Hi there. I posted a few weeks ago regarding my obsessive thoughts and got great advice/support. One of my most sickening obsessions involves me becoming a pedophile. This has in the past been coupled with groinal responses. Recognizing it as an obsession has worked wonders with me, and for the last few months it has become less and less powerful. However, also in the last few weeks I have taken up looking at porn (something I personally find morally wrong and a habit I wish to break). The porn I watch is always of adults and I steer clear of anything that even remotely resembles what my brain obsesses over.
In any event I find that sometimes when watching porn my obsessions float around in the background and sometimes come to the forefront in the form of images of children. This is extremely bothersome to me, especially because it happens when I am legitimately aroused. However, the thoughts are not strong enough to stop me from watching or masturbating.
Afterwards I always fear that somehow those thoughts are being "plugged in" to my orgasms and that feeds into my fear. It has also led to a relapse of groinal responses which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't want to go back to the times when my obsessions were more powerful.
I know I will get through this like I have in the past, but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone in the community has had similar experiences and has any advice to cope with them. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post.
In any event I find that sometimes when watching porn my obsessions float around in the background and sometimes come to the forefront in the form of images of children. This is extremely bothersome to me, especially because it happens when I am legitimately aroused. However, the thoughts are not strong enough to stop me from watching or masturbating.
Afterwards I always fear that somehow those thoughts are being "plugged in" to my orgasms and that feeds into my fear. It has also led to a relapse of groinal responses which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I don't want to go back to the times when my obsessions were more powerful.
I know I will get through this like I have in the past, but in the meantime I was wondering if anyone in the community has had similar experiences and has any advice to cope with them. Thank you so much and sorry for the long post.