Dating a Guy with Social Anxiety

Hi! I joined this forum, in hopes to get some answers and a better understanding of social anxiety. I have been dating a guy with social anxiety now for 5 months. I adore him and think the world of him. He is a sweetheart and treats me very good. He has tried to explain his feelings of social anxiety to me, but struggles. I know he gets really nervous around my friends and family. He also struggles with communicating his feelings. At times he can get frustrated and just shut-down.
We currently live 2 hours away which limits our time together. I have the summer off, although he is typically finding other things to do so that he does not have to spend time with my friends/family. I understand that it is hard for him to feel comfortable in those situations, but family and friends are very important to me. While I love him deeply, I want to know if anyone has suggestions on how to make him feel more comfortable with my friends and family????
Also, is there a way to help him communicate more with me? Every night we talk and we try and ask each other at least three questions. To get to know each other on another level. These can range from “What’s your favorite Italian dish?” to “What’s your feelings in the upcoming 2008 debate?” Just a game we play to make things easier for us both to communicate better with each other. Does anyone have any suggestions to help here too?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope I can use your comments to understand and answer my questions about Social Anxiety.

jessbehl said:

Hi! I joined this forum, in hopes to get some answers and a better understanding of social anxiety. I have been dating a guy with social anxiety now for 5 months. I adore him and think the world of him.

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You deserve a medal

He is a sweetheart and treats me very good. He has tried to explain his feelings of social anxiety to me, but struggles. I know he gets really nervous around my friends and family. He also struggles with communicating his feelings. At times he can get frustrated and just shut-down.
We currently live 2 hours away which limits our time together. I have the summer off, although he is typically finding other things to do so that he does not have to spend time with my friends/family. I understand that it is hard for him to feel comfortable in those situations, but family and friends are very important to me. While I love him deeply, I want to know if anyone has suggestions on how to make him feel more comfortable with my friends and family????
Also, is there a way to help him communicate more with me? Every night we talk and we try and ask each other at least three questions. To get to know each other on another level. These can range from “What’s your favorite Italian dish?” to “What’s your feelings in the upcoming 2008 debate?” Just a game we play to make things easier for us both to communicate better with each other. Does anyone have any suggestions to help here too?
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope I can use your comments to understand and answer my questions about Social Anxiety.

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I can only speak from my own experience, whereas your boyfriend's might be different, but if he's like me then I'd recommend introducing him to your friends and family at small gatherings, say one or two people at a time, and not letting him get stuck by himself in a conversation with one of them while you're off talking to someone else. I always feel more comfortable meeting new people in that type of circumstance.

I applaud your effort to help him out.
& I agree with Coper ie.,

- keep the meeting to 1 new member at a time.
- Touching him at the time of a new meeting will help him relax a bit.
- People with SA need lots of Nurture & Comfort.

while these are short term things.. he needs to explore the problem at a deeper level. some questions to help
- what other symptoms does he have.. document everything
- look for answers not just in western meds.. explore Ayurveda, TCM etc
the answers are already there.

For ex, in Ayurveda, SA/anxiety happens when there is too much build up of Vata (Wind). To bring this down, he needs to eat more heavy foods. ex: oil is heavy. Calms the system. Oil massage everyday in the morning will bring his anxiety down etc.

Striker

I just typed out a response to a question very similar to this, and I'm feeling a little too lazy to do it again, so I'll just post the link :lol: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt18236.html

I also made a post about my experience having a boyfriend who doesn't understand SA. If you want to hear about what it's like on the other side, that's here: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/postt18225.html

By the way, it sounds like you're doing a great job dealing with his SA! It's good for all of us to hear that there's people like you out there, who are so kind and understanding. Thank you for being an awesome girlfriend :wink: