Do quiet people make other people uncomfortable?

I don't understand this. Why do confident and/ or loud people get nervous and are uncomfortable around quiet people like us? Speaking for myself, I am just as nervous and uncomfortable around loud and outspoken people. They are so confident that they make you feel so small and invisible, almost like they do it on purpose. :roll:
Has anyone experienced this? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Last semester this quiet girl sat by me in my history class, but she reminded me of some one I could be friends with ( you know you can just tell people you could have fun getting to know ) anyways, she was the only person sitting by me, and so it would be awkward when there was silence or the teacher wasnt there yet and all the other students would be loud and talking.

Anyway I spoke to her just as much as she spoke to me...even though I know she was just shy and didnt have near the extent of my problem.

I have this facebook thing, and I looked her up on it and under her "About me" it said she likes loud people and gets along better with them. The whole semester i regretted not saying much.

For me, since i am quieter I kinda like/empathize/understand shyer people. I think for the most part they have more to say, and loud people usually just talk and talk about nothing, which can be annoying. There are exceptions, but just because i dont like how i feel right now and i dont necessarily like being shy ( because this isnt my usuall personality ) doesnt mean i dislike shy people.

They are nervous around quiet people because its all an act they put on, they are so used to getting reactions off people that the ones that dont give them a reaction really get to them deep down and they feel threatened....i dunno maybe it hurts their feelings to not get a reaction out of everyone because its not what they were expecting or are used to.

That being said its also probably why they then try to pick on the ones that dont give a reaction by perhaps mocking or embarrassing them.

Coldy said:

They are nervous around quiet people because its all an act they put on, they are so used to getting reactions off people that the ones that dont give them a reaction really get to them deep down and they feel threatened....i dunno maybe it hurts their feelings to not get a reaction out of everyone because its not what they were expecting or are used to.

That being said its also probably why they then try to pick on the ones that dont give a reaction by perhaps mocking or embarrassing them.

Click to expand...

Think that's a great explanation

I think its just a clash of two totally opposite personality types. You have people who can't sit quietly and relax, they have to fill the void with their voice even if what they're saying is not that interesting even to them agianst people who like to sit quietly and have thier own space without being intruded upon by someone. When Both sides come together, it just leads to awkwardness that can be hard for each side to understand.

From my own experiences at school, and what i observe whilste keeping all quiet to myself, how much you talk has not alot to do with your level of appeal to people, which probably varys alot. I think if your a guy, you can be highly non-talkative, yet make up for it through your participation and communication through just hobbies in general . . . . or even a drink :? . . . I'm not to sure about girls . . . . but i've always personally believed that, if your quiet yet positive in every way you can be . . . then people will like being around you. This applies for both sexes, and as a male, i'm good at sport, not bad lookin, yet my problem is not only do i exclude myself from social situations, but i'm way to negative.

Yeah, at my school there's this real quiet guy. I mean, he doesn't get bullied or anything, and he's a nice bloke, we all consider him part of our group. The reason we don't engage in conversation much with him is because, honestly, a lot of the time we don't even know he's there, and when we do, it's hard to know what to say because he doesn't ever initiate conversation. I guess I'll talk to him more from now on, seeing things from you guys' point of view.

Those loud, socalled 'confident' people don't like shy, quiet people because they would hate it on themselves. They have there anxieties too and like to overscream it with their loud and outgoing behaviour. Doing mean towards anxious people also makes them feel more powerful and secure in their surrounding, so it's in their advantage to make anxious people even more scared.

It's also true that the more positive quiet people will be more liked(or less disliked) than the negative ones. I think the quiet people who radiate a more positive aura are the type of people who really are quiet and tranquille inside, while the negative ones are usually like that because they are too anxious and feel like a mess inside. When you're anxious, you also invite others to do you wrong, but those who do are also coward when they take advantage of that, because they don't show any understanding and empathy and at the same time prove that they wouldn't be able to accept it on themselves if they had it.

Sometimes being around people who have SP can be irritating or difficult to be around, I've noticed myself the few times that I came across someone with SP. When you haven't transformed that anxiety within yourself yet, you will have problems with it when seeing it on someone else. But shy people will usually not do mean on purpose to another anxious person, despite that most other people do. :evil:

If you're a nervous character then chances are you make other people around you more nervous. The real confident people wouldn't be affected by this though.

Just like being negative might make people around you more negative or just being positive may help other be positive.

It's all about body language and the way in which you present yourself.

It's very easy from a socially anxious perspective to see people as confident, unfearing and brave. Fact is, they have their little comfort bubble just as you do and 9.9 times out of ten they arn't as confident as they look, not even close.

If you have a negative unnapprochable body language, like most SA folk do, then they'll be scared to approach you. They have their own fears of rejection and their own fears that the conversation will dry up, become awkward and that they will look silly.

To cut a long story short, put a supposedly confident person in a room with an SA soldier and they will very quickly become SA too.

These social standards that mimick confidence are actually part of their well calculated routine, and if you disturb that routine then they don't know what to do.

It's certainly good to realise this, that no one actually goes about knowing what to do all the time, confident in all situations. When I was growing up it seemed everyone received a manual on how to socialise except me. That's not true. Non SA folk often feel just as awkward as you.

beachbum said:

I don't understand this. Why do confident and/ or loud people get nervous and are uncomfortable around quiet people like us? Speaking for myself, I am just as nervous and uncomfortable around loud and outspoken people. They are so confident that they make you feel so small and invisible, almost like they do it on purpose. :roll:
Has anyone experienced this? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Click to expand...

yeah, i know what you're talking about...at work sometimes, i notice my "uncomfortableness" makes others uncomfortable :roll:

beachbum said:

I don't understand this. Why do confident and/ or loud people get nervous and are uncomfortable around quiet people like us? Speaking for myself, I am just as nervous and uncomfortable around loud and outspoken people. They are so confident that they make you feel so small and invisible, almost like they do it on purpose. :roll:
Has anyone experienced this? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Click to expand...

It's because if they didn't do this, they'd be uncomfortable themselves.

Think of it this way. You have a defence mechanism going on, which leads you to your discomfort, but it often helps you to escape social situations and sit on the fence. Everyone's different, so I don't know exactly how you deal with it, but in some form other you have some kind of defence. Albeit, if you're like the rest of us it's probably not a good one.

Same for Mr Confidence. They go round projecting their confidence as a form of defence. Some go round taking the mick out of others so that they can sit on their plateu knowingly comfortable in their position. Sme are perfectly nice, but the same rules apply, they need their bubble, their defence mechanism, etc.

Believe it or not, some SA folk are incredibly outgoing, the reason being that once they stop speaking they suddenly become drastically uncomfortable so they relieve themselves from the discomfort by talking endlessly.

Drunk at 9:30?! lol! :?

Thanks everyone for your responses. Your opinions and different points of views has helped me to understand a little better.
A question for TheNuminator; Do you have social anxiety disorder? It sounds like you don't. And what is a "bloke"? :lol:

Quiet people are intimidating sometimes, especially if they are physically intimidating.

In other case vociferous people are annoyed by quiet people because they don't feel like they are being involved, and some people can't stand that someones off by themselves being excluded.

Extroverts think introverts should be outspoken as they are, but thats just conflict between the personalities. Its not true, and extroverted people don't need to be as quiet as introverted people either. You actually can't change their personalities so its pointless to try anyway.

Yeah, I've received the same reactions from the same types of people, but I don't think they're purposefully mocking me. I feel as though these reactions justify how much of a loser I really am and the fire of my anxiety is once again fuelled.
It's awful to feel that way since most people couldn't give a shit that we are quiet because the next socialite that walks through the door will make us a distant memory.
I think it is fairly simple why usually extroverted people become social phobics around social phobics: in life, we only get what we give. The sayin' may be old, but the truth's bein' told. Give no words, receive no words. Give no eye-contact, receive no eye-contact. It really is just that damn simple. Even those ultra-sweet individuals who may keep trying to crack open our nutshells to get us speaking will eventually give up if we continue being quiet.

Ads7800 said:

It's awful to feel that way since most people couldn't give a shit that we are quiet because the next socialite that walks through the door will make us a distant memory.

Click to expand...

They have their own problems to contend with. Us being so introverted and self-absorbed have a tendancy to think that our problems are everyone elses too. We often feel we are owed something because we're somehow disadvantaged. We're not.

If you're going to make it difficult for someone to approach you, then you're right in the fact that we can't expect the same in return. Truth is, 9 times out of 10 you just look as if you don't want to talk to these people, so they're not going to waste their effort on you. Why should they?

In the cases where these people actually do feel like they should make an effort with you, would you blame them for being a little scared. What would you do in the same position?



p.s. 'Bloke' is english for 'Man'

Extroverts don't understand us, it's true.

I went on a field trip where this really funny, extroverted teacher was the chaperone. He was a good guy, a little excentric, but I didn't have a problem with him as long as he didn't put me on the spot.
Anyway, the whole trip, he was just so confused by me and this other quiet girl. He kept saying, "Why are you too so quiet? I can't tell what you're thinking! Are you having a good time?"

He was concerned that our quietness=unhappiness.

Introverts understand. They understand others because they are quiet and pay attention. Extroverts are much better at expressing themselves, and are therefore confused when others don't do the same.

thequietone said:

Extroverts don't understand us, it's true.

I went on a field trip where this really funny, extroverted teacher was the chaperone. He was a good guy, a little excentric, but I didn't have a problem with him as long as he didn't put me on the spot.
Anyway, the whole trip, he was just so confused by me and this other quiet girl. He kept saying, "Why are you too so quiet? I can't tell what you're thinking! Are you having a good time?"

He was concerned that our quietness=unhappiness.

Introverts understand. They understand others because they are quiet and pay attention. Extroverts are much better at expressing themselves, and are therefore confused when others don't do the same.

Click to expand...

I don't understand introverts a lot of the time, and I'm an introvert.

We can sometimes relate to our problems, but unless someone comes out and says it, then I don't know how they're feeling.

And it's not always the quietness that = unhappiness, it's more often the miserable looks on our faces. It's not surprising they're confused.

I've had it from the people closest to me, nevermind some random extrovert.

the thing about loud and annoying people is that often they aren't confident. sometime they're loud and annoying to mask their insecurity. i don't like being around loud people because they're annoying. it's like they just enjoy hearing the sound of their own voice.