Help! I can't communicate

I so often feel like I'm from mars...since i've been sad and unable to communicate since I was little, i almost never have any encounters with people where i feel like I was normal or successful. my mind broods it seems constantly about how worthless I am and how I don't have anything funny or otherwise to say to anyone. I think because my thots have all been negative and unhappy I just am unable to learn how to communicate, even in the simplest ways. When I work, which is rare, all the other people are having witty banter back and forth and there i am quiet as a mouse with nothing to say or if I do have something I'm too afraid to say it.I'm sure I was created to be funny, but whatever childhood crapt stole my humor. I make people uncomfortable because I'm so quiet but can't seem to change that. All I can think of in terms of coping is to be around people as little as possible but then I'm not often happy anyway. It would be so so helpful to know if theres anyone who can relate to this total lack of ability, who has the nonstop negative thots about themselves. I just feel so hopeless that I can ever change.

Hey Bashfulgirl,

I think most people on this forum have felt how you describe at some point.

I've felt just like that for the last 5 years. But lately I'm completely sick of it and determined to improve things. I bought a book on overcoming social anxiety that has helped me see how all my negative thoughts were making things worse so I've been changing the way I think and I have noticed an improvement. It's weird but just reading about the process of how your thoughts affect you mood/behaviour gave me the ability to recognise why I am the way I am and has given me lots of hope that I can get better.

I haven't actually managed to improve my life much yet but it's early days and at least I feel a bit better about myself.

And if i can do it, i'm sure you can

I can more than relate to how you feel, I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel so abnormal. I just feel like the part of my brain that should know what you're supposed to do in social interactions is missing. I've always tried to watch what other people say and do in interactions as much as possible, but however much I observe, I still DON'T KNOW what I'm supposed to do or say when I'm with someone.

I don't know if this is a cause or effect of that, but either way, I am also just really nervous around some people. Whenever I have supervisor meetings at university, my communication is just even worse than usual, and it's as much as I can do to keep the tears from falling (I don't know why I always cry after supervisor meetings, but I do! I had one yesterday and it was terrible, and as soon as I got out of the door I burst into tears).

My few experiences of work have also been not great. I just do my best to get through the day, try my best to speak and be sociable, but it's always so unnatural. Luckily they've always only been temp jobs, I think when I get a permanant job it could be baaaaaad.

And finally, even though I have gained slight improvements in social skills over the years, social interactions NEVER get ANY easier for me. Sometimes it amazes me just how scared and awkward I feel during/after a social interaction.

Ha well this is no help whatsoever to you, but hopefully it will make you feel a bit better that there's someone out there who is so socially retarded.

for someone who can not communicate. you started a thread pretty well by yourself. :?

Bashfulgirl,

Ive experienced almost the exact same thing as you. Since I can remember, Ive always thought negative things about myself and I didnt even know I was doing it. Whenever I was in a social situation and acually would say something I would always think in my head "why did I say that?" " That was a stupid thing to say" "Im such an idioit" "Everyone is going to think Im weird or stupid now" "Everyone is looking at me now" I was basically giving myself anf internal beating or so many years and had no idea I was doing. Ive gotten so sick of it now, im trying to change. I still analyze every social interaction I have with someone. "Did I sound friendly?" "Did I come off strange or cold?" "Did I look weird?" And I literally have to tell myself to SHUT UP!!!! Its hard and defiently takes alot of work.

bashfulgirl, just to let u know, there are many martians here on earth :lol:

I wish we had like a separate continent where we could all gather cause I often think we are a different species of humans :?

Our only bag thing is the fear we have for eachother. I feel less anxious talking to a shy person, so being all toghether would help a lot.

But u know, sp-ers are the most caring, sweetest and devoted persons on this planet. You can always trust a sp to be a true friend, and our we experience emotions like love far beyond normal people do. So it's a good thing in this afterall.

Joining this forum was a very good thing to do, it will help u a lot. Just drop in here when u feel the need to complain or ask an advice cause u will find nothing but support, understanding and friendship here. :wink:

Btw, the ''I feel like I don't belong in a conversation'' it's all in our brain, it is our worst enemy and you must understand that those are irrational thoughts. I know it's hard to control them, and anxiety too.

I am also quiet like a mouse, and if i try to say something i overanalized what i said all day afterwards and think of what others thought about my words. I try to keep myself occupied with something else and don't let those thoughts conquer my mind.

I can relate to you, you're not alone, there are millions of people just like you and me out there, we just hide our feelings cause we think we are the only one, but by reading about Sp I found that a few of my coleagues has SA and one girl has actually SP, I know that for sure. I can tell that because one of the boys uses to sweat a lot and often hit different things and is kind of isolated, another one is always biting his lips and has his shoulders up and seems so indifferent, but it shows now that it is a struggle inside him, and this girl....no doubt about that she has all symptoms.

And there is this other guy, i'm not sure about him, he is the only one i can rarely relate in class, he isn't anxious at all, he doesn't mind being the center of attention, he speaks with everyone, only chit chat, but he does, but during brakes he remaines in class alone, I don't know about him, it's odd, he isn't anxious at all, so i can't understand his disorder. although i can see he is depressed and he is having a hard time sleeping.

sorry i got offtopic, but remember, u are not alone. :wink:

I have the same problem - i don't like attention AT ALL - to my mind bringing attention on myself means making myself a target. So i just sit there quiet as i can be. I hate that i do it, because i always have something to say but i am just too afraid to say it. Like you it is because of those negative thoughts - i am afraid that when anyone's attention is drawn to me they will be able to see the 'nothing' that i see myself as and then treat me accordingly. And i just can't risk that. My therapist brought that too my attention the other day - that all that ugliness inside of me is not visible to anyone else. I know that on a rational level, but i feel it so strongly that it is so hard to believe that others don't see it.
I start group therapy in January and so help me i am going to contribute what is on my mind - i am sick of just sitting there, mute.

I know how you feel i'm the same, i feel like i just don't have a clue what to say to people and like i suck at talking to people i don't know cos i act totally blunt and people think i'm strange cos i act totally awkward when talking to them, i just have no clue what to say or what to do to keep talking. I feel like an idiot for acting so blunt and awkward but i just don't know how to act how they do in social situations. It's exsactly how i feel as if the social thing in my brain is switched off and i just go all blank. It sucks, i wish i could improve on it, it makes me upset too because i want to talk to people, i get lonely a lot so i want company but it's hard for me to make friends when i'm like this *sigh*.