might quit my job because of work parties

I am medical lab technician. The job itself is not a problem at all. It's the social aspect. We have a work outings/teambuilding every month (usually things like dinner, bowling, mini golf etc...) + we have work outings for holidays (dinners)+ we have at work events during holidays like secret santa on Christmas, pot lucks on Thanksgiving, and Halloween Costume contests etc... I really can't take the social aspect. My job is very good for social anxiety outside of that. It is very low stress and I don't have to talk to people. Sucks, because I don't think I'll ever find a job that fits so well with my social anxiety. I dread doing these social events so much though.

do you have to go to them? any excuse to get out of them?
it seems like a really good job for you that it would be a shame to quit.

chibiXphantom said:

do you have to go to them? any excuse to get out of them?
it seems like a really good job for you that it would be a shame to quit.

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I agree, see if you can get out of them. Maybe just tell your boss the truth, you can't take the parties and you will have to quit if you're required to attend.

On the other hand, have you had any positive experiences at these parties? Maybe it would be good for you to attend if it can help you to get past your social anxiety. Are you allowed to pick and choose which events you attend? Sounds like some events would be less stressful than others.

I hate work parties, most of the time I get out of them. But the few I've been to all they do is talk about ...work..

I haven't been to a work party since 1997.

I hate love-ins, workshops, breaking up into groups with butchers paper.

I know from my previous jobs that there are many people who rather not go and come up with excuses. Some of them you never saw at those kind of parties, but still were very well respected. It's ok. Or maybe you can tell the truth and say that you don't like parties, but that might be a bit challenging. It would be a shame when you have to quit a nice job for this. I understand you though, i always dread them too. Eventhough it got less during the years. Some i even enjoy now.

Maybe you could try explaining your anxiety issue to your manager etc at work.Thats if you feel comfortable doing that.Thats a way of getting out of the social element of the job.

It seems as though those parties aren't that regular (once a month, give or take), so my advice to you would be to take that chance to work on your social skills and try to look at the positive aspects of those gatherings (making friends, meeting new people who could be reliable and cool, etc). You could also attend the dinner part and then say you have somewhere to be, and leave after dinner. This way you're at least doing something, which will stop others from pushing you away from not being a regular like most of your colleagues.

You can also try to single out a couple of people you enjoy interacting with more than others, and focus on hanging out mostly with them.

Ransfordrowe said:

Maybe you could try explaining your anxiety issue to your manager etc at work.Thats if you feel comfortable doing that.Thats a way of getting out of the social element of the job.

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That is great advice. I did this and my manager was understanding of it. I wasn't forced to go on a trip away with other staff.

Don't quit your job. The next job will almost certainly present the same problem but the work itself may not be as enjoyable. If these work outings are compulsory you're just going to have to grin and bear it. If they are voluntary, then you need to come up with an excuse not to go to them. If you can't bear admitting to your social anxiety, then come up with some plausible excuse - maybe something with a modicum of truth in it to make it easier for you to admit to. For example, maybe you have family commitments - an elderly relative that doesn't like to be left alone in the evening or an insanely jealous partner who doesn't like you socializing without them. You might have an interest or hobby that takes up all your spare time. Or you're just getting too old for gadding about, you can't drink anymore, or you can't stand deafening music anymore. Whatever it is, once it is an established fact, people will accept it without any problem and will no longer expect you to go to these things.

If attending work parties causes you too much anxiety, then definitely take the advice of the others who posted in this thread and try to get out of going to them (for now); but you eventually want to work on getting over your anxiety to where you can attend these parties.

If you cannot avoid attending work parties, then try your best to calm yourself down when you're there. I know, easier said than done, but if you take a few deep breaths and relax, even if only a little, you'll feel a little better and might be surprised by how well you feel at these parties.