Feeling like dirt

.............

My brother (30 years older) millionnaire has been moaning to me about not working, as if I don't want to... I can see why he sees it that way, if he thinks it takes no effort to earn millions, by just being 'nice' to people... as a chef...

I work with machines - cars, computers. Can't deal with people. People who like to control us - telling us what to do and criticising us...

((hugs))

I can see you are in a rough situation pal, it's not fun to hear others talking about you, in that kind of silly way. The conclusions;

1.Sister said '' You don't have a job ''
A.She doesn't understand SA, hard to imagine for her, or better said ''Just do your thing and don't be like that and just drop that fear'' attitude.
B.She's a little jealous. She wish she could just have a day off, just frustration. It's normal feeling.
C.She is making a statement, that you should realise to get more out of life.
Which is a nice statement, I know no fun while it affects you, but mostly people say words out of frustration, the message is clear.
Because angry people always speak the truth, things they'd rather not tell ya when they are feeling good. So, just think about this.
C.She's just fooling around and being rude. I doubt it.
D.She's trying to understand, by asking your parents about it. (yea, in another speaking form... Not fun, but it is concern.. basically)

2.You're going to be like this when your 30 years old.
Clue; They want so bad you to have a better life.
When they say this, they DONT want this happen to you, they DO NEVER wish this. I know it sounds rude, though. It's a concern. If we SA people never make a move, right? But it takes time... People with SA are more patient for others and will not force you so hard, so they won't clarify this... like your sister/parents.etc, everybody wants the best for you

And me too, good luck!

Saskia said:

((hugs))

I can see you are in a rough situation pal, it's not fun to hear others talking about you, in that kind of silly way. The conclusions;

1.Sister said '' You don't have a job ''
A.She doesn't understand SA, hard to imagine for her, or better said ''Just do your thing and don't be like that and just drop that fear'' attitude.
B.She's a little jealous. She wish she could just have a day off, just frustration. It's normal feeling.
C.She is making a statement, that you should realise to get more out of life.
Which is a nice statement, I know no fun while it affects you, but mostly people say words out of frustration, the message is clear.
Because angry people always speak the truth, things they'd rather not tell ya when they are feeling good. So, just think about this.
C.She's just fooling around and being rude. I doubt it.
D.She's trying to understand, by asking your parents about it. (yea, in another speaking form... Not fun, but it is concern.. basically)

2.You're going to be like this when your 30 years old.
Clue; They want so bad you to have a better life.
When they say this, they DONT want this happen to you, they DO NEVER wish this. I know it sounds rude, though. It's a concern. If we SA people never make a move, right? But it takes time... People with SA are more patient for others and will not force you so hard, so they won't clarify this... like your sister/parents.etc, everybody wants the best for you

And me too, good luck!

Click to expand...

You hit the nail on the head, Saskia.

Now, don't feel helpless, because you're not. There are tons of things you can do, but you're paralyzed by fear right now. You can go ask your family to see if they can't help you find a social anxiety group nearby. Another thing you can do is, this is drastic, mind you, go out and push yourself into the world of people. It's kind of like the "sink-or-swim" methodology. Don't be so down on yourself; you have us as friends and as moral support. One more thing I would recommend doing is going to talk to your sister about your situation. Tell her that her talking about you behind your back is hurting your feelings and that you would like for her to stop and also express to her about how you do want to get a job and be social, but you're a bit scared to do it. She should understand and be more than willing to help and support you. I hope you feel better!

Hey iso,

Sisters can be annoying //sigh// - I know, cause I'm one!! And have one too!!
She's probably just concerned about you, yeah (or maybe a bit jealous, or angry over another thing, or both...)

So, sorry to hear your sis has been giving you a hard time - yeah, try to confront her about it - maybe she can help you get/keep a job, or at least be more diplomatic about it?
You could maybe also inform her about sa, send any links to good websites/films...?

I don't know where you live, are there any support groups or therapy (like CBT or such) in your country? You might need to 'dig around' a bit for it...

Where I live most doctors 'push pills', but if you find a support organisation or a few, you can also get support group or even counselling for free...

Some countries may also have 'career coaches' for free etc. Or you could maybe try volunteering/internships/short term jobs...

You're still young so there are LOTS of things you can do!!

isolation said:

I hate it when i can hear my loud sister downstairs, talking to my mom about why i don't have a job, why i'm not being forced to do things and how there's something wrong with me when i turn down opportunities. I hate it when people say i'm going to be like this when i'm 30 years old. It's also horrible when i'm ignored by members of my own family. You see being quiet is often mistaken for being rude and ignorant.

But the worst thing of all is having to live with myself, seeing the years pass by and feeling like there's not a damn thing i can do about it.

I've don't have any friends left, they all moved on a long time ago.

I just don't know where I can go from here. I can't get any support from anywhere apart from doctors who want to give me pills. I'm completely isolated and frustrated. I don't understand how I got like this.

Click to expand...

^This

Firstly hugs

Crap situation

Its like reading something I write/wrote I get this.

If you want to get out of this loop heres the best advice I can give you:

Try to visualise where you want to be. Where you're happy?

What is it that you would really love to be doing in your best possible idealistic scenario world?

Right hold that in your head.

This is something to focus on. Whilst it may seem silly and unrealistic. Aiming for something that is out of your reach -your target may be far away but your mark will be made much higher than if you lower your expectations to ground level. When you're flat on the dirt and eyelevel to the ground, your line of sight is dirt and your expectations are dirt and all you can feel, touch, see and breathe is dirt. So you need to look up, pick a point in the distance and focus. See where you want to be - something that you want-thats just the first bit. Then once you know where you want to be focus on baby steps to get there. Little by little, one by one, teeny weeny steps crawl if you have to but keep going and dont give up! You can get on your feet. Believe in yourself!


I can list you some of the challenges I set myself if you like? But trust me you need to do a couple of things to get better.

1) You have got to want this BAD cause its hard to do you really need to want it.
2)You have got to see something you want-a prize to work toward.
3) You have got to make a plan and your plan needs to be like any good plan, specific and measurable, achieveable, reasonable, timely {sorry for the business speel haha guess what I used to do?! but its neccessary to think like this}
4)Hold yourself accountable!

You can get out of this loop, it can be done, it is hard work and it does really take a lot LOT of work but you can do it. I think its always there and somwthing that always needs work. I still struggle badly at times, badly but you know what? Im struggling, I havent stopped
and I wont. I am so much better with every passing wk. There is so much support here for you! So much! Little by little and as I said sometimes just downright mucky crawling but moving even if only by cms is still moving! Forward onwards up.

Unfortunately when family members dont understand somthing, or believe somthing exists, it can create a very unkind situation. I really do feel for you. I dont really have much to offer aside from whats been said, Saskia , jewel, and Feathers are the oracles around here .

If i may ask, what is it about medication that you are opposed to?. Just curious.

Im the same as Mikebird myself, computers and machines, I can understand and work with. People, not so much.

Good luck friend.

You don't have to feel like dirt just because your not working mate & as for your sister, she just wants to grow up alittle more i'm thinking.

People don't get it, generally...

I suggest you look for a therapist/councilor as opposed to a psych doctor-- they're there more for talking/listening than shoving drugs at you.

I'd give you more advice but I've been unable to figure out anything for myself, as of yet. All I can say is-- I get it; I hear the same complaints from my family members-- except they make a point of saying it to my face as well as having me overhear through the paper thin walls.
I feel bad but there's literally nothing I can do. I don't have any job skills to work and not be around people-- or be working over the computer.
Leaving the house is enough mental and physical stress just to get a carton of eggs across the street at the middle of the night when no one is around; how can we expect to be able to work normally?

It's rough.

No one ever quite understands how they become swallowed up whole by a slow process.
You must recognise though,that you do have worth,and you are important.