How are you feeling?

Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
A cold fear through my shoulders and down into my back. My eyes puffed up with wetness. A sense of trauma like shock. Thoughts that will not leave me, dread of the future, not able to face people anymore. A nightmare I wonder how I got into so deep and dreadfull. Speaking out loud to myself in the car on a never ending fearful angry rant. Going to sleep finally utterly exhausted for 15 hour stretches at a time. Upon waking I try to get active, but soon have to lay down again. I've been taking pills for a week now, perhaps there are small windows of hope appearing.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Too cold to go outside. Too bored to stay inside. Dang.

Bored as fu**ery.

All day long I think of things but nothing seems to satisfy.
Think I'll lose my mind if I don't find something to pacify.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Neither overly happy or depressingly sad. Content at the moment, mainly cuz I'm keeping myself busy. :) Trying to keep masel' from thinking about my problems and the other dysfunctional shite happening around me. :sad:

Though, I am slightly pissed off at being lectured to and underestimated by my family, lately. Which quite ironic, given how they frequently spout this pish about me being the "brains" o' the family. And ever so sensible, but the moment I make decision for myself without consulting them that talk of being smart is out the window.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Almost two weeks on medication. I notice I am not listening to as much angsty and dark emotional music. When my anxiety was at its worse, the Kiss by the Cure was on high rotation.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Bored and restless, but not lonely or depressed. Had ample sleep and rest.
So, i'm having a beer, as that's all i can think of doing really, other than food. Hopefully it will shift this bucking mood! :idontknow:

Bored to focking fockery!!! Ever seen Meet The Fockers? No, i'm not making a mockery!
Just had a chocolate mallowpuff. As of the boredom i have had enough.
Too cold outside, although sunny. So today i shall stay inside.

Shit outta luck. My mood is faacked.
...
(PiP, Poetry in Progress ... <SUSPENDED>)
 
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H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
Got sat down by my boss today, he was talking about "So, how do you feel about working nights, is that something you want to continue doing?"

Inner me: "Grab a megaphone and scream "NOO!"
Real me: "Yea, sure. I just have a lot of trouble working late at night on the weekends, it's difficult on the rest of my family, I don't like it.

TL,DR: I get a promotion, a halfway decent raise, and this happens on the last day of school for me (I'm graduating). I'm not kidding about all of this. That's a lot to change in one afternoon but at least they're all good changes, right?

It's like I'm granted a promotion at work for the first time when I have to leave in the near future (all assuming things go as planned) for a job that pays a living wage and I have to leave the comfort of a classroom for a real world once again.

You know what? I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts. Look out working world. :bat::bat::bat:
 
LoyalXenite

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
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This sums me up today
 
grapevine

grapevine

Well-known member
Just feel so depleted. I feel like a nobody and feel like retreating into myself again for some kind of renewal and internal nurture. To be able to crawl up into a ball in bed and just find my inner strength and romanticism back. That one I used to have. Everything just seems so wrong and intruding now.
I think I have or am getting depression. And I've def got stress issues and the anxiety makes it hard not to catastrophize everything.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Completely knackered. No energy at all. Woke up with a sore throat this morning, hope I'm not getting the flu again. :sad:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Graeme1988 said:
Completely knackered. No energy at all. Woke up with a sore throat this morning, hope I'm not getting the flu again. :sad:
Click to expand...

^ Having said this, I actually had quite a productive day. As far being creative goes, at least. Wrote another wee instrumental tune. That the 2nd tune I've composed, mixed and mastered within 24 hours. Hardly an achievement, like. But it's the change from the dour-faced, depressive mood I'm usually in. Even if I still have to listen to my mother bang on about her supposedly being depressed. Yet, for some reason, when I say I'm depressed and mean it, that get a laugh from my mum and sisters. :thumbdown: :confused: :idontknow:
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
Iv always had extremely low self esteem and have been self-conscious my whole life. I judge myself by society's standards and the standards of my family AND my peers. it makes me miserable but i know that to a certain extent I HAVE to continue to judge myself by such standards..



but SOME things iv stopped judging myself so much on..mainly a lot of society's standards. ....and , as lame as this might sound, iv started judging myself through god's eyes instead . the more iv been seeing myself in THAT light, the better iv felt about myself. Im not perfect but I'm a whole lot better than I used to think I was. I consider myself a good person and thats whats ACTUALLY important . not all the bullsh!t that society TELLS you is important . I want to continue to strive to become the greatest version of myself.

I have plenty of fake friends at work....but idk if I can really even call them "friends" because we only talk while we're actually AT work : /



tbh, I feel like the only TRUE friend I currnetly have is god....and he's actually one of the best friends iv ever had...I know that sounds stupid but idc.
 
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AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
Today in dorm 2 The Lion King was playing on the TV's. (which the inmates weren't too thrilled about. lol) administration picks random channels for the inmates to watch. sometimes its random talk shows, sports center, but other times its a movie. we often use movies as a reward for good behavior among the inmates (and conversely, we turn OFF the TV when they've broken rules and behaved badly).. but to a very large degree, television is their only source of entertainment so they'll watch just about ANYTHING to cure boredom.

anyway, I saw this movie many times as a child but never really understood the significance of this scene..but now that I'm older I can relate to it much differently and understand it on a different level. Its all a metaphor for god.

I realize now why he's often referred to as "god the father". he created EVERYONE in his image. a lot of people think you can only find him if you go to church and whatnot . but the truth is that god resides in one place: your heart..thus the quote "he lives in YOU" ...and I feel like that's something that also ties into the quote "be the change you wish to see in the world"


personally I dont see my actual dad as my true father . my true father is god. he's EVERYONES father. we're all his children. thats what I believe.

I know that probably sounds crazy to most people who dont believe in god but , if anything, just view it as a good metaphor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDN8aoR4TI
 
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