How are you feeling?

BlueDays

BlueDays

1
GraybeardGhost said:
I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm going to hire someone to help dig me out of this hole I'm in. I've even been taking some steps to prepare. But you know what? It's never going to happen. Good things never do.

I need sleep.
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I hope after you have had some good sleep that you can find that enthusiasm again, and can manage to hire someone to help you, Graybeard :)



And sadly, good things DO happen for those who are obscenely rich. They can spend copious amounts of money to selfishly make good things happen....but for themselves only of course.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9f/b1/9a/9fb19a92d50eb323cd9430ec4cacf088.jpg
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I found out last week that I have to move out of my condo at the end of the month, which means I have a lot of work to do between now and then. Well, wouldn't you know it, I went and pulled my back a couple of days ago moving furniture and when I woke up this morning it was really hurting. So I guess I'll be hobbling around this dank dungeon for the next few days getting my stuff together on an ibuprofen trip. I still have the Torodol for the kidney stone, but I'm leery of using it... though I will if I have to. It's not an opioid, but still comes with its own set of problems.

That said, I'm soooooooo ready to get out of here; I don't like my new neighbors, I don't like that this place is in my stepfather's name, and I'm especially ready to live somewhere that I can step outside my front-door without feeling like I'm running a gauntlet. Of course, that place will be with my grandfather, which sucks, not because of him, but because I'm friggin' forty and moving in with my grandpa. But like I said yesterday, I have a plan. I'm supposed to be starting therepy with a new psychiatrist very soon and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to hold down a job by the end of the year... fingers crossed. With a career, I'll be able to get my own place (meaning I pay for it) and start a real life.

Woo-hoo!
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
Kiwong said:
Is there any help you can get through organisations that help people in need? Organisations that have people who are sympathetic and used to helping out?
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There are a lot of organizations around, but their definition of need may not be the same as mine. I believe my best bet is to reach out to individuals or small companies through a large Facebook group I joined last fall. 30,000+ members ought to get me at least a few responses. The trick will be to phrase my post in a way that will express my needs without scaring off the people I'm trying to reach. That's if I can get past my fears and post anything at all. This ain't gonna be easy.


BlueDays said:
I hope after you have had some good sleep that you can find that enthusiasm again, and can manage to hire someone to help you, Graybeard :)
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Feeling better this morning. Thanks, Blue! :)


BlueDays said:
And sadly, good things DO happen for those who are obscenely rich. They can spend copious amounts of money to selfishly make good things happen....but for themselves only of course.
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Sometimes. Money can do a lot of things if applied correctly—a lot of good things, and for a lot of people—but it's not much good to have if you can't overcome your fears and use it.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
FountainandFairfax said:
I found out last week that I have to move out of my condo at the end of the month, which means I have a lot of work to do between now and then. Well, wouldn't you know it, I went and pulled my back a couple of days ago moving furniture and when I woke up this morning it was really hurting. So I guess I'll be hobbling around this dank dungeon for the next few days getting my stuff together on an ibuprofen trip. I still have the Torodol for the kidney stone, but I'm leery of using it... though I will if I have to. It's not an opioid, but still comes with its own set of problems.

That said, I'm soooooooo ready to get out of here; I don't like my new neighbors, I don't like that this place is in my stepfather's name, and I'm especially ready to live somewhere that I can step outside my front-door without feeling like I'm running a gauntlet. Of course, that place will be with my grandfather, which sucks, not because of him, but because I'm friggin' forty and moving in with my grandpa. But like I said yesterday, I have a plan. I'm supposed to be starting therepy with a new psychiatrist very soon and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to hold down a job by the end of the year... fingers crossed. With a career, I'll be able to get my own place (meaning I pay for it) and start a real life.

Woo-hoo!
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Good luck with that, Fountain.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Using this list to try fix my dodgy mood. Is certainly helping!. A cacophony of sounds & sensations!

Marijuana High Immitation| Weed Effect | 30Hz Pure Binaural Beats
+ Trippy Binaural Beats Music | Marijuana High Effect | Weed Effect Imitation
+ SereneSound (light waves + fire + blizzard)
+ Classical radio
+ Alcohol
+ Chocolate

Well, it'll do for now anyway, until i'm sick of it...
 
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BlueDays

BlueDays

1
FountainandFairfax said:
I found out last week that I have to move out of my condo at the end of the month, which means I have a lot of work to do between now and then. Well, wouldn't you know it, I went and pulled my back a couple of days ago moving furniture and when I woke up this morning it was really hurting. So I guess I'll be hobbling around this dank dungeon for the next few days getting my stuff together on an ibuprofen trip. I still have the Torodol for the kidney stone, but I'm leery of using it... though I will if I have to. It's not an opioid, but still comes with its own set of problems.

That said, I'm soooooooo ready to get out of here; I don't like my new neighbors, I don't like that this place is in my stepfather's name, and I'm especially ready to live somewhere that I can step outside my front-door without feeling like I'm running a gauntlet. Of course, that place will be with my grandfather, which sucks, not because of him, but because I'm friggin' forty and moving in with my grandpa. But like I said yesterday, I have a plan. I'm supposed to be starting therepy with a new psychiatrist very soon and hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, I'll be able to hold down a job by the end of the year... fingers crossed. With a career, I'll be able to get my own place (meaning I pay for it) and start a real life.

Woo-hoo!
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Well........YAY!!! :thumbup: :applause:




While watching one of the 'Good Morning TV Shows' - that I never watch - on a TV in the waiting room, I was thinking "how on earth are those presenters all so happy and smiling and joking around ALL THE TIME"!? They were like this for EVERYTHING they were discussing.

I could not even pretend to be THAT excited and happy and laughing for that long, even if my life depended on it.

Is there a special, secret 'Permanent Happiness, Bubbly Talking and Excited Smiling Facial Expression College" for these TV presenters? :thinking:

Is there a buffet with free, yummy all-you-can-eat breakfast foods, as well as a big bowl of free all-you-can-use amphetamines available for them before they go 'On Air'? :bigsmile:

I felt like an alien, watching a whole different species on the TV.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Thanks Wong and Blue. :D

While watching one of the 'Good Morning TV Shows' - that I never watch - on a TV in the waiting room, I was thinking "how on earth are those presenters all so happy and smiling and joking around ALL THE TIME"!? They were like this for EVERYTHING they were discussing.

I could not even pretend to be THAT excited and happy and laughing for that long, even if my life depended on it.

Is there a special, secret 'Permanent Happiness, Bubbly Talking and Excited Smiling Facial Expression College" for these TV presenters?

Is there a buffet with free, yummy all-you-can-eat breakfast foods, as well as a big bowl of free all-you-can-use amphetamines available for them before they go 'On Air'?

I felt like an alien, watching a whole different species on the TV.
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Some of them are genuine, but for every Jennifer Love Hewitt and Julianna Hough, there's a dozen Kathy Lee Giffords and Ellen Degenereseseses.
 
GraybeardGhost

GraybeardGhost

Well-known member
My cowardly nature is becoming a source of frustration. Why do I have to be such a chickenshit?

Also, unusually tired after a night of acid reflux and insomnia. Life this morning is crap.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
That awkward moment when you have to educate the educators....seriously......if social institutions arent the way they SHOULD be then SAY something about it. but only if your heart is in it, not for some ulterior motive..."thirty pieces of silver" wont last ....but a true heart WILL...a true heart lives on FOREVER through stories and legends.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
On days of hopelessly monotonous & continuous boredom like these, i start thinking of death & suicide. :sad: I mean, what's the point in living, when nothing ever changes, nothing exciting ever happens, with almost no stimulation at all :question:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
It's funny because today randomly I started remembering a few of my birthdays. I remember that for the last 10 maybe 12 of them, I have felt horribly depressed when that day comes around. Not because of that fact that I am ageing, I couldn't care less about ageing, but because it reminds me that on that day many years ago I was born. When you wish almost on a daily basis that you had never been born then well.....that day might just be super depressing for you. Anyone else feel this way? Just curious.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
defiance said:
It's funny because today randomly I started remembering a few of my birthdays. I remember that for the last 10 maybe 12 of them, I have felt horribly depressed when that day comes around. Not because of that fact that I am ageing, I couldn't care less about ageing, but because it reminds me that on that day many years ago I was born. When you wish almost on a daily basis that you had never been born then well.....that day might just be super depressing for you. Anyone else feel this way? Just curious
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Well today is my birthday, and it always seems the days before it are always bad days, and this time has confirmed that. Today started off as a bad day, but i did sth different, and now i'm 100% faacked, depressed in fact, and just ITCHING to do myself in. I just SO SO SO want to do it lately. Not sure what's stopping me, probably fear - fear of my attempt not working & botching things up.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
theslowesthand said:
Well today is my birthday, and it always seems the days before it are always bad days, and this time has confirmed that. Today started off as a bad day, but i did sth different, and now i'm 100% faacked, depressed in fact, and just ITCHING to do myself in. I just SO SO SO want to do it lately. Not sure what's stopping me, probably fear - fear of my attempt not working & botching things up.
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happy-birthday-banner.gif
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
theslowesthand said:
Well today is my birthday, and it always seems the days before it are always bad days, and this time has confirmed that. Today started off as a bad day, but i did sth different, and now i'm 100% faacked, depressed in fact, and just ITCHING to do myself in. I just SO SO SO want to do it lately. Not sure what's stopping me, probably fear - fear of my attempt not working & botching things up.
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I know what you mean. The desire to get it over with is getting strong with me as well. Honestly the only thing holding me back are the people that care about me. I mean if I didn't have them then it would be really easy for me to go for it. But I don't want to be the reason why they end up suffering after I am gone. So yeah. And a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you as well.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Think about suicide. :sad: I've just had enough of tolerating the stupidity and ignorance I see and hear from my mother and older siblings. :kickingmyself:

Constantly huvin to validate and agree with every thought, opinion, idea and suggestion they make. Since ah know first-hand how they react to me being criticial of them. And it ain't a pretty sight.

Also, I doubt movin' oot would solve or make a lick o' difference to be honest. Since, even if I did, they'd still find a way of make sure they still dictated how my life should be. :thumbdown: Because that how they are. And they won't change now, despite me givin' 'em chance efter chance. :idontknow:

I've just given up, tell ye the truth. Don't see the point of wasting my time, anymore.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
theslowesthand said:
Well today is my birthday, and it always seems the days before it are always bad days, and this time has confirmed that. Today started off as a bad day, but i did sth different, and now i'm 100% faacked, depressed in fact, and just ITCHING to do myself in. I just SO SO SO want to do it lately. Not sure what's stopping me, probably fear - fear of my attempt not working & botching things up.
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^ Hope you have had a Happy - as is possible considering your circumstances - Birthday, theslowesthand. :brindis:

My birthday is in a few days and I am actually grateful at each Birthday because it means one less year I have to be in this horrible life. Another year closer to passing away of natural causes. :thumbup:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
BlueDays said:
^ Hope you have had a Happy - as is possible considering your circumstances - Birthday, theslowesthand.
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Well it certainly wasn't a happy day, but i got through it, which was all i was hoping to do. I went to bed early, got some rest.

But overall, i'm hoping i get maybe some kind of cancer, and i'll refuse all treatment. I'm crossing my fingers for that. I'd HATE to have to live another 45 years.
 
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