hoose... More negative than failing a school exam paper
This is what my older sister is so worried about. Aw that n' buying clothes for her and her kids. Cuz ye gotta dress to impress, right? :thumbdown:

If ah gie the impression of a wummin who's spoiled and materialist, well... She's exactly that! But that's no even worst of it, in the 5 months she's been back living with us, our mum has been caring for the wee 'uns. F*ck the fact she's well on in terms of age. Naw, she got run efter her grandchildren make sure they're feed n' that, while their ain mother is transfixed by her f*ckin' phone.

What a great parent! Mother knows best, huh?! :no: F*ck off! :veryangry:

Do all wimmin feel the need to make men justify their life choices? Is that how it is now? Or is just the Bitch Trifecta ah wus raised by and with that are like that? Oh, that's wee bit sexist but then it is accurate. As my mother and sister are... like that towards me a lotta the time. :thumbdown:

Cuz, jings, d'they need tae know everything aboot me. And they tell me bugger all, keep things fae me. Dinnae see why ah should be any different.

Aye, ah used to quite an open person, but once ah realised how willing my family were to use that trait against me, I pretty much became a recluse. Sad, but when you've been hurt so many times, emotionally, ye tend to get like that. :sad:

Why tha f*ck I've not comitted suicide is beyond me like. Ah mean my mother got miserable enough outlook on life to make anybuddy lose tha will tae live. And it's no like I'd be missed by ma family. No the way they've treated me. The only reason they'll miss is cuz they finally need tae f*ckin' troubleshoot their laptop issues and resolve them on their ain, like ah do.

Not that movin' oot the hoose'll no help, it's just when you've constantly got family underestimating and telling ye your limitations due to your disability, it hard to believe in yerself, y'know... ? And when yer guilt-tripped for politely refusing to something ya dinnae want tae. It just added tae yer self-esteem issues.

Hope my older sister does move oot afore Christmas, as ah don't want any f*ckin' static about me moving out. Cuz we'll come to blows, ah know we will cuz my sister like to start arguments with "I'm right, you're wrong! Huh!". Paraphrasing, obviously, but that her side of it. Mind you, it's hilarious how a few well phrased questions quickly have her feeling a lot less smug. :bigsmile:

Graeme1988 said:

Cuz, jings, d'they need tae know everything aboot me. And they tell me bugger all, keep things fae me. Dinnae see why ah should be any different.

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Very clever tactic! And so they can put-you-down to their wee heart's content, whilst being immune to getting such in return, thereby maintaining the illusion that they're perfect & can do no wrong. And if you do happen to on occasion complain about them, they say you're being cruel, when you're just being honest & telling things as they are. I know the type of woman you're talkin about.

theslowesthand said:

Very clever tactic! And so they can put-you-down to their wee heart's content, whilst being immune to getting such in return, thereby maintaining the illusion that they're perfect & can do no wrong. And if you do happen to on occasion complain about them, they say you're being cruel, when you're just being honest & telling things as they are. I know the type of woman you're talkin about.

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Well, they've accused me of being cruel while being honest in the past few months. So that's nowt new. And as for putting me down and giving nothing in return, ah do stil give the odd comeback but now it's usually an observation. Like the other day there, my sisters clocked my bottle of Jägermeister on my computer desk. And the oldest goes:

The 5 months of hell my mother and I endured is almost over. Then once my older sister and feral wee 'uns huv buggered off, I'm gonnae start cutting family members oot o' my life. No contact whatsoever. I'm done being the scapegoat for their mistakes and problems in life. :thumbdown:

Seek o' this constant feelin' that ah need tae justify ma life as well. Why this, why that? F*ck off! :veryangry:

Well, there wus me gonnae come on here n' bothering aboot the past couple o' months. Instead, ma oldest sister a few hours ago, in a brief visit, comes up tae ma room, says the usual "Hullo. How it gan?" small talk, then says this tae me:


So, in summary, 2017 hus bin utter feckin' sh!te fur me compared to 2016. :thumbdown:

Ah feel like there's nay point to me even existing if I'm never going be able to experience life on my own. Like truly alone, answering to myself, doing as I please with having to justify why I'm happy. But, no, that'll never happen now, cuz my mother has pretty much threatened to take her own life if I do leave hame. Well, implied it, doesnae huv the intelligence to come right say it, like.

Whit would you dae in my situation, eh? Not that care at this point, she been a burden to me ma whole life. Ah mean still deluded enough to believe that I'll get a girlfriend and get married some day, still. Despite from ages 14 up until ah wus 18, all ah heard wus how relationships n' marriage were pointless. And how ah wus just a useless effin' arsehole, just like my father. But none o' that or neglect early in childhood impacts the person you will become later in life. :no: h:

Not say I genuinely believe aw that pish about me being my dad, but it was routinely hammered home enough times that I've become just like my dad. Lower tolerance for people who mess me about, and waste my time. Very driven. And always trying to having a positive attitude.

Though, if ah wus'nae sure before, then recent events huv convinced me that I'm not meant, nor deserve a happy life. :sad: No, this constantly miserable, uneventful, uninteresting, dull existence is all I deserve. Where a moment without anxiety, doubt or fear is so brief it's soon forgotten.

They take from me, and dinnae show the even a hint o' being grateful. Well, that's not true, my oldest sister appreciates me. But, still, the more ye do fur folk... :thumbdown:

Wondering why ah should bother. Every time I speak my mind, or offer a perspective which most would see as sensible, I'm immediately the bad guy. :kickingmyself: Ah try tae be fair n' considerate... And the fact I gave up on my pursuit of happiness tae make others aroon me happy. But naebuddy in the family want tae acknowledge that cuz then that's an admission that they've f*cked me over. And they have. :sad:

But what does my life matter? Am just a man efter aw. Expendable, unless, worthless and every other negative adjective ya cun think of... ::

Am I in the wrong for not wanting to be around my family? Ah know I'm not, but then how come I feel like the total knob-end here? :idontknow: And this f*ckin' praise for me being the good brother, meaning well. But, oh no! Yer no allowed tae strike oot oan yer ain, cuz we need ye. :kickingmyself: So, that basically confirms that they do give contractary messages.

Strong. Independent. Ah don't need no man... "Graeme!! C'mere n' open this bottle fu me, would ye!"

And, apparently, my older sister are too dumb to transfer photos fae their phone to their laptop. Really?! Or cun you jist no be arsed daein that yersel'? Sorry but that stuff just irritates me. :thumbdown: And my oldest sister wants me to teach her how to play the bass guitar? Gawd help me!

Oh, how different this year should've been for me. It shoulda been great, but instead it ends on depressing note. :crying: And realisation that ah cannae keep compromising when it comes to my needs. Can't keep putting masel' last. :sad:

Graeme1988 said:

Oh, how different this year should've been for me. It shoulda been great, but instead it ends on depressing note. :crying: And realisation that ah cannae keep compromising when it comes to my needs. Can't keep putting masel' last. :sad:

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You deserve to put yourself first for a change! :thumbup:

LoyalXenite said:

You deserve to put yourself first for a change! :thumbup:

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Aye, ah know I deserve that. It's just difficult when yer family are bunch of childish, inconsiderate narcissists who only ever think of themselves. :thumbdown: They'll take issue with me every time I say "No" or disagree with me. mg:

Oh, but, they're quick to praise me if do something... for them :kickingmyself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtWn7XrsKyk